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  • hey Mysterymenace thank you for being the only i know who read my Adam Taurus past theory 

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    • Of course, I loved it. I also made a villain in a story of my own named Adam and the reason is because I think the name Adam is badass if you know what I mean.

      Point is, I was happy to look it over and it seems interesting, stretch or not.

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    • What’s your story, Mystery? I’m interested.

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    • It can be found on Wattpad with the title being called "Secret Team Undercover" and it has similarities with RWBY, but no magic or gods. Also a big spy war has to be prevented which is the overarching plot of the story. There are also references to other franchises and stories for fun Easter eggs.

      I also have an entire wiki dedicated to it.

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    • I have a RWBY-inspired story too, but lately it’s been taking more inspiration from a different franchise.

      Could you send me a link to your story? I wanna read it.

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    • Sure, I'll send you the Origins first. Season 1 is still being written now.

      https://www.wattpad.com/story/168526783-secret-team-undercover-origins

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    • Right-o. I’ll check it out soon. Thanks.

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    • What's your story? I'm interested in checking out new content.

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    • It’s called Elysian Knights. I’m currently writing the first draft of Part 1 and plan to make revisions when i’m finished.

      I write it on my (old as fuck) computer, so I can’t really show ya. Sorry. :/

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    • It's cool. Please let me know as soon as it's done.

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    • Alright, so i’ve read a couple chapters. I’m gonna be blunt and I apologize if I offend you.

      There are a couple small problems with how the story is written, but let’s focus on two things for now:

      Firstly, it just seems so much like a blatant copy of RWBY. Sure, there’s no magic or Semblances or Grimm, (as far as I know) but there’s stuff like some of the character names, the transforming weapons with names and even the songs. My suggestion is for you to change some of the names so they don’t seem like you just took them straight from RWBY and just....get rid of the songs. They’re a nice idea and I don’t hate them but they make the story look like the script for an episode and are confusing. It’s not wrong to take heavy inspiration from the content you love, but I definitely recommend you distance your own work from it a little more, lest should you be flagged as a ripoff artist.

      Now the second problem: the villains.

      You certainly have been just vomiting out one villain after another with no chill. And this could just be my ADHD affecting my judgement but none of them seem to have a real personality to them other than “MUAHAHAHA, BEHOLD! I’M SUPER EVIL AND I’M NOT AFRAID TO SHOW IT!” Seriously, there’s even an organization named The Dark Side, and that Roux Radcliff guy literally wants to destroy the world. They’re all just so flamboyantly evil and so far that’s their core trait, and that’s a really bad thing.

      You should give each character, including the villains, unique personalities and motivations for their actions (that make sense) to set them apart from each other.

      I like your story and I think it has potential, and again i’m not trying to be a dick and discourage/offend you, it’s just that these are some issues I found which need to be addressed and fixed, otherwise your story’s gonna be terrible.

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    • Glitchee123z wrote:
      Alright, so i’ve read a couple chapters. I’m gonna be blunt and I apologize if I offend you.

      There are a couple small problems with how the story is written, but let’s focus on two things for now:

      Firstly, it just seems so much like a blatant copy of RWBY. Sure, there’s no magic or Semblances or Grimm, (as far as I know) but there’s stuff like some of the character names, the transforming weapons with names and even the songs. My suggestion is for you to change some of the names so they don’t seem like you just took them straight from RWBY and just....get rid of the songs. They’re a nice idea and I don’t hate them but they make the story look like the script for an episode and are confusing. It’s not wrong to take heavy inspiration from the content you love, but I definitely recommend you distance your own work from it a little more, lest should you be flagged as a ripoff artist.

      Now the second problem: the villains.

      You certainly have been just vomiting out one villain after another with no chill. And this could just be my ADHD affecting my judgement but none of them seem to have a real personality to them other than “MUAHAHAHA, BEHOLD! I’M SUPER EVIL AND I’M NOT AFRAID TO SHOW IT!” Seriously, there’s even an organization named The Dark Side, and that Roux Radcliff guy literally wants to destroy the world. They’re all just so flamboyantly evil and so far that’s their core trait, and that’s a really bad thing.

      You should give each character, including the villains, unique personalities and motivations for their actions (that make sense) to set them apart from each other.

      I like your story and I think it has potential, and again i’m not trying to be a dick and discourage/offend you, it’s just that these are some issues I found which need to be addressed and fixed, otherwise your story’s gonna be terrible.

      is this on my story or mystery menaces

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    • I will take this all in stride, but to be honest the characters are not even close to copies of RWBY as it's actually a spy series with an overarching plot as there is no stand alone villain in the series. Which is why I included so many villains and I understand your concerns with the whole thing, but there are more important details about the series to begin with as instead of teams of four it's three, and the fact that there are two main protagonists means there will be two overarching battles. However; most of the story goes somewhere and they each have their own motivations that will be revealed later on starting with Season 1.

      I understand your concerns and to address them here is that I was originally not going to make the origins, so that's part of the reason why it seems so...generic compared to other stories out there as I actually had the plot come out of nowhere pretty much with the story not being scripted at all and I apologize for that and The Dark Side's motivation is to either get the main character to rejoin or just kill him. The Eclipse Cult wants to survive, even if it means to kill anyone that stands in their way. So, in the end, just please be patient as I will have it explained later on if you continue reading as there are more details coming up and I am currently working on Chapter 6 of Season 1 at the moment of typing this.

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    • Yugiohfan730 wrote:
      Glitchee123z wrote:
      Alright, so i’ve read a couple chapters. I’m gonna be blunt and I apologize if I offend you.

      There are a couple small problems with how the story is written, but let’s focus on two things for now:

      Firstly, it just seems so much like a blatant copy of RWBY. Sure, there’s no magic or Semblances or Grimm, (as far as I know) but there’s stuff like some of the character names, the transforming weapons with names and even the songs. My suggestion is for you to change some of the names so they don’t seem like you just took them straight from RWBY and just....get rid of the songs. They’re a nice idea and I don’t hate them but they make the story look like the script for an episode and are confusing. It’s not wrong to take heavy inspiration from the content you love, but I definitely recommend you distance your own work from it a little more, lest should you be flagged as a ripoff artist.

      Now the second problem: the villains.

      You certainly have been just vomiting out one villain after another with no chill. And this could just be my ADHD affecting my judgement but none of them seem to have a real personality to them other than “MUAHAHAHA, BEHOLD! I’M SUPER EVIL AND I’M NOT AFRAID TO SHOW IT!” Seriously, there’s even an organization named The Dark Side, and that Roux Radcliff guy literally wants to destroy the world. They’re all just so flamboyantly evil and so far that’s their core trait, and that’s a really bad thing.

      You should give each character, including the villains, unique personalities and motivations for their actions (that make sense) to set them apart from each other.

      I like your story and I think it has potential, and again i’m not trying to be a dick and discourage/offend you, it’s just that these are some issues I found which need to be addressed and fixed, otherwise your story’s gonna be terrible.

      is this on my story or mystery menaces

      He was talking about mine, and a heads up is the only reason why I added songs in mine are just for development reasons and plus they're diminished as the story goes forward so that problem is already solved.

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    • As for the villains, they have backstories already planned and they will be a huge part of the story with two villains having backstories revealed in Season 1, so if you want backstories then please stay tuned.

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    • Well at least the plot’s it’s own thing, i’ll give ya that. Pretty much the only thing the characters have in common to their RWBY counterparts are some of their names.

      I look forward to Chapter 1.

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    • I have a huge story arc planned, and Season 1 is being written as we speak. I'm almost done with Chapter 6.

      Also if you made it to the end of the origins then please let me know your thoughts on it. I'd love some feedback like any other writer would.

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    • Right. I will read the rest when I have the time.

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    • A FANDOM user
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