Thread:NakanoAzusa/@comment-25753092-20140819045741

Azu-nyan, on 8/16/14, you arrived and I was overjoyed, but you left too early for me to build up enough courage to tell you the most important thing. I want to break up, not because I feel you've done anything wrong - although you might be Akane, who has the possibility of ERPing with other members of chat, meaning that you created another account to cheat on me with other users - nor because I've grown disinterested in you or anything of that sort - I could never lose interest in a girl I love. I want to break up because I feel that it's best for your safety and for mine. I'm not ready for love in the slightest, I came to you as a BDSM practitioner and I said that I could and would stop, but it's a part of me that I cannot stop. My sadism makes me yandere to extreme points of violence and the smallest error I find in your interactions with other men - if we were ever to live with each other - could result in injuries with the other man and possibly you, but I can control myself enough to not get jealous because I would trust the person I'm with enough so I wouldn't think that they would cheat on me. I was completely undeserving of someone like you the second we met, you are most definitely smarter than me and much prettier, compared to my ugly mug, and your personality was one of the cheery-type; I was pretty damn emotionless and desperate to find someone. It very much was a split-second decision of mine to ask you out on day 5 of your being here. I had only known the bare minimum about you, plus you kept a lot of stuff hidden from me as well. I may not understand the concept of emotions or even love very well, but I know that you're the farthest I've ever come to loving someone in a real, non-possessive manner - like I did to Kelly. I was able to trust you with RPing with Ciel and PMing with other members of chat without getting fearful or angry at you or them. You also broadened the range of people I'm able to be friends with. Before we dated, I absolutely hated Orientals because of my mother. She made me racist towards Orientals because of how she acted, the way she treated me, the way she though, anything involving them. Even her friends' sons would treat me in an ill-mannered fashion because of some sort of nonexistent superiority complex that revolves around their galaxy-sized egos. I will continue to hate her and the certain people she tried to force me to make friends with, but you changed that certain "racist" aspect about me. I always claimed to not like Asians to my friends and such, and that it would be impossible for me to date one because I was only taking in the sample size of the people I was close to and was forced to interact with. I guess I can never thank you for what you've done for me in that respect, and that's a reason why I love you. I also loved you because of your personality - all of that joy and bubbliness and nyanpasu - and the way you were able to make others like you; the way that you could make me smile and cry, how I was actually able to empathize with someone instead of being neutral about it because I actually cared about you, you were the center of my universe and I wanted to keep it that way. You can easily make me cry, this sadistic, emotionless, uncaring bastard, actually cry tears of happiness and sadness. And now it's come to this, a letter that I will stay strong as I type, I feel the tears welling up in my eyes and my vision is blurry, but I will stay strong for you, for us. Maybe Kelly was right when she gave us four months, but she most likely expected you to break up with me, not for this to happen. Now that it has come to this, I want you to know that I only want what's best for you, and I am not that person. I know that you've been out-of-chat and busy and all, and that the lack of contact makes me irritable, but those are not reasons I would ever break up with someone, I would wait and wait and wait until the day they reappeared. I truly did miss you during all of those days and I was truly happy when you came back into chat. I still love you and I may always love you, but this is for the grater good, your greater good. I'm just not the right guy for someone like you, you're better off being with someone else, trust me. Plus, with the way things are looking for me, I'm not sure if I could keep up a relationship with all of this schoolwork. I know what I said in the previous letter, but I can't keep that promise, this is one I have to break. I have to break that promise before it breaks my heart, honestly. Just...remember that I always love you, you may love me back, but I want you to move on with your life; I want you to find someone better; I want you to live your life doing what you love the most; I want to make you happy, this may not make you happy now, but it will in the long run. Promise me that you will find someone, that you will be happy with your life. I hope that I've made a difference in your life as you have made in mine. We were each other's first significant others, but not the last. I always do things for a good reason...if that reason is love, then so be it. You know what they say, "If you love something, then let it go. If it comes back to you, then you may keep it. If it drifts away, then it was never meant to be yours." But I only want that first sentence to apply, do you understand? This was just as hard a decision for me as reading this will be for you, but I promise you that it was a good decision, the right decision.

-Love, Dest 