Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-25396609-20171201175923/@comment-25396609-20171220042336

Elynwyn wrote: Hopefully this formatting is right, wikia is infuriating in that regard. Wikia formatting is the bane of ALL of our existences. You get used to it.

Last but not least, Elynwyn with Avienda Yuvelira

1)Basic Info

I’m fine with surname fulfilling CNR, as there’s a couple canon characters who use it. Had to google sovnya, interesting choice of symbols but makes sense with her occupation. 10/10 2)Appearance:

Casual outfit reads like the world-weary barmaid you’d see in a fantasy setting, no mention of a belt or anything with pockets other than the one on the shirt so i’ll be docking a point for minor impracticality. Solid armor, bit oldschool but that seems to be what you’re going for. Fairly ornate, but I’d like a bit more information on the trim. Is it patterned or solid color? Practical but stylish brooch, a nice touch; and of course one can never have TOO many knives. 17/20 3)Characteristics:

Ten years old, in a developed area, doing manual labor? Bit iffy in my book but I’ll mostly let it slide. In particular her helping carry goods around town seems like work somewhat too intensive and potentially hazardous for a kid.

That can NOT be legal. Docking a point for (probably) breaking the law, but it’s not unheard of for kids to learn the family trade so not going to impact you too heavily.

Probably should’ve had her start with a more typical weapon and just be constantly upgrading and improving rather than jumping straight to “too big to use” as that’d slow down her learning curve substantially while she attemted to get her strength up to a point she CAN use it, giving her a delayed start to actual combat training.

I was gonna say something about her parents letting her drink at 17, then I remembered Yang walked into a bar no hassle. And then I remembered that Junior’s bar is shady as FUCK meaning her parents are either shady or irresponsible.

Given you did not describe her teammates, I’m going to go ahead and assume Fabio is just a younger version of that guy who used to be on the cover of every romance novel ever made; because it amuses me. I’d like more details on their actual personalities but won’t dock any points as it looks like there’s more to it in the relationships.

Very quiet end to a mundane but well rounded story. Fitting, but boring.

I love the smell of soft communism in the morning. Seems like a decent type, she’s a bit lacking in depth but there’s no glaring issues.

Reasonable likes and dislikes.

25/30; could use some more depth and her backstory is a little boring personality-wise but nothing actually WRONG per say. 4)Trivia

Isn’t Artyom the main character of the Metro series? I’d honestly expect the mom to be the diplomatic one, bartending is generally a more social job than goldsmithing; sure you take custom orders and the like but most of your time is spent actually making them; whereas the bartender is constantly talking and interacting with people. Minor complaint but nothing I can justify killing points for as it’s more up to personal taste. Could use more information on what disagreements she has with Zinnia. 20-ish years and she can’t decide if she wants to shack up with him? She doesn’t seem like the type to remain uncertain for that long. Again, mention of conflicting beliefs but no details on how/why. A fine skill to have indeed; although the smell is a bit more impressive than the taste. In the backstory the town is called Suikazura; but here it as listed as Hanakotoba. Docking point for inconsistency. 4/5 Hunter Extension

Weapon

That is a really fucking big gun; and a very… interesting combination of weapons. Lot of details to sift through; main rifle and bayonet look fine but I don’t see mention of the pan mag. Is it stored on the gun when the machine gun is inactive or does she have to load/unload it when deploying that component? Mother of overkill that is a mean bullet. Nice that there’s only three in the magazine although it also means limited combat potential due to constant reloading. How many spares does she carry? And where? Ditto for the pan mag but it’s less concerning. 10/15 due to massive ammo requirements B)Semblance

I like semblances that let you convert things you consume into power-ups, underused concept (then again there’s only so many possible ways of doing it.) Too much math, but understandable I guess? Sucky you can’t get wasted though, especially as a bartender. I’m imagining her being really bad at faking it because it’s funnier that way. Too vague on what tripling the durability means; and there’s enough of a difference between strength and how much damage you can take that I’m iffy on it working as an armor boost. What does the name mean, by the way? 11/15 C)Combat Info

Not any real mention of her having acrobatic skill elsewhere, and seems counter-intuitive to her weapon but not her physical build. Forgiveable, but make a stronger effort to expand on how the character operates in other areas of the sheet during future contests/characters in general. In particular, increasing her strength/durability would only marginally improve her ability to move quickly, her muscles might let her move quicker but her dexterity and agility do not increase so she’d be a bit more clumsy with the extra oomph. 4/5 Civilian Extension

I) Day to Day Life

So did she move cities when her parents died, or rename the inn? There’s two different names for the city she lives in listed; everything else checks out but not anything mind blowing enough to recover points.

Total: 71/100

VERY strong first entry, newbie; you got lucky though considering the other entries were pretty half-baked this time around (no offense, Sentry and WC). Don’t expect it this easy in the future.