Thread:Mysterymenace/@comment-38646250-20190722150446/@comment-35455126-20190723023107

Alright, so i’ve read a couple chapters. I’m gonna be blunt and I apologize if I offend you.

There are a couple small problems with how the story is written, but let’s focus on two things for now:

Firstly, it just seems so much like a blatant copy of RWBY. Sure, there’s no magic or Semblances or Grimm, (as far as I know) but there’s stuff like some of the character names, the transforming weapons with names and even the songs. My suggestion is for you to change some of the names so they don’t seem like you just took them straight from RWBY and just....get rid of the songs. They’re a nice idea and I don’t hate them but they make the story look like the script for an episode and are confusing. It’s not wrong to take heavy inspiration from the content you love, but I definitely recommend you distance your own work from it a little more, lest should you be flagged as a ripoff artist.

Now the second problem: the villains.

You certainly have been just vomiting out one villain after another with no chill. And this could just be my ADHD affecting my judgement but none of them seem to have a real personality to them other than “MUAHAHAHA, BEHOLD! I’M SUPER EVIL AND I’M NOT AFRAID TO SHOW IT!” Seriously, there’s even an organization named The Dark Side, and that Roux Radcliff guy literally wants to destroy the world. They’re all just so flamboyantly evil and so far that’s their core trait, and that’s a really bad thing.

You should give each character, including the villains, unique personalities and motivations for their actions (that make sense) to set them apart from each other.

I like your story and I think it has potential, and again i’m not trying to be a dick and discourage/offend you, it’s just that these are some issues I found which need to be addressed and fixed, otherwise your story’s gonna be terrible.