Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-26397825-20170101235836/@comment-26397825-20170113040433

Okay, first to be judged is SomeoneYouUsedToKnow with  Nephrite Ivory Baiyu

1) Basic Info - 10 points - Rabpit? Interesting nickname…

2) Appearance - 18 points

I’m glad you acknowledge that she’s ever so slightly underweight.

I am confused on this description of the outfit; she’s not wearing a shirt but she keep her jacket open to just above her bellybutton, which means her entire upper torso is on display. But the way you describe the zipper being open makes me think that it’s a reverse zipper, where an upwards motion unzips while a downwards motion zips it up, but fleece jackets don’t come with those except in a few cases where they have double zippers - two zips on the same track, one which is normal and the other which is a reverse zipper.

3) Characteristics - 25 points

Backstory feels a bit disjointed in terms of story flow, the information seems to be structured strangely. It’s all there, just took me a few tries to read it and understand who was who and how everything fit into the story.

I had to google what Pensative meant, and not because it’s a not-very-used word. It’s an obsolete and archaic form of pensive. I also feel like pensive and positive demeanour don’t really fit together. Synonyms of pensive include broody, philosophical, reflective and contemplative, which are all things that tend to make you frown in concentration or at least have a neutral face as you think things over. Someone who is very pensive typically shows more frowns than you imply she does, though generally not consciously. She can be gentle and kind while still pensive, but pensive people have a more ‘realist’ air about them than a ‘positive’ air.

4) Trivia - 5 points - Interesting team. Nice detail on all the relationships.

5) Weapon - 10 points

Is there a reason she classified her weapon with words like Radiant and Ardent? Classifications are meant to be easy to look at and see what it is - if it’s got a ranged mode, if it changes forms, etc. Take the weapons from the show for example - Variant Ballistic Chain Scythe. High Caliber Sniper-Scythe. Dual Ranged Shot Gauntlets. All your classification tells me is that it’s shiny and silver. It makes no mention of the gun attachment on the handle, or the fire dust on the edges of the blade.

Is the gun literally just sort of pasted to the side of the handle, or is it incorporated into the handle itself? Does it use magazines or clips, or a revolver cylinder for these bullets?

6) Semblance - 13 points

I think your notes and reflection of personality are longer than the overall description of the semblance. It’s basically a Haste spell cast on her while a clone distracts anyone attacking her. Very basic, but it works.

7) Combat Info - 5 points - It all sounds good.

Total: 86 points