Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-25936766-20170228175626/@comment-25936766-20170318232834

Note: I actually finished this one a while ago but the Wikia ate my post for some reason. It did it again a while ago.

Now, Piscean Pondbender and Karya Melia

Basic Info= 10pts

-Mmm….Nutcase, Cocoa Loco…those seem weirder than Noche’s nickname…I will assume there’s a reason given in her backstory, or somewhere.

-Everything else seems fine.

Appearance= 9pts

-“Extendable squirrel claws”……just how big/long are a squirrel’s claws anyway? (Checks google images) Oh, so they're small....and curved. Can't really see how one hides things like those under one's nails, though Tukson did it so I can't drop anything for it.

-The combat outfit seemed fine….until I read “different color variant of Ilia Amitola’s outfit”. Because then it just feels uncreative, too uncreative. At the same time, define “normal face mask”, emphasis on normal. Best I can think of would be a bandana or one of those things medics wear that cover their mouths and nose.

Backstory= 14pts

-You know, since Faunus, like humans, aren’t necessarily cannibalistic, it doesn’t feel that “unexpected” for a snake Faunus and a rat Faunus to pair up. Ironic maybe, but not unexpected. It’s not like Chloe felt any inclinations to eat her husband……right?

-………..Wait. Are you telling me, that a random ninja mook from the White Fang, blew up the town center…..just to shoot 2 “traitors” dead. He did all that, leading to the slaughter of the village, just to kill 2 people. And yet decided to leave Karya alive, for no discernible reason?

Are you serious?

-………..Sangre Roja. Sangre, Roja. Red Blood, to the letter….are you serious? Sigh….at least you explain where the hell Karya was in the meantime. Not in the best way, but still.

-….Why was Reddie given custody over her? Even if none of the survivors seemingly wanted to do it, he is a Hunter. He would be constantly going out to fight monsters, meaning it would be difficult for him to take care of her constantly. Not to mention, if he’s having some money issues, and needs to travel constantly….

Overall, it would’ve made more sense if Karya was just sent to an orphanage. Besides, how the heck did he really take care of her while doing missions? You’re not going to tell me he took her with him on said missions, right?

-Atlas / Solitas? …I thought Atlas was in Altius. (Checks) Oh, so it is Solitas…nevermind.

-Oh, there’s the explanation for Cocoa Loco…

-“She's interning at a Dust technology manufacturing office within Vale”…I would’ve not minded if you’d said it was in Atlas. But you said “within Vale”…Beacon got wrecked, and Vale ended up a mess thanks to the Dragon and Grimm.

Even if not ALL of Vale was ruined, a good chunk was, and even 6 months later reconstruction is still going. So the idea of her, after all that, interning at a Dust technology manufacturing office within VALE, one still capable of pulling out new products for her to test (nevermind Atlas’s SDC Embargo afterwards), is hard to believe for me. One in Atlas would’ve been more believable.

-And in the end I get no mention of how she got the Nutcase nickname…

Personality= 8pts

-I don’t think that’s what a “4th Wall Break” is…

-Oh, so that’s the explanation for Nutcase…….and for Cocoa Loco? I thought she got that one not for her personality but for a small incident involving a hot mocachino?

-“She's unabashedly happy no matter what she does, but in the few situations where she is not happy at all, she becomes quiet and has no motivation whatsoever, which has led to some questioning of her mental health state at times.”

So…because a normally-happy person sometimes has “severely-sad” moments ocasionally, especially after the Fall of Beacon, one should question her mental health?

….I have this feeling you’re trying to make her sound like a Stepford Smiler, which wouldn’t be strange for her, but the wording feels like the wrong reasoning. “This happy girl sometimes gets depressed, especially after seeing an entire kingdom get rektd, she might not be sane!”. See, that’s what you’re telling me.

Now, if you said some questioned her mental health because she’s “unabashedly happy no matter what she does”, it would make more sense, because while being generally positive is one thing, being seemingly happy ALL the time is more reason to question someone’s mental health.

-“Her hatred of the sniper that killed her parents led her to become a sniper”…..what. It’s minor compared to the rest, but…what. It's not inconceivable, it's not unbelievable, it's not worth dropping any points, but the logic just....it's just stupid.

Relationships= 5pts

-To put it simply, you did a great job here, describing more-than-well enough the relationships each of them had with Karya, especially her parents who last anything before dying.

It would’ve been nice if you did tell me how the heck did Sangre actually manage to take care of her though…given his job it sounds more like you’re telling me he left her alone in a box for hours almost every day. But that’s a different issue.

Trivia= 5pts

-Nothing particularly wrong here, except for the “Sangre Roja=Blood-red” bit. That would be “Rojo Sangre”. For clarification, Sangre Roja is basically saying that the blood is red. Rojo Sangre is basically saying that it’s red like blood.

Weapon= 9pts

-About the name, it’s basically correct, but see, Latin has quite a damn lot of variations for a single word, for nominative case, genitive case, accusative case, etc., along with variations for singular and plural, and for masculine, feminine, and neither.

Album is White in singular-neither-nominative/accusative/vocative. Fulguris is lightning in Singular-Genitive.

-“With Electric being the most common as a non-kill method of doing real damage on opponents”. Okay you lost me here. Last time I checked, Dust bullets were still bullets. If a bullet could kill you, an electric bullet will kill you even more.

Against someone with Aura, both are equally “lethal”, the electric bullet just adds a shock. Against someone without Aura, an electric bullet is just overkill. And against Grimm, it wouldn’t necesarily deal more damage than, say, Fire bullets.

Semblance= 8pts

-That….one of the most redundant, cheap Semblances I’ve ever seen. The effect in itself could be done without Semblance, just practice. Not a real problem, since she could still, say, use it to add extra force for a super jump. But still.

That said, one thing you need to bear in mind: If you reduce the force you use to make a jump, you will make a smaller jump. So it makes no sense for any “long jumps have less of an Aura damage effect” (whatever you mean by that) stuff when long jumps would be almost-impossible in normal circumstances when using the Semblance to reduce the force.

-….You know, bows and silenced guns make noise when being used, and yet remain perfectly capable of maintaining stealthyness. It doesn’t need to be a “big and loud and obvious” sound cue, it could be a short “whoosh” that would only be really audible at close range.

-“Side-Effects: The user has naturally quieter movements.”….That’s even more redundant and cheap than the Semblance itself. Moving quieter is not even hard to learn, and can easily be done naturally without one even noticing.

-Reflection of Personality= 3/5pts. I can see how it fits the “highly adaptable moods and intensity” side of her…..I cannot see how it fits everything after that however.

Combat Info= 5pts

-She’s a classic sniper, Semblance-aside….what else is there to say?

Aside from 1 thing: …why not just bring a damn knife for CQC?

Civilian Extension=+0pt

-There’s still my disbelief with the Valesian Company she’s working for though…

-You already stated in the skills section about her “sublime” painting skills, all this section adds is that she’s gotten many awards for her artwork. And the rest of the Certification section is basically what anyone with common sense would realize.

Total Points: 10+9+14+8+5+5+9+11+5 = 19+22+19+16 = 38 + 38 = 72pts.