Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-25936766-20161203005301/@comment-25936766-20161218131724

So, now I realize I wrote “Competion” instead of Competition in the thread title…

This was ready yesterday, like around 7:50pm…but my internet finally decided to ditch me the rest of the night.

Vedran The IIth’s Nyx Nitocris

1-Basic Info 9/10 –Nyx is indeed greek for night...and the name of a goddess. Doesn’t even sound like a male name, and given they had a goddess with that name, the Ancient Greeks likely didn’t consider it such.

The latin version of the word, Nox, sounds more male by comparison at the least. There’s also the Germanic Necks/Nicors/Nixies, called Nixe in germany, where there was a male counterpart called Nix.

As for Nitocris, only found about 1-2 websites that actually said it meant “rosy-cheeked”. The rest didn’t say anything about any meanings in the name, instead focusing entirely on the (possibly unexistant) pharaoh.

-“a trail of gradually increasing in size leopard spots from his cheekbone to his hairline;”…Pretty sure that would fall under Phys. Traits, given they are tattoos (or at least I assume those are the tatoos). Though you never state that here, making it seem as if he had 2 Faunus traits (spots and claws).

2-Appearance 10/10 –Yeah, I know who the Albains are and how they look, no need to link me to them.

-Cool Aura Effect.

3-Backstory 13/20 –Oh my god, the lack of space between paragraphs. At least it’s not a long backstory.

-“Nyx’s first memory of his involvement with the white fang was painting the their symbol on the walls of a shop that refused to serve faunus; he felt like a hero trying to overturn the villains big armies.” This is why propaganda is bad for kids. It makes them stupid.

-“This lasted until sometime after he made his weapon with the help of his mother, when he started customizing the symbol of the white fang he left behind by drawing the claw with his weapon, which were given local authorities hints on where their base of operation was.”

Wait...how? How does drawing the claw with his weapon give them hints of the branch’s base of operations? Really, how? I cannot even imagine how drawing the symbol’s claw with a clawstaff would give any sort of hint of anything beyond “one of them has a claw. Obviously”.

-Huh, I notice you went a more KISS way with the backstory. Not something long or attempting to be epic. While it doesn’t make it a great piece of art, it does reduce the chance of messing up too much.

3-Personality 10/10 Everything fine here.

4-Trivia 4/5 –Not sure how to feel about a manchild having an army of black shirts.

-“He got the tattoo because he was unsatisfied with how hidden his faunus trait was”. Would’ve been nice if you said that in his Personality section. Or rather, would’ve been nice if you said anything about the tattoos outside this section.

5-Weapon 2/10 What if I told you that the only weapon-related thing I got from Google that included the word Zhua was the Deadliest Warrior Wiki? (And from what I read….it’s just like a grapple hook in practice, it just has a pole).

I found no other weapons called Zhua, no other staff claws, and if there was any other you meant instead, you should’ve provided a link.

You describe it as a scythe, yetthe only Zhua I know looks nothing like a scythe beyond the pole and kinda where the blade(s) are pointing towards. Which makes it somewhat hard for me to picture the weapon in general as you describe it, particularly the Compact form.

In general, I feel I’m reading less about a Zhua or Staff-claw and more about some sort of Rake (which, granted, is kind of a staff-claw).

The idea of a Staff-claw is creative, but I don’t feel I’m reading about one.

6-Semblance 9/15 –Finally, an excuse to yell like an idiot with every attack.

-“Really hard for the user to get a good mileage out of the semblance when alone;”…then why not simply buy a Boombox or something?

-“Was designed as a spectacle style semblance that benefits from the crowd cheering during a tournament.” That’s cool, but, nothing explains how it reflects his personality. That’s the closest thing I’ve seen, and…it doesn’t.

Maybe if he was some egotistic guy who likes attention and praise, but, he isn’t.

7-Combat Info 10/10 Everything is fine here…though I wonder why the WF kept him instead of shutting him up or something.

8-Day to Day life: He has none.

Total: 9+10+13+10+4+2+9+10=30+30+4=64. Ooh, so close.

Sentence: Black Sheep of the White Fang

And the Winner is…

1st: Spirit and Savannah Pearce with 66.

2nd: Vedran The II and Nyx Nitocris with 64.

3rd: Ahpolki Inika and Llewelyn Brandr with 60