Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-24534644-20170630004409/@comment-24534644-20170724044637

Sorry to ignore your post, Sentry, but I have judgment to deliver.

This next one is Herbert Graham Dwight, from SomeoneYouUsedToKnow. 

1) Basic Info: Pretty sure that the Great War took place over 80 years prior, not 60. Minor discrepancy, but it's there. I also have to ask why his name is listed as "Unknown". Surely he would know his own age, and if not it would be on record somewhere.

Another detail, going back to the Great War topic, is that if the war took place at least 80 years ago, and he was old enough to be conscripted during the war, he'd be, at minimum, in his mid-late nineties. Now, this doesn't destroy the whole thing for me, and I'm willing to ignore this detail for the sake of the character, but the issue is present nonetheless. 8/10

2) Appearance: Umm... you do know that 'mt' is the unit of measurement for a metric ton, right? Not a meter. A meter is just 'm'. I assume you meant meter, in which case his height is about 5'7 feet.

Other than that brief piece of confusion,inducement, I like it. Pretty basic of course, but from what I've gathered that's entirely the point. 19/20

3) Characteristics: Another small discrepancy that pops up throughout the bio: this might just be an oversight, but he wouldn't have aspired to join the Atlesian military, as the kingdom wasn't known as Atlas at the time (not even sure if Atlas the city existed at the time, but that's uncertain). Doesn't change anything, just confused me for a minute. I'm also going to assume that the locations Alsius and Sanus are original places that you thought up yourself.

Ultimately though, the backstory and personality are quite good. Extremely long and extensive... I do like that sort of thing, but this is pushing it a bit, even for me. Separating them into multiple sections was an unusual, but ultimately good choice. That's a formatting issue though, and I see no issues with the story itself. 29/30

4) Trivia: A bit odd how Diana can have it to be pissed off at a crotchety old man for fighting for another kingdom in a war fought almost a century prior. That would be like modern kids being angry at a random German restaurant owner because the World Wars happened. Granted, it is different because the guy in this case was actually involved, but hey, he's an old man, come on. I like the subtle yin/yang thing she and Aiden have going though.

I'm actually less curious about the conscription thing, as I was thinking that was a possibility back then as well. I'm more wondering why bribery wasn't used at some point during the backstory, as that's the only part of this nursery rhyme's history that actually stands out. Doesn't affect the character though. 5/5

I) Weapon: Holy bazongos man, these weapon details are off the chain. This puts Crescent Rose to absolute shame.

Seriously though, I like that you kept the Atlas (Mantle) design aethetic, while keeping it extremely old-fashioned in comparison to modern Atlesian stock weaponry. I admit, part of me wonders if they even had full on carbine rifles back then, considering Crocea Mors is apparently an example of a standard weapon of the time. Then again, we see guns depicted in WoR, and we can assume Mantle has always been at least somewhat more technologically forward than the other Kingdoms. Considering it's the weapon of a former-generic faceless military goon, it works well. 14/15

II) Semblance: I... was honestly horribly confused for a moment there. Then I realized the joke with the name. And I laughed. Well played, sir.

That being said, the Semblance is basically...a painkiller? That works, I guess. Pretty boring, but I guess everything about this character was meant to be boring. I don't understand how a person doesn't realize they have Aura though. How does one not notice that they have an equivocal force field around them protecting them from cuts and the like? However, to be honest, I was going into this expecting not to see any Semblance, so the way this was handled was quite interesting and clever. 14/15

III) Combat Info: Everything here makes sense. Which... is good. Basic stuff. Uhh... moving on. 5/5

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I) Day to Day Life: Not much extra info to be found here, but there is some to be found. 1 reward point has been earned.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Point Total: 95

<p style="font-weight:normal;">There is the issue regarding timeline accuracy, but overlooking that, surprisingly good. Compelling backstory, good personality, and simple without seeming lazy. What few issues exist are due to pieces that are confusing to varying extents. Good job.