User blog:Flashfire212/Fanfiction Spotlight - The Rose General (both paths)

Ok, I know this isn't really the place to post this. But, I've had a bit of readership from the chat, and I mentioned that there was originally going to be a totally different plot. And so, I shall post two different sections. One of these will be the previously unseen, darker Chapter Two, the other will be a section from the revamped one. Or, hell, I'll say the full thing. These follow on from The opening chapter of both, and from there it divulges. So you might want to read that first, so you know what's going on. This is partially me advertising, and also partially me showing the two different sides of my writing.

Original "Dark-Fic" Path
A body on a pyre is never a positive sight, Yang reasoned. It was a dark reminder that all lives end. Although, Jaune’s life never needed to end so early. Pyrrha hadn’t been all together for days, according to Ren. She was always vacant in her stare, like she was waiting for something. Yang snuck a glance to the front row, to spy the young woman in question. Her hair was dishevelled and a total mess, while her eyes were red from crying. Her clothes were matted – Ren had told the three girls in their room that Pyrrha hadn’t slept or showered since Jaune died. In fact, she was barely eating and drinking – only doing either if they brought food and drink to her, not making any attempts to do it herself. Nora spent all her time trying to cheer the distraught woman up, meaning that he’d been faced with quiet days. And that, on top of Jaune’s death, had taken its toll on the stoic young man. He seemed even quieter than usual, more resigned to whatever came at him.

She still didn’t listen as Ozpin read out the young man’s achievements to the crowd of friends, family and Hunters. The Arc family were there, and she noted that Nora and Pyrrha were surrounded by good people. Jaune’s family wasn’t the most powerful, nor was it rich. But it was welcoming, and they had basically accepted Pyrrha as an honorary member of the family. But, something wasn’t right. It had been three days, and that was the real underlying thing in Yang’s mind. Where was Ruby? It wasn’t like her not to be with the team for three days, let alone not attend Jaune’s funeral. It wasn’t right. Finally, she stood. Blake looked at her, but neither spoke. The look was enough. Yang turned and walked away, but looked back once as Jaune’s father, a broad-shouldered man with a long sword hanging from his belt lit the pyre to engulf his son’s body in flames. With a sudden flicker, a white burst of aura leapt from his burning body, and flowed into Pyrrha. Most of the audience, unfamiliar with aura, flinched. Unsurprisingly, Ozpin and Pyrrha herself didn’t seem fazed, like this was expected. Yang shook her head. Whatever that was, it wasn’t the time to ask. Not now. There was something more important for her to do.

She opened the door to their old bunkroom, expecting to find it empty. Instead, a young woman stood there. Her clothing was torn and clearly damaged, and there were strips of her cloak tied to notable places on her arms and legs, with a few blood-soaked patches on her torso as well. Her face was damp, like she’d recently been crying, and a bag sat in front of her, packed full of clothes, food and ammunition.

“Ruby?” The girl flinched; shocked that she’d been caught by her sister.

“Hi, Yang,” her voice was faint and raw, and it was clear that the tears were fresh.

“Why don’t you come out to the others? It’s Jaune’s funeral, and they want to talk to you. It’s been three days. ” It wasn’t much, Yang reasoned, but it was an option. Of course, the smarter one would be to drag her sister to hospital, since she’d clearly been injured, and quite badly. But all Ruby could do was shake her head.

“I… I couldn’t.”

Yang was speechless. She was aware of the crush her sister had on Jaune, the first boy to give her the time of day. She would have expected Ruby to want to be there, to comfort Pyrrha and her teammates, and come to grips with her loss. Instead, the girl couldn’t meet her sister’s gaze, and looked away as words flowed from the younger girl’s mouth.

“I killed them. All four of them.” Yang went pale. Now she could smell the stench of gunpowder and blood on her sister, and she realised that Ruby’s sudden silence wasn’t due to a failure to catch those responsible, but because she succeeded. The girl turned, and lifted Crescent Rose. Blood dripped from the scythe blade, as if fresh.

“I’ve been moving the bodies.” Ruby was still talking, but Yang could only hear the words, not comprehend what her sister was saying. Her body was cold. She knew it wasn’t murder, not in the true sense of the word. But it was enough to break Ruby more than Jaune’s death alone could have.

“I’m… I’m not going down there. Because I don’t deserve to. Jaune wouldn’t have wanted them dead.” Yang wanted to scream at her sister, to bring her back to her senses. Sure, her sister was probably right; Jaune wouldn’t have wanted Cardin dead in this way. But Jaune wouldn’t have wanted his friend to suffer for avenging him either. Ruby returned Crescent Rose to its gun form and shouldered the bag, and it hit Yang then. Her sister was packing her bags to leave.

“I’m not worthy of being called a ‘Rose’. And I’m not worthy of their friendship.”

“Ruby, wait! We can talk about this!” The younger sister shook her head, the ghost of a smile fading over her face.

“Bye, Yang.” And, before the older girl could move, Ruby was gone, and in her place was a cloud of flower petals. Rose petals. Yang slumped to the floor, defeated. First, Jaune died. Then, Ruby left to places unknown, lost in a world of her own. A world of her fears. And there was nothing she could do about it. Without thinking, Yang threw a punch into the wall from where she sat. The punch activated Ember Celica, and blew a small hole from their room to the next. Of course, in her mental state, she didn’t care.

After what seemed to be an eternity, she stood. It was a chain reaction. Jaune’s death set Ruby off, then Ruby’s departure left her numb. She walked from the room, almost in a trance, and walked straight into Weiss.

“Watch where you’re going, Yang!” Weiss’s face was red, and it looked like she was about to erupt into a tirade, then she noticed her teammate’s pale face. “Wait, are you ok?”

“Ruby’s gone.” It was all Yang could say. Weiss blinked, confused.

“Gone?”

“As in, walked out. Gone.”

“Gone where?” the girls both froze as Ozpin stood directly behind them, looking for all the world unconcerned as usual.

“I… I’m not sure, Professor Ozpin.” Yang managed to stammer out. “She caught Team CRDL, though. And that might be the reason she isn’t coming back. Can we talk about this somewhere private?” The professor nodded.

“Bring Miss Belladonna; we shall discuss this in my office.” Casually, the professor took a sip from his mug, before strolling off. Yang sighed. Even with a war going on outside the city, the professor hadn’t changed a bit.

''Yeah, this was never finished, by the way. This was all I had.''

Continued Path
''In my mind, I see myself But not just one of me. I see how my actions shape And what I could have been. My acts that night, I do admit Were worse than I should fear But to kill Jaune, before my eyes They better hope hell keeps them there.''

Ruby’s eyes were the warning point for Cardin, and he barely managed to manoeuvre his mace into the oncoming scythe swing. The sheer fury in them was paralysing, and due to that, Russel couldn’t raise his knives in time to block the rebound swing. Crescent Rose cleanly cleaved through his arms. She rotated the blade with a minor gesture, and hit the trigger. The recoil sent the blade catapulting towards her, cleanly splitting the thug in two. As he dropped, he managed to arm both knives, and as they hit the ground, each one launched forward with micro-rocket thrust. In a flash of rose-petals, Ruby was no longer in the way, and Dove instead was pelted with the one-two combo of exploding knives, leaving him dazed and bleeding. Of course, thanks to that, he never had a chance to even flinch as the scythe impaled him through the crotch. Almost casually, Ruby spun the giant weapon over her head, and the body flew into the jungle, food for the Grimm. Cardin exchanged a nod with Lark, and the two attacked together. Cardin went low, his mace in hand ready to crush a femur. Likewise, Lark went higher, aiming for Ruby’s slight chest. Neither of them found success as Ruby seemed to teleport into the air. She fired the sniper-scythe, busting Cardin’s hand clean open with the bullet and forcing him to drop his mace. Lark was even less lucky, as the young woman pinned him to the ground with the flat head of the scythe against his chest and jammed her small foot down onto his crotch. “You shot him. Time to join your friends in hell.” She raised the scythe, but instead of swinging, she spun. The blade cleaved through him twice – once at the knees, then again at the neck. She growled and left the body to bleed as she spun on Cardin.

“Now, to kill the main traitor of the lot,” she spat. Crescent Rose arced up, and began to swing down towards his heart, but Cardin acted first. He raised the rocket-knife he’d stolen from Russel’s body, and hit the trigger. The mini-rocket launched and stabbed Ruby clean in the gut – a wound that was clearly not going to be fatal, but was defiantly painful as the rocket exploded, driving the metal deeper into her flank and scarring the area around it with burns. Of course, even that impact couldn’t stop the cold steel of her scythe, which simply dropped and stabbed him through the chest. Ruby doubled over, clearly badly hurt, but as the life faded from Cardin’s eyes, he saw a sight that would leave his final moments in confusion – a young woman whose face was halfway between satisfaction and horror.

Ruby looked at the devastation around her, and simply froze up. Three bodies lay around her, each one dead or dying, and the blood was everywhere. It covered her. The stench of blood and gunpowder was everywhere. The blade on her scythe, as much as it would normally be clean and the bodies left as flower petals, dripped with the blood of the dead. A sob burst from her throat. She hadn’t just killed them, she’d massacred them. She started to straighten at the waist, even with the shooting pain from the knife in her gut, but a gasp left her frozen. Nora stood there, just staring.

“OhmygodRubyjustkilledthemall!” Nora was always energetic, but this wasn’t just a burst of energy. It was infused with her horror. Ren was right behind her, and his silence spoke volumes. It wasn’t accepting. It was furious and betrayed. Then, the two members of Jaune’s team stepped to the side, and Ruby found herself underneath the withering gaze of her sister.

“You… you think you can do things like this and it’s all good?” Yang’s face wasn’t holding anything back. Her eyes were red, and her expression could have melted plate steel. Even without the flames that surrounded her body. “You killed them. Murdered them. They could have given us information, and faced justice for what they did. But no, Ruby knows best, because they killed someone close to her.” Yang turned away, and her final words were barely more than a whisper. “I can’t believe I’m related to you.”

Ruby opened her mouth to speak, but Weiss and Blake’s appearance next to Yang silenced her.

“Enough of this nonsense. It’s clear that Ruby isn’t in control of herself, and has no place with a weapon like… that.” Weiss gestured to Crescent Rose, the blade still imbedded in Cardin’s chest. “I say we take it from her, and leave her to face the Grimm alone.”

“Yes.” Pyrrha forced Blake to one side, and pulled the scythe from the corpse with a sickening squelch. “I will remember today as the day I lost two friends. One was killed. The other became the very thing she hunted – a monster.” The giant scythe didn’t seem right in the woman’s hands, but when Pyrrha handed it to Sun, it seemed complete. All of her friends felt she didn’t belong. They were turning their backs on her. Revenge had led her to become what they hated. She watched as they walked away, but Ruby’s voice failed her again. Instead, two ethereal figures floated up to her. Bodies glowing white and passing through the trees. Ruby felt her heart leap.

“Summer? Jaune?” her voice was faint and gravelly, like she’d been screaming for hours. In a way, she guessed, she had. But, when she saw Jaune’s face, she knew it wasn’t good. He was furious.

“I died, and this is what you decide is good to keep my memory alive? Killing the people that got me?” he spat, although she couldn’t see anything. “Ruby, no matter what you think, if I knew you were going to do something stupid like this, I would never have become your friend. I would never return your feelings. And what the hell were you doing, falling for me? Did you want to ruin your friendship with me? With Pyrrha? Your emotions could have single-handedly ruined everything!” His expression shifted from fury to regret. “Oh, wait. You just did.” Even the spirit of Summer Rose, the woman from the altar, wasn’t playing nice. “You think that you are worthy of the name Rose? Thorn is more appropriate. You aren’t even worth the effort to guide any more. I hope you enjoy your rewards, because this is more than you deserve.” Both of the sprits faded, and Ruby could hear the faint whispering between Jaune and the elder spirit, speaking how she was ‘so promising’, and how perhaps the ‘next Rose’ will be better. Then, it hit her. She was alone. Silently, she raised her hands to her eyes to cry, but they hit something hard, like bone. Desperate, she grasped one of Russel’s knives, and studied her reflection.

There, across her petite face, was the mask of the Grimm.

Ruby sat bolt upright in bed, panicked. Sweat caked the clothes to her skin, and when she looked, these weren’t her pyjamas. Hell, this wasn’t her bed. It was a hospital room, and she was wearing what looked like a white nightie. One of Weiss’s? She couldn’t tell. Yang sat on the chair next to her, and jumped at the surprise of the redhead’s sudden awakening.

“Ruby!” The older girl dived for her sister, but the smaller one slipped from her grasp.

“What happened?” Ruby’s face was confused, and Yang’s face fell.

“Oh, you don’t remember. You got hurt. Badly. Ursa hit you across the head, knocked you out. Wouldn’t have made it if it wasn’t for Jaune, and he got pretty badly hurt protecting you. Apparently, he caught a stray bullet from one of Cardin’s team members just before you were hit…” Yang found herself cut off by Ruby’s sudden disappearance. One second, the redhead was there. The next, she was gone.

Within seconds, Ruby was at the nurse’s station, and without waiting to see anyone, snuck a glance over the desktop. A room number - 132, marked to the name ‘Jaune Arc’. She could hear Yang start to come after her, but Ruby didn’t care. Instead, she followed the numbers, and found herself outside room 132. She could see, without much effort, a person sitting at the chair by the bed, but without holding back, she burst in and overbalanced, falling flat on her face.

“Ruby! Are you ok?” Pyrrha stood from the chair and helped the young girl back onto her feet. Jaune, sitting awake in the bed, smiled at her. “Good to see you’re ok. You gave us all a scare.” Ruby was frozen in surprise. Jaune had been shot, just like in her dream. But he wasn’t dying. He wasn’t badly wounded. There were bandages wrapped around his shoulder and torso, but other than that, he seemed fine.

“You…you were shot…” Jaune shrugged it off.

“My aura mostly protected me, and it was an accident. I was between him and the Ursa, he apologized. No big deal. Well, aside for having to get a bullet out of my lung. Not gonna be fighting for a few months, but I’ll be up and ready for action again before long.” Without explanation, Jaune was blushing. Was it modesty? Embarrassment? Ruby stood there, confused. Finally, Pyrrha broke the tension.

“Um, Ruby? Why aren’t you dressed?” The young girl looked down. The nightie she had been wearing was partially see-through thanks to the sweat sticking it to her skin, and clearly meant to be worn under a hospital gown. Not one of Weiss’s at all. Here she was, giving the boy she liked and one of his friends a full view of her body. So, she did the only thing she could.

She fainted.

Author comparison
Well, it's hard for me to say. The first chapter variant was one for a psycho-thriller sort of fanfic, but my proofreader basically told me to cut it because it was too dark. The other story path has been fun to right, but I have to tie in the original title, The Rose General, somehow. I know how I'm going to do it, but it just won't be the same. I do love the second path, which is up to chapter eight on Fanfiction.net, and a ninth is floating on my PC to be finished. So, yeah. If you think I'd be able to write the psychological-thriller version, I might do a few runs of it. If not, I'll just stick to the formula I've been doing, of drama, mixed with action, mixed with comedy. So, enjoy, and I'd like to know what you think.