Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-25936766-20161203005301/@comment-25936766-20161215021202

Finished. If I could become some Virtual Avatar, I would seriously murder my internet and replace it with something less Trollish.

Ahpolki Inika’s Llewelyn Brandr: 

1-Basic Info 9/10 Everything looks fine so far…..except for the name, Llewelyn, which doesn’t feel like a male name at all. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s a girl’s name.

2-Appearance 10/10 Everything looks fine here.

3-Backstory 7/20 -Why was he enlisted in the army? He was, for starters, a bandit, from outside the kingdoms. Someone who would normally stay away enough from the kingdoms for them to be only vaguely aware of the general presence of his tribe, much less of him. It doesn’t make sense to me.

-The Faunus War….then “6 years ago based on V4’s timeline”, which I assume means “6 years before the show begins”. We barely know anything about the timeline in exact terms. The FRR possibly happened after the Great War which was 80 years before RWBY begins, so it could’ve happened at any moment within those 80 years. We don’t know enough to be too specific with it.

-Why did he agree to join the WF, bet or not? They are terrorists. Was there anything that forced him to accept? Because I saw nothing besides “Petro was stronger”, which is a cheap excuse that doesn’t go with shown WF behavior. So far they have been shown gathering recruits with persuasion (speeches) and achievements (acquiring prototype Atlesian Military Tech), not by beating them up.

-Alright, so he met Volucris...and then just decided to work with him, just like that? Not to mention we are explained absolutely nothing about Volucris besides “shares similar feelings”. He’s just….something that comes out of nowhere.

-And, does his “commanding officer” have any methods to force Brandr into using his tavern for those purposes? He cannot try to beat Brandr up (again), it would look bad among the other members if Petro did that, since Brandr isn’t even (as far as he knows) of questionable loyalty.

3-Personality 5/10 The “love for fights” part is good, but it makes one wonder why he decided to become a bartender, of all things. Not a competitive/profesional fighter of any sort, but a bartender. The excuse of “wanting to avoid Shade Academy’s attention” is flimsy. The bit of “rebellious streak” also makes it even more absurd that he agreed to join the WF. Likes and Dislikes are consistent.

4-Trivia 3/5 Relationships are fine, except for parts of Volucris’s. For starters, he wants to influence the chain of command to, supposedly, gain more access to the WF’s resources and get stuff to blackmail them with, “to advance his experiments”……why? Also, just how did he implant a “Dust chip” in Brandr’s neck without him being aware of it?

5-Weapon 9/10 Would be nice to know where does he store the Dust in the weapon.

As for Usage: The first sentence in that paragraph should go in the Combat Info section, as it refers to the user’s fighting style instead of how he uses his weapon. I’m perfectly sure parrying attacks is possible with a greatsword too, even if more difficult.

Disarming enemies? In a way, more easy; the weight makes it easier to break the oponent’s weapon, and a swing can easily dismember someone or at least cause heavy injury to their arms or legs. (Though not judging you for that bit, just giving my mind). Besides that, weapon is good.

6-Semblance 8/15 Sounds like Nora’s, but with Lightning replaced by Fire. Unlike Nora’s though, while it absorbs, it doesn’t protect against the fire...so his Aura is both reduced from using the Semblance, and reduced to protect him from the flames….sounds rather impractical.

Also, the correct range is Personal. It only affects the user. Short = “the user touches something”. Like when they land a punch, or put their hand on a rock.

I see no Reflection of Personality….

7-Combat Info 5/10 Barbarian is definitely the correct term.

“If he has any Fire Dust on hand, he may use it as a sort of makeshift jet”….? Is that possible? Closest thing I remember to something like that was Cinder blasting up the elevator….and she had full Maiden powers back then.

The “Fighting Style” description is a literal copypaste of what you put in the Weapon’s section “Usage”. Boo.

8-Day to Day life: -Skills: +1, at the least he’s not a great bartender. Being decent at best is believable.

-Occupation: +2

-Certificates: I count them, though him being enlisted still makes no sense to me. +1

Total: 9+10+7+5+3+9+8+5+1+1+2= 28 + 20 + 8 + 4 = 48+12 = 60. I know you have participated before, so no bonus.