User blog:Derrmann/I just don't know anymore.

I don't know whether or not I should seriously leave the chat, here is where I need advice.

Here's my issue:

I am a person who does not like to socialize beyond the internet. I depend on things like the chat to get some social interaction because I feel I can connect easier there. The problem is, I'm bad at joining in on conversations. To be exact, I might as well not even exist on the friggin' chat because 95% of what I say is ignored. Working on a RWBY AMV or drawing something RWBY related and trying to get feedback on it? NOPE. Not on this chat at least. I feel like I'm stuffed into the corner alone. I cannot stand being alone. Yet here I am, alone. I am always asking for things and sitting here in my little emo state because I truly feel alone. I cannot communitcate with damn-near anyone on chat because my statements are completely and utterly ignored.

The next issue that is really causing me to leave is the fact that none of the people I knew are here any longer. I'm an outcast, I feel as though I'm being sent to the corner and told to shut up 95% of the time. I am starting to feel I'm overstaying my welcome, like I'll never be a part of this new wiki. I can't stand it. After what happened with Rain, and having an emotional attachment to this place, I can't leave it. Yet I feel as if I'm being pushed out, told to sit down and shut up. I hate it.

I came back hoping for a better time full of friends to socialize to interact with. I'm finding a fun time for those who came after my hiatus and none of my friends are here. I feel like I've lost everything, but I can't bring myself to leave. This wiki is my home, and though I'm having troubles, I can't leave it.

Part of me knows this is all my fault. I know that the only one to blame is me. I know it was my fault for leaving. I know that it is my fault for not being social. I know that things will never be the same. I know that I will never fit in here. I know that I will never be acknowledged. I know that I should no longer exist.

But I do.

I'm too conflicted to settle things for myself. I cannot stick with a choice when I make it. I hate myself for it. There are a million other people that Icould blame, but I only come to myself. I hate being indicisive, bt I am constantly. I feel as though I've overstayed my welcome, so I pose a question:

Do I stay, or do I go. I'll end up equally alone either way, so th choice is not mine to make. Users of the chat, I want you to tell me what you Really think. Do you want me to continue to be a part of this wiki or no? Please, be honest.

The wind shifts....