Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-25396609-20150530162910/@comment-25555436-20150606194316

Now....Cyrania, right? Let's see....Dolma Cabernet...my god, that post is filled with Sporebucks/Simoleons.

1)Basic Info:

-Actually, just checked. Cabernet refers to 2 kinds of grapes. Though granted, people use grapes to make wine (that's why even Jesus loved wine).

-A male, old, retired dolphin Faunus Hunter....wait a minute, what is that about 7 minutes lung capacity? Do you mean he can hold his breath for 7 darn minutes?! I've seen people hold it for about 3 at best. According to the "Institute for Marine Mammal Studies", dolphins can hold their breath for up to 10, but normally breathe every 5....alright, as he is a dolphin Faunus, I'll let it slide. (Total score: 20).

2)Appearance:

-Sounds like quite the old sailor. All it needs is a hook, a longcoat and an eyepatch. Just kidding, he's fine here (total score: 20 pts).

3) Personality and Background....holy shit, use the damn enter button next time.

-A loyal, loving old man that cares about his family and friends, yet mistrusts strangers and is tired of the world already. Yeah, most pirates with a heart ended up like that. Nothing new, nothing impressive, but also feels rather short. (Personality: 12 pts).

-Wait, so...his father, raped his mother, from which Dolma was conceived, and his father left his mother to die in a supposedly-heroic battle..........................what.

-So his mother gets sold, he ends up in semi-permanent slavery because no one loves him, and during his time in slavery he suffered a lot in multiple ways, but meanwhile got the trust of the other slaves and tried to learn how to become a good sailor. Well, at least it got interesting.

-Wait, so a Hunter party appeared out of nowhere and saved everyone? That....sounds a damn lot like a Deus Ex Machina. And conveniently, Dolma is instead of freed, adopted by the Hunter group's "leader".

-....So his teammates were trying to kidnap Ariadne.......and he turned them mad with his Semblance, which based on how you said it happened 1 month before graduation, means he spent at least 3 years in Haven not knowing how to do that. And suddenly, he learns how.....

-Waaaait a fucking minute. She didn't like the idea of becoming a Hunter due to what happened, for some reason. So he inmediately proposed to her (nevermind how by that time they should be barely older than 20) and she accepted without a second thought?

....And even had 10 children with her.....oh god, it's finally over.

Alright....WHAT KIND OF SHIT WAS THAT?! The pacing, the plot twists, they were horrendous! The convenient Deus Ex Machina that could make Kirito proud, why are they there! His teammates, made evil for the sake of a cheap attempt at drama, what the hell. And he proposing her right there, barely days/weeks after what happened, and she accepting without second thought, what the hell man?! This sounds like it came right out of Fanfiction.net. It deserves some points for explaining his mistrust for strangers and love for his family, but still, it's an overall shit. (Background: 4 pts).

4) Combat info. Hopefully, you did a better job here...

-So, you play Etrian Oddyssey? Cool, this should make things slightly simpler. For anyone that hasn't played that game: A Hexer is a character focused on eliminating crowds of enemies through strong debuffs and some rather overpowered status effects. Such as making an enemy scared and manipulating a scared enemy, making it run away, attack other enemies, or even kill itself. Sadly, the Hexer is shit against bosses, as it's all debuffs and status effects.

-So, he uses a quarterstaff with a pair of vines wrapping it...that also doubles as a sniper rifle somehow, by "the bottom opening for the barrel"...I have a hard time seeing what you mean by that. I get the trigger and scope parts, but not quite that part.

How you described the weapon when changing to a sniper rifle, after the "trigger and scope" part.....it sounds slightly possible, kind of stretching it, but also sounds pretty stupid. You aimed for some creativity, I can see that, but....the result is kind-of cringe-worthy. (Weapon: 2 pts).

-Semblance: You know, stop. Manipulating plants is understandable, tolerable, as long as limits are set, such as "the bigger the plant, the harder to control" (which, you didn't really put there. You didn't really put an actual limit beyond high energy (which I assume is Aura) consumption, which is universal).

But when you add that it can manipulate animal cells, including brain cells, with only the universal "Aura cost" limit, you simply end up making an overpowered mess. By manipulating brain cells, you can win any battle against a human or animal, which is pretty much the only likely things that will try to kill you.

You could easily manipulate the reception of information in the neurones, drive a person mad or even effectively control their emotions, or even break their minds- Hell, he can even accelerate their age, which can be fatal one way or another. Against any living enemy, Dolma literally has to do nothing but use his Semblance and he already can make an enemy useless. It's too overpowered and has pretty small limits to balance it. (Semblance: 3 pts).

-"Grow a mushroom to land on"....Alright, given his Semblance, it's possible, and gets points for that. But what if there is no mushroom to land on? There are thousands of places where fungi doesn't grow. And even if they were there, tell me: what if the mushroom is poisonous? There are mushrooms that can kill a person in minutes just by being nearby, not even touching them. (Landing Strategy: 2 pts. Possible, but needed to be explained much better).

-His fighting style sounds heavily dependant on manipulating plants and such, which is understandable, but there's one bit that worries me. You said he could make things grow, but couldn't reverse the changes. Which means, he could grow his vines to make an oponent trip or something, but would not be able to make them smaller again after using the Semblance. Which leads to a certain problem: Unless he makes sure his enemies cut the vines constantly, that would mean that he has no way of cutting his vines during combat (as he uses a quarterstaff and bullets are rarely enough to cut vines), which would be impractical.

Not to mention, since the vines are wrapped up on his staff, and he chooses to hold an oponent with them, it would lead to him becoming pretty inefective for the rest of the battle. Because he would have big problems at trying to wield the staff effectively in the meantime, and can't cut his vines unless he brought some scissors and spent a minute or 2 cutting them. Aiming while in rifle form would also become more difficult, for similar reasons.

This overall leads to a pretty impractical fighting style with problems of it's own, unless he chooses to just go OP with his Semblance. For this reason: (Fighting Style: 2 pts).

5)Trivia:

-The way you describe his relationships is nothing new, anyone that read what you already wrote would have realized all those things. Though the bit regarding his children, seems rather....just, what happened to your grammar?

"Makes sure to be as much a part of their lives as possible as not to be his dad".....I assume you meant "as not to be like his dad...". (+1 pt).

"...yet wishing to have been able to spend more time-" and cut right there. I guess you can forget about getting points from that part, as by leaving it as it is it doesn't make too much sense or sound particularly "character-saving".

Total Score:20+20+12+4+2+3+2+2+1=66.

Saved by the first 2 sections. Defeated Maki almost-only because he didn't really put a Landing Strategy. But next time, seriously, try not to make such a terrible plot.