Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-25396609-20170201003940/@comment-24993958-20170419224943

7thSalamander wrote:

 3) Characteristics:

 Background: ...His father died due to a bandit ambush attracting Grimm when he was 10, leaving him and his mother (insert missing word here). She took over his schooling and put a bit more focus on training, skirting over most of his core lessons... Though he eventually settled on a sword and pistol, he sometimes uses his fathers’ dual chain axes, and a variation of his mothers’ spear/hammer combo that uses a spear/pick axe. The scar on his face is from a training accident with his mother.

After his father’s death his mother started back doing  part time work , meaning it wasn’t uncommon for her to be gone for at least 10 days a month(part time jobs specifically let's you work less to spend time with onees family), leaving him to do things his way...

... A few of the huntress’ she would bring over happened to work at Beacon, where he eventually ended up after helping two of them out of a Grimm situation when they were on their way to meet his mother, far too drunk to fight. His mother felt it was time for him to go out on his own and pawned him off on them by calling in a few favors...

 Dislikes: Bandits, seeing people cry (very few people like that sort of thing, try and replace this with things people aren't as likely to hate), Carrots.

 B) Semblance

 Reflection of Personality: It gives information and makes it easier to obtain (insert missing word here).

Ok...It’s highly unlikely your character would carry such an arsenal of weapons.

For starters he’s 16, the age Ruby was when she started her first year at beacon, yet Ruby, a prodigy in her own right, has arguably 4 ways she can use her weapon, 2 sniper stances and 2 scythe forms…worth noting you can argue she only has to learn 2 ways of combat, long ranged fire and polearm combat. As an aside, Pyrrha, the biggest prodigy in the series, has 3 actual stances we see her use interchangeably: a spear stance, a sword and shield stance and a firearm stance, all reasonably different in use from one another.

Your character has: a firearm, a short sword, a dagger in the offhand, a polearm and pickaxe he can use. Nothing that looks initially out of place until you realize one can argue your oc is outdoing two prodigies AT THE SAME TIME. Even if you claim he can’t properly use one or two of those things he would still have a larger arsenal he can use proficiently than Ruby while achieving such a feet 2 years before Pyrrha while being mostly self-taugh.

Either way you slice it, your character is committing a big personal writer sin, which is trying to outdo canon characters, because when you make your characters stand out that hard their existence creates a plothole because they never got referenced in the show despite standing out as hard as some of the most admired characters in the show. To add to that he somehow helped save more experienced huntresses that were dumb enough to walk around drunk on a GRIMM-INFESTED PLANET to the extent they couldn’t handle a situation by their own and needed the help of a younger than 16 years old, self-taught, multi-weapon proficient kid…wow it sounds even worse when I type it out…

Basically what I’m saying is, ditch one of the two weapons he can use and scrap the part about saving drunken hunters. If they are friends with their mom they are likely to be easily persuaded to let him try the initiation without them needing to hold the idiot ball and be saved in a manner that paints your oc as a bit of a sue.