Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-25555436-20150320010432/@comment-24993958-20150325232004

22xander wrote: k, crituiqes? On it. Frostbite, cool name but something tells me most of your characters won’t be from atlas...oh Good Gambling God of Goods and Grass… that Engrish…better turn off the music for this one…I need to focus…btw might want to specify who uses the nicknames, it ads more personality to the characters...faunus hater leading a group filled with them...interesting, got to remember that one...ok so....

Nero…weapons are great, love the asymmetrical approach to the guns, and his semblance is peoperly balanced and fitting… his backstory on the other hand is…overdone…slightly…there is a thin line between a back-story being depressing and just cartoonishly sad and I feel you crossed it with the “his presence was so unsettling he got kicked out of an orphanage” bit… what that means is his sad backstory, that’s meant to evoke sadness out of me evokes humor…because he becomes so unrealistically unlucky I stop viewing him as a person and vies him as…a target of slapstick humor in a Looney Tunes episode…obviously that’s not the intention but sadly that’s the result…so overall I’d recommend you town it down a bit. Let him stay at the orphanage, not like those places are good at keeping track of everyone so he can still do his own thing with conning while having a roof over his head. Also mention that the characters captured him also unlocked his aura and helped him train it…because there is no way in Hell you can convince me he did that on his own with a backstory like that, and most importantly…spellcheck please.

Rabenda…love the backstory and weapon…but she needs a better clarification on her semblance… I mean telling me she can store signals is all fine and dandy….but what exactly is that signal…is it a signal emitted from a radio tower?…a signal that is expressed through body language?…encrypted messages from aliens?…a methaphorica signal?...telling me it’s a signal is WAY too vague.

Sterling…cool and unique animal choice, simple background…almost to simple, you could expand it a bit with some noticeably important people in his childhood, a parent, some faunus friends, heck maybe a teacher, stuff like that to flesh him out more…don’t take this as an invitation to kill them, that’s just lazy.

Bianco…reduce the weight of her quarterstaff…aura or no aura, training or no, you cannot have her realistically fight stuff with a weapon SEVERAL times her weight, it’s impractical ever for strength semblance standards….also add more stuff on her background like I mentioned Sterlings…if you don’t want to talk about anyone else consider giving them a hobby and talking about it…also I’m probably beating on a dead horse with this but either use word document for spellchecking or find a beta reader…please.