Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-24993958-20160201223522/@comment-24993958-20160214220424

Fair warning again, I’m trying to make the sat model work, so everyone starts with 50: It all adds up to a maximum of 110 btw
 * 1)Basic info (+/-5)
 * 2)Appearance (+/-10)
 * 3)Characteristics (+/-15)
 * 4)Trivia (+/-5)
 * 6)Bonus points (+10)
 * I)Weapons (+/-5)
 * II)Semblance (+/-5)
 * III)Combat info (+/-5)

Ok First up is SpiritedDreaming  with  Chardonnay Geroux .

First impression: dear God I’m going to need google for this outfit...which is a good thing i guess, makes her appearance more distinct...huh...something is missing there…


 * 1)Basic info: Everything checks out. Was going to remove a point if I couldn’t see anything “bond” related in there, but she did pick up her family symbol (+5)
 * 2)Appearance: Hair links to the name, slightly underweight links to physique, appearance is a gender swapped Tayang...so Yang? Pretty distinct look one way or the other, although a better explanation on how the pauldron would fit on her body would have been nice. (+8)
 * 3)Characteristics:
 * Background: So they work through their problems, nobody dies, and they all live happily ever after...not on my watch, no bonus points for you. Aside from that you skeemed over the why her father lashed out...which...sort of interests me more than a lot of stuff in there, i know there are some people that lash out at random, but i get the feeling you made her dad mentally stable given it allegedly only happened once...so I’m just left wanting to know the why as much as the aftermath...no hints in trivia either. (+5)
 * Personality and likes: hmm, would have liked a little extra on the side to go with the main dish that’s her stubbornness, maybe something that tied in to her love for birds, which does not seem to appear in her backstory (+4)
 * 4)Trivia: Nice of you to mention her lost relationships due to stress, and the visual aids help alleviate my confusion about the pauldron at least...maybe we should add that to the template…(+5)
 * 5)Bonus points:
 * I)Weapon: So it’s a nail gun that fires dust and has a knife on it. Could use more details on the actual nails aka the cartridge, how it get’s armed with dust rounds, and maybe why she chose to make it gas powered as opposed to dust powdered….nothing gained, nothing lost i guess (+0)
 * II)Semblance: An immovable object semblance, aka a screw physics semblance, my favorite kind, and also themed it around her backstory which is nice (+5)
 * III) Combat info: Good call on adding the studded gauntlet, as she was really needing the extra something for combat (+5)

So overall that nets SpiritedDreaming  with a total of 87 points

Next up we have Cyrania de Bergerac with Fintan Colm Blerta

First impressions: I know you, i saw your siblings once upon a contest...and an rp...and the oc thread...you Blerta’s really get around don’t you?


 * 1)Basic info: That’s not a misc trait, that’s a personality quirk, still doves are a symbol of love so i won’t be too hard on you for that slipup (+4)
 * 2)Appearance: Yesh, you have a character named white white green, that has brown skin, blue eyes, and black hair...yeah not even close. His outfit gets some points for the quiver adding some asymmetry to it, otherwise it’s pretty plain. (+5)
 * 3)Characteristics:
 * Background: So the father is almost constantly on missions...but the mother is allegedly always pregnant...and she has 3 kids of 3 different kinds of faunus that you have mentioned...you...might want to explain how long he stays away on missions cause the infidelity angle is kind of...well not blatant, but certainly possible. Aside from that, not a big fan of the convenient timing of the men in black with him running away from her for the first time in forever, and telling a kid a guy with a hole in his neck died of fright is...well in the kids place i might actually have chuckled mirthlessly, and probably snarked when my uncle confessed to “protecting” my innocence while telling me a killer wants my family dead...what I’m getting at is “uncle” is doing a bad job. Also the wolf's presence is missing in his academy days, which strikes me as odd given he somehow discovered his semblance at sanctum. Overall...it’s needs a little cleaning up.. (+4)
 * Personality and likes: A main course personality with a side dish and appetizers, good job here...I am so eating after this... (+5)
 * 4)Trivia:...you get full points on trivia just because it’s big enough to cover everyone else (+5)
 * 5)Bonus points: and for the strangers death making him more loopy when surprised, that nets you bonus points, but not full since I would have liked to see if he treated the wolf differently due to seeing it kill, which, considering how important you made the wolf to his backstory, does rub me the wrong way (+5)
 * I)Weapons: would have penalized you if you tried to tie the grapple and the bow together, so congrats on dodging that bullet by making that detachable (+5)
 * II)Semblance: Minus two point for making the animal companion live as long as the user, aside from sounding like an extra ability it kills any dramatic tension that can be had if a user needs to seek out a new partner if the other one was getting too old (+3)
 * III)Combat info: Minus one point for trying to use the recoil from arrows to slow a descent. If you wanted to activate the arrows to make a counterforce, you wouldn’t need a bow for that.(+4)

So overall that nets Cyrania de Bergerac  with 90 points

Next up we have Malcom Neill with Njano Bunduki.

First impressions: Well those fries were a little dry but at least the meat was...ahem...wow he must have been bullied as a kid.

So overall that nets Malcom Neill  with 89 points
 * 1)Basic info: A spot on his left side? What kind of spot? Freckle? Scar? Baldspot? Could have used some explanation there, and a bond theme in there. (+3)
 * 2)Appearance: Name means yellow, but has neither the eyes, the hair, or even the skin color that hints to it. He also is described as chubby despite his height and weight suggesting he is perfectly healthy, so in order for him to be chubby, he’d need to have a balloon belly, stick arms, and taking into consideration the small eyes and big head...wow he must have been bullied as a kid...the part that bugs me is that i don’t think this is what you were going for; I suspect you were aiming for something like Dove Bronzewing, but you screwed up the numbers a tad (+4)
 * 3)Characteristics:
 * Background: His team name uses his family name which is odd...now if he wasn’t the leader this wouldn’t be a problem since we have situations like Ren, but other than that no team in the show has a name that starts with the family name of the leader. Storry is...average, but average done right. He was saved but at a cost that pushed him to be a hunter, he has a good family bond that got tested on the surviving members and emphasized on his sister...hmm...normally a sat would give no points for something average, but i like that you weren’t predictable with them, even if what makes them not predictable was the fact you stuck to my rules (+3)
 * Personality and likes: The lazy side sticks out a bit as nothing in his backstory suggests that, so you could have expanded that part. Everything else looks good (+4)
 * 4)Trivia: Full points for the double love theme (+5)
 * 5)Bonus points: and a couple extra for his reason to become a hunter, even if you took the easiest way you could implement my bonus rule (+6)
 * I)Weapons: Simple design, but highly functional (+5)
 * II) Semblance: Semblances makes his weapon lock on target’s because he can see heat signatures? That sounds kind of convoluted tbh, i get he can aim better with it, but not that the weapon actually reacts to a semblance with personal range..probably a mistype but it will cost you a point (+4)
 * III) Combat info: Checks out (+5)

Next up we have with Phantomlink959 with Rost Smith

First impressions: Gee, I wonder where i heard that name before...let’s see if you altered anything in the story to add the stranger death rule...hmm, this is an older version of his as well, that might cause you some trouble


 * 1)Basic info: Everything checks out and although it’s an accident, red is the color of love (+5)
 * 2)Appearance: Rust is distinctly on the red side, but his eyes are blue, he’s fair skinned, and blond hair. Everything else looks good, and the necktie is something i don’t see nearly enough of (+7)
 * 3)Characteristics:
 * Background: ...i just realized you’re using Rost instead of Gr(ima stay with my love and not tell my clingy twin)ay...guess this one has a more integrated death theme overall but still, food for thought. Overall backstory checks out, has elements of parental love in it spurred by guilt, although i do notice you didn’t addressed why no one else came to raise the boy, like an uncle or family friend, people that would have tried to prevent him for going with the boy. (+8)
 * Personality and likes: being forcibly isolated seems like an odd dislike, since you mention he spends his downtime researching (presumably on his own) or visiting ruins (presumably on his own) (+4)
 * 4)Trivia: Missing a little note about his relationship with his parents, as well as his teammates, so minus points for that (+3)
 * 5)Bonus points: I like the angle of stranger death you choose, and i like it more than he didn’t see Kalte until after he decided he needed to makes amends, even if this is the second easiest way you could implement my bonus rule (+7)
 * I)Weapons: dust canisters on the forearm does give the gauntlet a high risk of blowing up in his face; personally i’d recommend you plate the posterior forearm and put the canisters on the interior forearm...which given the needle placement is probably what you did, but you should have specified it nonetheless. (+4)
 * II) Semblance: Lovely abstract semblance, I approve (+5)
 * III) Combat info: checks out (+5)

So overall that nets Phantomlink959  with 98 points

Finally we have Gideon Aurum with Sangria Swan

First impressions: Well damn, you sure went harder on the love theme than anyone else...let’s see if you managed to keep it together till the end.

So overall that nets Gideon Aurum with... 97 points ...well fuck me that was closer than I expected
 * 1)Basic info: Love is in the name, the symbol and in my heart for that tattoo (+5)
 * 2)Appearance: Creepy cool eyes are linked to her name, physique matches her height and weight, but her combat outfit could use a little more details… or maybe a racerback to show off those lovely...ahem., (+9)
 * 3)Characteristics:
 * Background: Having a strained relationship with her parents right off the bat was an interesting choice that paid off in my book, as it it paved the way to showing her bond with someone that wasn’t even a member of her family. What didn’t pay off was having Samgria’s brother die in a car accident...only for her to almost die in a car accident...that got her to bond with a dude over his brother dying in a car accident...yeh you’re overusing that a bit to the point of parody. Another whoopsie daisy was having her uncle only find out Sangria was on parole YEARS after it starts...i know it’s another planet but when a minor is put on parole, the guardian/parent tends to be the first person notified...you can fix that by having him find out her adventures and just repeating the talk with the friend. (+5)
 * Personality and likes: Dislikes could use some less obvious stuff, as most sane people don’t enjoy seeing others ruining their lives barring certain circumstances (+4)
 * 4)Trivia:could be spaced and detailed better like the others have (+4)
 * 5)Bonus points: Congrats on impressing me the most with my death clause, you didn’t take the easy choice nor the second easiest, you took the third choice...anywho it was delightfully graphic and despite the backstory hiccups, was used to develop the titular character while not forgetting that person could have other people that cared for him (+8)
 * I)Weapons: you mentioned the spikes can be shot once, but they are attached to the whip, probably to use it as a counterweight of sorts, which could mess up the balance of the weapon and make it a tad cumbersome to wield without. I‘d recommend you mix it wit a handgun that you grab by the barrel and leave the spike in place. (+3)
 * II) Semblance: I’d give bonus points for irony, but it’s soo...restrictive. Overall I like it though. (+4)
 * III) Combat info: Checks out (+5)