User blog comment:Forrestib/"Breach" was Brilliant, and Here's Why/@comment-4820209-20141031224430/@comment-9090085-20141102011558

Hmm, so it seems.

I'm going to take offense to you saying it's "bad writing", though. Not because you're wrong, mind, but because that doesn't tell anyone anything.

Look, I'm an amateur writer with no formal education; to avoid a lot of the pitfalls of bad writing, I look up reviews online. Do you what the worst thing a reviewer can say is? "It's bad" or "It's good". That doesn't tell me how to improve - "Write better stories!" they say, "How?" I ask. And no-one tells me, not even my friends and family I show my stories to.

That's why, as a thought experiment, I like to find something "bad" and find some way to improve it. That is actually part of what I wrote in my response to Zolnir; some changes I would make to Breach so the Grimm would be more threatening without changing the outcome of the battle(one I didn't mention is I would have removed the Nevermores being killed by Coco, or else made them the same size as the ones that attack Yang).

I generally make small changes for two reasons:

1. I'm limiting myself to the medium at hand; So if I'm editing an episode that's half fight and half story, and only changing the fight, then the fight has to be about the same length as before.

2. I don't know RWBY's endgame. If I don't know where the story is going, then my "improvements" will likely turn it into a completely different story(that's why I don't have any changes I would make to the "story half" of Breach right now)

So, seeing as I have your attention, what do you think of my changes? and what changes would you make to it(or any episode for that mater)?