Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-27447621-20160508230102/@comment-28420364-20160511190518

VedranTheII wrote: Point2600 wrote:

Cool so her semblance is forbidden any tips on how to make her less Mary Sue not my intention I just wanted to maker half monster and not Jaun arc lol …you know, as of the end of volume 3 I might have given you that line. Like there was this chance that something from his past that was kept secret could have been revealed and he managed to save or at least stabilize the end battle, but he didn’t…obviously that honor went to Ruby. So with that avenue out of the way I can say this with a hand on my heart.

Jaune arc is not a mary sue. In fact, if you want tips I say take a closer look at him actually. He’s a character that has had on several occasions done antagonistic actions that were in character, and made amends for them later, also in character. By contrast your little stub of a story features what I can only describe as an angel; her personality makes no mention of any mood swings and her back-story makes no mention of any out of character actions atributed to this kind of split personality. Literally all we have is a father that tells me there is something not quite right about her…which gets undermined in the trivia where you mention he adores her.

TLDR Expand and explain her psychosis if you don’t want it to be dismissed as coming out of nowhere.

First thank you for the advise (I realy struggle with backgrounds I am 2/2 in fails)

will edit the bit in triva with her father and try and make it darker

sorry about insulting Jaune Arc i never intended to call him a Mary Sue just he has classically been "weak" and I wanted my OC to be "Strong"