Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-24534644-20170630004409/@comment-24534644-20170717213726

All right. Let's get this show on the road. The reviews might be a touch sporadic, but there aren't that many to get through, so at ;east there's that. (Guess not many people are into nursery rhymes).

Anywho, first up is GreyStark and Jacqueline Vela.

1) Basic Info: Name works out fine. The fact that only the last name has a color connotation, and a second-hand one at that, normally would strike me as odd, but it's understandable seeing as "Jack" and its numerous variants aren't exactly color names. I feel like I should point out that this is the female version of Jacques, the name of Weiss' dad... it is a pretty common name though. Gets a pass. Rest of the info is good. 10/10

2) Appearance: Even by RWBY's standards, 5'6 seems a bit short for a 36-year-old woman. Also, an athletic physique also doesn't make sense for someone that short who weighs 170 pounds, as that's dwelling in overweight territory. The outfits are all pretty simple and basic, along with their descriptions, but there are multiple of them listed, so bonus points are earned back. 17/20

3) Characteristics: So... the girl who enjoyed business practices had a desire for adventure, and the boy who enjoyed designing weapons wanted to build up reputation and contacts? I can't help feeling like those two things should have been switched around. Plus, it seems a tad odd for them both to agree to start a weapons company, then both go to a Hunstsman Academy instead with Jacky heading off to the road for a few years and leaving her brother behind. I get it, desire for adventure, but considering the prior agreement between siblings, it's just odd. Personally I think a better arrangement would be for the weapons business idea to have come after Paul died, due to being affected by her friend's death and wanting to do something more stable and less risky than adventuring.

Personality-wise, I can see her behaving this way, although 'calm' and 'competitive' are two aspects that would be at odds with each other. But If we're going for the calm and astute businesswoman who REALLY hates losing to rival contractors, then I can dig it. Misc. trait is a bit confusing (she speaks more the more she speaks? What? Could have worded that better), and the likes and dislikes are too barren for actual charater building. 22/30

4) Trivia: Extremely basic information, but it works I suppose. The poker thing is amusing. 5/5

I) Weapon: Okay, so they're basically really long and thin daggers. Simple enough. What confuses me is where you have the dust capacity, and you also have Ammunition listed in the same area. Are they guns? Or do they just channel the Dust? I assume that you just made a formatting mistake, but it's still confusing, so I have to dock a couple points. 13/15

II) Semblance: I get the Aural part, but how is this a Conjuration Semblance? Is it because of the bubble? I'm not sure a visible area-of-effect counts as a conjuration, unless it's a physical bubble that can be broken. Also, you left the Dust portion completely as it was in the template, which just looks clumsy in the middle of everything else. Furthermore, you left how the Reflection of Personality piece. That part's not optional, friend. As a whole, the Semblance works, even if it's essentially a time-distortion Semblance (which are inherently overpowered). I'd look into ways to further limit that. 9/15

III) Combat Info: Short, simple, and to-the-point on all three counts. Considering her weapon and Semblance are also both pretty basic, it makes sense. 5/5

I) Day to Day Life: Some bonus information to be found here, so you earn some point recovery. 3 points.

Point Total: 84.

There is some conflicting stuff here and there, but overall the character just suffers from lack of information in key places. There are places where you didn't properly fill out each piece of the bio, and even where things are completed there are times when it looks like you rushed through and put the bare minimum info. Overall, she could do with being fleshed out some more.