Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-25396609-20161001000406/@comment-25396609-20161016015536

Sixth entry: Alice Albastru by SpiritedDreaming

1) Basic info

Not sure how I feel about an active academy student being in the White Fang (will explain more further  down): -1 point

Everything else looks fine: no change

Subtotal: 9/10

2) Appearance:

Plenty of detail and references on the personal outfits, much appreciated: +1 point

No mention of the White Fang mask, and i believe keeping her hood down and hair back (plus the rather distinctive headband) would make the anonymity provided by the identical uniforms and masks kind of pointless, and increase likelihood of her being identified/removed from combat school (for being involved with an active terrorist organization) substantially: -2 points

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Subtotal: 19/20

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">3) Characteristics:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Background:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">This is probably an obvious answer, but why didn’t her dad help her make a weapon? He’s an ex-huntsman he seems to still be alive. I see no reason for him to not do so, especially considering he enrolled her to begin with: -1 point for plot hole

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">She has zero faith that her parents would stand up for her, apparently? This seems highly improbable given they seem to do what they can to protect her, and she clearly knows it: -1 point

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">If she had been shielded from discrimination, would she really believe someone she has never met before when they told her how royally screwed she is?: -1 point because it doesn’t make much sense.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">I’m having a hard time believing she would fall for all of this, given she has never been directly discriminated against (based on the mention of her parents sheltering her from it, and wouldn’t she know the white fang are bad news just based on news stories?: -1 points

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Okay, her parents would DEFINITELY be looking for her if she couldn’t even go home, and she continues to believe someone she has never met, including helping in committing EVEN MORE CRIMES: -2 points

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Personality:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Stub personality: -1 point

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">No change due to likes/dislikes

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Subtotal: 13/20

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">4) Trivia:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Notable Relationships:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Once again, WHY ARE HER PARENTS NOT TRYING TO FIND HER?! Her dad is a trained huntsman, and they are definitely going to be worried she suddenly went missing: -2 points, one for each useless parent who seems to be out of character in not looking for her.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Notes:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">That didn’t feel like a reference, it felt more like an incredibly contrived story element to get her into the White Fang: -1 point

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Vorpal blade is good: +1 point

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Honestly the semblance being a reference to realistic dreams feels pretty shoe-horned in: -1 point

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Subtotal:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">7/10

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">5) Hunter Extension:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">I) Weapon:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Simple and effective, distinct enough; but not a fan of it being a hand me down as noted in the backstory: -1 point

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Personally feel like the dust dispenser should have been built into the meace head inside the flanges, where it could be better protected (similar to the large points on Myrtenaster’s cylinder): -1 point for design flaw

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Subtotal: 13/15

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">II) Semblance:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">She can effectively both build hard-light constructs and summon animals, feels almost like a 2-for-1 semblance to me: -1 point

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Why are the summoned tools fundamentally different from the summoned creatures (which are identical in composition) in such a way that they would interact with dust differently?: -1 point

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Subtotal: 13/15

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">III) Combat Info:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Class/Position:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Yeah, more or less.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Landing Strategy:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Well, she’s doomed: no change

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Fighting Style:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">That mace doesn’t really seem large enough that she would have so much trouble, especially if she trains regularly; since she would be stronger than a normal human between aura and any physical training she has undergone: -1 point

<span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Subtotal: 9/10