Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-25936766-20170930010515/@comment-14138255-20171026162620

SomeoneYouUsedToKnow wrote:  Grading System:  1) Basic Info: (20 / 2)pts = 10pts (10pts max per character, added up, cut in half).

2) Appearance: (10 / 2)pts = 5pts (5pts max per character, added up, cut in half)

3.1) Backstory: 20pts

3.2) Personality: (20 / 2)pts = 10pts

3.3) Misc.traits+Dis/Likes: (10 / 2)pts = 5pts

4.1) Relationships: (10 / 2)pts = 5pts

4.2) (Rest of the) Trivia: 5pts.

5) Weapon: (30 / 2)pts = 15pts (15pts max per character, added up, cut in half)

6) Semblance (30 / 2)pts = 15pts

7) Combat Info: (20 / 2)pts = 10pts.

8 Day to Day Life: 0, just bonus points.   -

 First, WC-83 and Belyy Aigles + Krasnaya Orlov

 Part 1: Basic Info: 

 Both are fine….though it annoys me when people go full Russian/dutch/some other weird language with the names. It’s a nitpick, it’s not worth lowering points, but I’d prefer if people considered whether the name even sounds good. For me, they don’t.

 I do have a bit of a hard time picturing what you mean about the symbols. “An eagle with flowery features taking up the left side of the emblem, the right side having a crown”.

 What exactly do you mean by “taking up the left side”? Like, does the left wing have flower-like figures on it? Or are they at the left, beside, the eagle figure? Same with the other symbol.

 Points: 9+9 = 18 / 2 = 9 out of 10 

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 Part 2: Appearance: 

 1-Belly: Weight: Let’s see…he’s overweight. Almost exactly 5 points over the upper limit for what would be considered “normal weight” in the BMI calculator (24.9. Belly is 29.4). At least you’re aware of it….aside from the fact that it’s not “technically”, it’s literally.

 Skin Color: “Caucasian”…IOW “Indo-European, Semitic and Hamitic”…Ok, look: Remnant is not Earth. Asia does not exist there, Europe does not exist there, and so on.

 And due to the art style almost everyone looks the same regardless of where they come from. There’s no real difference between “races” in Remnant since everyone looks the same and the Kingdom has no bearing on their name, appearance, clothes or even skin color.

 Case in point, Flynt from Atlas (dark skinned despite living in the coldest place on the planet), Taiyang from Vale (Blonde and blue-eyed despite the name), Qrow from (probably) Anima (Does he look asian to you?), Pyrrha from Mistral (Greek and red-haired despite coming from Remnant’s Asia), Neptune from Mistral (Doesn’t look asian at all), just to mention a few.

 Just say they’re white next time. Much simpler.

 Outfit: “White and Green coat and pants, both faded. White peaked officer cap, also faded. Brownish overcoat.” So, he’s wearing a coat, over a coat? That sounds just dumb. Also, I assume he wears no shirts? No shoes? Not even some socks? Also, what kind of coat is he wearing? There are many kinds of coats.

 2-Kras: Eyes: …Tsurime eyes. Not that it really hurts her score or anything, but it feels…needless. With just “blue eyes” I had all I wanted.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> Physique: “Almost waifish”…what exactly do you mean by this? Urban Dictionary gives me 2 definitions of Waifish: “Extremely thin” and “Model-like figure”. I can’t tell if you mean she’s a skeleton or if she’s got a thin hourglass figure.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> Outfit: Her outfit looks painfully “evil”. The image I get is of some evil nazi officer more than anything due to the colors. That is fine-enough though. That hat though…that hat is ugly.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> Points: 4 + 4 = 8 / 2 = 4 out of 5 

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<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> Part 3.1: Backstory: 

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> -…I’m reading up the 2nd paragraph and it already feels like a near-exact replication of Weiss and Winter, with less family drama. And with the 3rd paragraph, those feelings only grow bigger. The fact that both families are from Solitas does not help.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> -The story feels a bit rushed at this point; how it goes so abruptly from “Belly is no longer cool and admirable” to “PENNY DIED! GRIMM ARE KILLING EVERYBODY!”. I feel a transitory sentence should be there.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> -I’m perfectly sure that multiple airships came after the FoB. I seriously doubt they just evacuated 1 row of people and then left the remaining ones there, in the Grimm-infested Vale, including people from other kingdoms.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> If they missed the initial evac, then why become mercs to get enough money to fly to Atlas? Just wait for the next set of ships to arrive. Air traffic was banned, but not air traffic related to the evacuation. This little fact makes the whole plot….dumb.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> Also, what about their teams? Huntsmen are trained in teams of 4. Yet we never even hear a single name about their teammates, let alone what happened to them.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> -The way the end is written is kind of….anti-climatic. “They found the target, but Kras decided not to kill it. She and Belly argued, they fought because the plot demands it, and then Kras leaves her brother to die in the woods because she’s an asshole”. It’s too rushed for me.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> Points: 08 out of 20 

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<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> Part 3.2: Personality: 

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> -Belly: I don’t like how it literally begins by jumping from the beginning of his character to the end result. How it jumps from him being Winter Schnee to him being a lazy loser. There needs to be a middle ground in terms of development. Even if the end result would be expected, one should never skip the progression and go to the end from the get go.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> -Kras: Her development is better-described, which is good, though she feels like an asshole. “She was apalled at her brother’s apparent willingness to kill”, yet only really objected at the very last minute, before just being “quietly reluctant”. If she was the kind of person to just stay quiet and go with the flow, you should’ve just said so.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> And then she just dumps him in the woods to die. Her aforementioned “honor and justice” nowhere to be seen.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> Points: 6 + 8 = 14 / 2 = 7 out of 10 

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<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> Part 3.3: Misc. traits, likes, dislikes: 

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> Likes: 

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> -Belly: Okay, the whole “enjoyed being free and blah blah” could already be inferred from his personality and backstory, it’s the kind of thing that had no need to be said. What followed it, “likes cooking”, is more appropiate for this section.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> -Kras: Wait, she was a Team leader? Belly wasn’t a Team leader? Why are you saying that HERE? That kind of stuff should’ve been mentioned in the backstory. Or not mentioned at all, since their teams seem so irrelevant to their lives.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm">“She enjoyed Belyy's cooking, but their situation ended up making it cause more harm than good.”…why? She liked his cooking. That’s all that matters here.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> Dislikes: 

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> -Belly: Literally everything here could already be inferred (or was outright stated) from previous sections. There’s nothing that properly goes into this section: Stuff that he dislikes, but of course, isn’t something we already figured from previous info. Stuff like, “he hates bees” or “he hates the summer heat”, stuff like that.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> -Kras: Everything up to the last sentence, same as with Belly, would be inferred already. Aside from that, while it’s good to get an explanation for what you meant before regarding “she liked his cooking”, the explanation itself is dumb. “… Since all it would do is waste what little food they'd have left”.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm">….Look, I’m no culinary expert, but I’m 100% sure that cooking food is NOT WASTING IT. It would taste better and fill just the same due to this thing called Conservation of Mass. Making terrible food would be wasting it, but if the food was terrible she would’ve not liked it in the first place.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm">Points: 1 + 1 = 2 / 2 = 1 out of 5

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<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm">Part 4.1: Relationships:

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm">I have….many issues with what you did here. More could’ve been said about the father himself, but more egregiously, there’s nothing here about their mother, or their teammates. Considering Belly spent 3+ years training in Haven, I’m sure he would’ve made some friends at some point. Acquaintances at least.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm">Points: 1 out of 5

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<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm">Part 4.2: Trivia

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> -2 things: 1) Define “wasteful preparation”. 2) Tell me how Belly could be a “budding gourmet chef” if his preparation was wasteful enough to be noted.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> -Wait, this entire thing alluded to the Russian Civil War? Really? Seriously? I never noticed at all. I didn’t even know they represented either of those parties.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> -Wait, Belly’s last name is french?

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> Points: 3 out of 5 

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<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> Part 5: Weapon: 

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> -Belly: 1) I thought Sniper Rifles were long-range by design?

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> 2) While it’s cool that you said it’s a lever-action rifle, I don’t like how you literally didn’t say anything beyond that. I have no idea of how it actually looks like or how it’s actually designed.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> 3) I have a really hard time picturing the “poleaxe mode”. You say the bayonet “leaf out”, which I assume it’s kinda like spreading out like some leaves, put considering the kind of bayonets I’ve seen in my entire life, I have a really hard time picturing how it would do that, how a pointy stick/spear head could leaf out enough to turn into a poleaxe.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> There’s also the question of weight. The picture I get of a bayonet that could turn into a poleaxe includes said bayonet being much heavier as a result. Which would mess up with aim. Also, “The rest of the gun extends”…and “The stock thins up”…I have a really hard time picturing how this happens, especially when looking up images of lever-action rifles on the internet.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> Let’s see if I understood…the barrel closes, the bayonet turns a few degrees and unfolds it’s blades, the barrel and stock get longer, and the stock gets thinner, somehow, while the user grabs said stock like a pole? That….does not sound good.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> Points: 9 

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<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> -Kras:   1) Rapid-Fire Rifle and Hammer (first of all, remove the “and” there)…whose first form, is called a Sickle….yet it is literally not a sickle in the slightest. It doesn’t even have a blade, it’s just the Fedorov Avtomat with a different magazine. Speaking of which, what kind of box magazine, exactly? And would such a magazine even be practical with a weapon like that?

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm">   2) ….Yeah, I’m perfectly sure that if you twist the barrel, it won’t become even a half-decent shaft at all.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> 3) ….So the hammerhead is literally the box magazine….and now the problem arises: See, hammers need to have heavy-enough heads to do their job. With a normal hammer is fine, but in this case said hammerhead would also be the magazine in the gun form. So if it’s heavy as a hammerhead, it’s gonna be heavy as a magazine. Which will make it difficult for Kras to aim with the weapon or even hold it.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> Points: 7 – Total points: 9 + 7 = 16 /2 = 8 out of 15. Honestly, the weapons felt dull in the design, uncreative, like something the tertiary one-shots in V3 had.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> Part 6: Semblance: 

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> -Belly: 1) Teleportation…and now comes the big questions of whether it deals with the Telefrag problem or not.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> 2) “ The aura extends to an area surrounding Belyy and once a place has been found-”…okay. I’m perfectly sure that it would find a place in less than 1 second. Because there are infinite points in space. I don’t even see why it should “extend to an area surrounding Belly”.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> 3) “ Teleporting to an area someone is occupying will result in him colliding with whatever is there”. Define what you mean by colliding? He’s literally materializing in an occupied area. He’s not dashing super-quickly, that’s not teleportation. He would be stuck inside them like some javelin. And then they would likely die.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> 4) So tier 1 is teleportation. And tier 2…is doing that consecutively? But he could’ve achieved that with the tier 1, just by using it multiple times.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> 5) You literally stated this limitation in the description. The bit about Belly needing to see the location he’s gonna teleport to, would be more appropiate for the General Limitations.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm">   6) Why would it cause a STREAK of Fire/Wind/Whatever? He’s teleporting, not dashing.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> 7) Reflection of personality is good.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> Points: 4 out of 15. Sounds like you couldn’t decide between Flash-stepping and Teleporting.

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<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> -Kras: 1) Strongest: Increases strength…..you gave up and ran out of ideas, didn’t you.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> 2) So the visual cue is that her Aura glows bright gold….isn’t that it’s basic color already? 3) So Tier 1 is “moderate power up” and tier 2 is “Inmense power up when focused”? Feels skippy.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> 4) Define what you mean by “affect her weapon”. Also, if it’s so inmensely taxing stamina-wise, it’s literally useless; even the mightiest man won’t be able to do shit if they are exhausted.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> 5) With the applications, you were better off saying nothing. Even an iliterate child in Antartica would know the advantages and uses of a bigger strength.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> 6) ….How the hell would it cause explosions with Dust? It’s just a power boost, nothing more.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> 7) I find the personality-reflection…meh. Too much mixing of “Strength” and “Willpower” AKA “Determination” for my taste. But that’s a minor thing.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> Points: 12 out of 15 (since…well, it’s so horrendously simple it couldn’t do much wrong).

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm">   ''' Total: 4 + 12 = 16 / 2 = 8. '''

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<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> Part 7: Combat Info: 

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> -Range: I’m pretty sure warhammers are still not “great” in CQC. The only polearm that really does well in CQC (comparatively) is the staff, the rest are too heavy and unbalanced to be wielded effectively at that range. That’s my only issue here though.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> -Landing Strategy: 

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> 1-Belly: I’m pretty sure that bayonets aren’t exactly good for spearing into trees enough to slow you down before they break. Which is what seems to happen since you say “once it broke off”.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> Also, if he tried to use the Poleaxe-mode for the landing strategy, it would fail HARD if he tried to do what Ren did. In his case it worked because his weapons are basically daggers. Much lighter and balanced and so on. Belly would be better off doing what Ruby did, use the blade to spin around a branch, then land.

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<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> 2-Kras:That sounds awfully and needlessly difficult. Swinging a warhammer while falling at X speed towards the ground, to hit the incoming tree with enough force to break it apart and dive through like Pyrrha did.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> The weight makes such thing hard, and even if she landed a hit I doubt it would really slow her down enough to save her life.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> -Fighting Style:

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> 1-Belly: I see much wasted potential. He can teleport, and he only uses it to get away. Instead of, say, teleporting above enemies and crashing the axe on them. Or swinging > teleporting > swinging > teleporting. Or teleporting to make sure his attacks are always at the appropiate range.

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<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> 2-Kras: So she’s Leeroy Jenkins. “ For especially strong opponents she used her semblance to land a softening blow followed by a regular attack.”? Why not use her Semblance to 1-shot-kill them? It’s literally a strength boost with no drawbacks or requirements.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm">

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> 3-Together: First sentence is basically a repetition of what you said before. And the rest is just….super “OK”.

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> Points: 3 + 7 = 10 / 2 = 5 

<p style="border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:solid windowtext .75pt;padding: 0cm;mso-padding-alt:0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm"> Total Points: 54pts. Reading up on what you told Piscean about whether you’ve participated before or not, you’re not a newcomer to this, so no extra points.

Emblem: It's split clean in half between their eagle and the symbol that goes with it (Ex: a circle, and within the circle, half is an eagle and half is another symbol, the side each go on flipped between them). Sorry, I meant to give a visual aid, but I didn't have time.

Race: I added that purely for IRL visual reference (pure African/European tends to look different from American variants more often than not), though I acknowledge it's not really nessecary.

Krasnaya's body: Thin hourglass. She's not a skeleton, but she is thin and lithe.

Other characters: I didn't include their huntsmen teams because I honestly don't consider them important to their dual story aside from the fact that Krasnaya became leader of her team while Belyy didn't (and on that subject, I meant to put that in the backstory, but I didn't, woops). Their mother though I could have elaborated on.

Backstory and plot: Nothing much to say, I admit it's badly thought out in places. Krasnaya's hesitation was more from doubt in her brother I'd say and hope he'd not go through with it, but couldn't abide it further once they got there. Though since I didn't put this in, I don't get credit for that. I wouldn't say it's a Weiss and Winter story since there are several differences (it's more of pushy stage/sports dad living through his kids rather than CEO dad making his kids live through him).

Belyy's cooking: "budding gourmet chef"=/= good chef, it's just a rookie chef going into a form of cooking that values more sophistication and presentation. One of the many problems budding gourmet chefs have (as Hell's Kitchen shows) is poor optimization of ingredients, often burning or otherwise ruining them, and that's with proper equipment. Belyy had talent, but couldn't really pursue it.

Krasnaya's weapon: The gun being the "sickle" is a pun, since it "cuts down" what you use it on (and it's not my pun, it's more Red Alert 3's pun).

Trivia: Was that sarcastic? Also, Belyy's last name being French (which I am certain I mentioned in the sheet itself) is a reference to Russian nobles, for the longest time, speaking mostly French rather than Russian.

I won't argue with the rest, since I doubt I can change your mind on much of it, but I wanted to just point things out that I feel would clear some things up.

Drat, undone by the backstory yet again. At least it didn't take the personality down with it this time.