Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-25396609-20161001000406/@comment-25396609-20161011205823

I'm not making any more adjustments to your score; i will however point out that not wearing an item of clothing almost everyone wears is worth noting.

Third entry: Morgan Hartford by WC-83

1) Basic info

All looks good, but nothing extraordinary: no change

Subtotal: 10/10

2) Appearance:

Pretty basic armor, doesn’t really have a Huntsman’s flair and is more or less the historical version, not modernized at all: -1 point for being boring

He seems to wear the bowler hat at all times, I would have put it under the Misc traits: no change, just an observation.

No haircut or length given: -1 point for lack of detail

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Subtotal: 18/20

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">3) Characteristics:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Background:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Uh…. you say he moved to Mistral, and then that he lives in Vacuo and attends Shade? Sloppy editing: -1 point

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Grammar errors and run-on sentences out the wazoo: -1 point

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">General lack of details for backstory, nothing about early life or motivations; zero details about initiation or team dynamic after initiation: -5 points

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Personality:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">I’m not sure if cockiness and humility really work together? Cocky implies arrogance and conceit, the polar opposites of humility: -1 point for contradictory traits

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Shifting between past and present tense (had and has used interchangably): -1 point

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">I don’t think he needs to rationalize fighting dirty against mindless demonic creatures to begin with: no change

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Nothing harmful or redeeming in the likes/dislikes: no change

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Subtotal: 12/20

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">4) Trivia:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Notable Relationships:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Only mentions one teammate in relationships, and most of the information provided should have been used to beef up his backstory: -3 points for poor placement of important information and no data on his other teammates.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">You really missed an opportunity to base his other teammates on Clarence and Sandy; Hank’s assistant and wife.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Notes are cluttered and disorganized; the information about his weapon is on the weapon itself, same with the semblance: -1 points for poorly distributed information

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Subtotal: 6/10

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">5) Hunter Extension:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">I) Weapon:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">I have no idea, whatsoever, how this thing works. You describe it as a revolver, but it uses two different sizes of ammunition, you say the barrel adjusts in size but don’t explain how; it uses a clip despite being a revolver, which would cause it to jam while rotating between the normal bullets and grenades: -5 points for the mechanics making no logical sense

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">I cannot fathom how a supposed mechanical genius would come up with something this backwards and nonsensical. How large, exactly, is this gun anyways?

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Let me see… the cylinder on my .38 revolver has a 5 round cylinder, about an inch and a half across... Poorly optimized spacing of bullets, hair over double the ammo count, so call it at least 3 inches across to fit the standard bullets alone; the grenades look to be something like 3-4X the size of the individual .38 rounds…

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">My head hurts just trying to comprehend this thing: -2 points

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">I can kind of see what you were trying to do, but you either put too much thought into it, or not enough.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Subtotal: 8/15

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">II) Semblance:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Boring but effective: -1 point for lack of originality

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Included the sound effect: +1 point

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Subtotal: 15/15

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">III) Combat Info:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Nothing damning or redeeming about this stuff: no change

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Subtotal: 10/10

<span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Total: 79 points