Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-24993958-20151101000002/@comment-24993958-20151108184343

Next up is a newcomer unless I’m mistaken. Good luck to you KuraiJack with Merla Riva.

1)Basic info: Everything is up to snuff, her symbol actually being a mask is a nice touch, and I’m a sucker for a 52 deck of cards and it’s application. +5

2)Appearance: Missing out on the actual color of the aura, as the glow represents the visual effect of the user. Lovely design though. +9

3)Characteristics: You’re making a...well a few mistakes, but one in particular I wish to highlight. You did 3 stuff on the same character. 

For one, you didn’t go the extra mile to make me believe that 2 parents can commit those kinds of atrocities. No motiv, not face, no name, just 2 random people I’m suppose to buy can willingly vent on a kid. As a result, it feels less like the kid get’s abused, and more like you, the author, are abusing her in order to get the desired personality you want, as opposed to making the situation that would result in her turning out like this.

The second move was making her crazy, or  rather the fact you told me. Insanity is not a tag you should just throw at people, it’s one you have to detail and explain; what you gave me is not enough for me to call her insane. Bad stuff happened to her and she’s venting on creatures that are unambiguously bad...that’s a pretty sane reaction to have.

The third move is making her story needlessly dark. When you make a character you need to make the characters fit in with the setting, and although not the lightest of shows, RWBY is nowhere near that dark…yet...enough to portray parents so abusive they scar their kids for life, which brings me full circle to point one and the problem, that you did all 3 things at once. Honestly speaking if you fix at least one of the 3 things i mentioned, the character would be good (take a look at Joey/Jonouchi from Yu-Gi-Oh season 0 who does 1 and 3 but doesn’t do 2), but all 3 combined just rubs me the wrong way. I like her character a lot thugh, so much so that I will not score you minus on this section. +3



4)Trivia: No complaints here, any character that appears in the backstory was mentioned. +5

I)Weapon: Short, simple, and effective, and ties into her past a lot. +5

II)Semblance: Love seeing semblances that are used for mundane tasks. +5

III)Combat: Could be a little more detailed. +4

Overall that amounts to 85. You did great on everything short of the backstory and even then i wouldn’t call that unsalvageable. Hope to see more of you.