User blog:ChishioKunrin/What Chapter 12: Breach Needed

We all know that, as good as chapter 12 was, it was lacking, especially in comparison to chapter 11.

Chapter 11 was exciting, tension-building, and ended with a feeling of dread.

Chapter 12 started off good at the very beginning and... became rather underwhelming. It's like we hit the climax, and then it just... dropped.

Anyway, at the end of this chapter 12 rewrite on Tumblr, there's a list of some of the things that would've made chapter 12 better:
 * "More tension, damn it. You can’t build a ton of tension in chapter 11, end chapter 11 with a feeling of dread, and then make everything turn out to be a piece of cake in chapter 12! In this rewrite, I created a little more tension by having the grimm actually cause some trouble, giving characters dialogue that points out the gravity of the situation, and having it take longer for help to arrive. I also made note of civilians trying to hide from grimm so we wouldn’t forget about them, and had the situation start getting to Ruby just before the airships arrived.
 * Sage and Scarlet. At least an appearance.
 * Sun and Neptune should’ve been shown at least contributing in the background or something, so we wouldn’t have felt like they didn’t do anything.
 * Some damn consequences for the fact that Ruby fell several stories into a cave, got punched to the floor, kicked in the head, and smacked around by Torchwick, and consequences for the fact that Yang got smacked around a bit and knocked the hell out. Plus the fact that they spent part of the night all the way up to sunrise fighting on that train, which then burst through the ground! You talk about how aura is the thing that protects them, and as they lose aura, it puts them in danger, and then you have them lose aura and still be perfectly fine? No. Ruby is having trouble, Yang is alright but a little thrown off, and Weiss isn’t 100%.
 * A different after-credits scene, for the love of God, unless that dream was just a representation of Yang’s hopes and desires and not actually what Raven really looks like. Seriously. You can’t just introduce a mysterious new character that has the whole fandom buzzing with curiosity and excitement and then unmask her in the very next episode. Hell, you could’ve used the scene where Adam shows up as the after credits scene instead, like how you revealed Cinder’s face and showed us Mercury and Emerald in the volume 1 after credits scene."