Thread:Akin.toussaint/@comment-25857155-20150222050013/@comment-25857155-20150222052745

You need to work a bit on formatting and grammar, but that will be terribly limited on a tablet - I would strongly advise finding a computer with a proper keyboard at some point to type with. ^.^; I'd also suggest checking out the char sheet template I have - er, character sheet, sorry - posted at the top of the [Everyone's OC #2] thread; I find having a standard format helps a lot with these things. Bullets are also great for dividing each character into subsections without having to space the sections apart so far.

Please elaborate a bit more on the semblances. Metal Shield - is it just a small wall, or does it make a bubble? If the latter, it needs to be a permeable bubble - that is, can be used to block attacks, but not people, or it becomes OP. For Invincible Mode... well, it has been a long time since I've bothered watching or reading Naruto, so you'll have to explain that one to me in Remnant terms, please.

How old was Sue at the time of the Grimm attack? She can't have been very young, or they wouldn't have hesitated to take her in, yeah? So... 13, at the youngest? Same thing with Inferna - an age reference would be good. You did a good job with the characteristics of the two, especially noting their character strengths and flaws.

Overall not bad, though I'd like to see some more detail if you get the chance to flesh them out a bit. Again, try referencing the [Everyone's OC #2] thread for the suggested char sheet format.

Oh, and does Sue follow the Color Naming Rule? It is something you should try to stick with, given that Monty himself passed that one on to the fans. If it does, please explain. I normally did that in the Notes section of the char sheet. You can find my own OCs posted on my profile page now, too - I'd love to hear any opinions on them. (shamelessly advertising) =P