Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-25396609-20150517010523/@comment-10380701-20150525012312

And we're back!

Apologies for the delay, shit happened. It included a bed and a bedsheet.

4. Mason Zobel (SpiritedDreaming)

Name: 5%


 * Mason = Stoneworker = Gray. Zobel = Sable = Black Sure, reasonable enough. +2%


 * Name fits the CNR, as per standards. +3%

Weapons/Abilities: 15%


 * Blade is just a gunblade. It gets bonus points for having double blades though. A little more detail on it would be interesting. +5%


 * His fighting style, once again, reliant on teammates. This time, he's the backup. Not half bad. Fits with the wolf motif as well.+7%


 * Semblance... sounds strange. I get that it's a team buff. But how does it work? I get that it's a mindset-based semblance. But what if he accidentally considers his enemies a packmate? Would that suddenly boost their stats? Some explanation on how it works could help. 3%

Backstory/Personality: 24%


 * So he's the type of guy who'll throw you off a cliff full of spikes if it'll make you stronger. Or he'll throw himself off said cliff if it'll make him stronger. He's also looking for his mate. To sum him up: Love and Power. It works. And is justified by his backstory. +15%


 * Backstory is relatively simple, but it actually emphasizes his persona. It also fits in with his wolf motif. +9%

Faunus-ness: 25%


 * A well-balanced wolf faunus, I'd say. Though his key trait is his wolf-like loyalty, it's not emphasized too much in the profile, which is okay enough for me. It should still be toned down to believeable levels though. It's still a bit too overzealous even by normal standards. +25%

Appearance: 10%


 * Relatively simple combat clothes. Though he has an intimidating physique, I feel he'll be more intimidating if he wore something with a bit more flair to them. +7%


 * Casual attire isn't really notable. It's mostly just a palette swap of his combat clothes. +3%

Final Score: 79%

Overall, Mason is a kind of rounded off character. But some details on his profile aren't too clear. He works as he is. Though it leaves more to be desired.

5.Argo Cident (JayHart)

Name: 5%


 * Argo = Argent = Silver. Okay. Reasonable enough for me. +2%


 * Name fits CNR. As per usual. +3%

Weapons/Abilities: 18%


 * Dual Wielding axes? Okay, you got my interest. Though similar in design to the Blunderaxe, it is different enough to be slightly unique. As a bonus, its upgraded form is probably far more badass than the current one. +7%


 * TERRAIN ADVANTAGE! THE HYPEST TACTICS! Though presented with a very glaring flaw, Argo's fighting style is very reliable. But the terrain advantage seals the deal. +7%


 * Semblance sounds just like andrenaline, and operates similarly to Ruby's Speed. It works, though a bit more detail can help it. +4%

Backstory/Personality: 20%


 * Argo is a pretty cool guy. Until you left him alone long enough. Then he turns into a hikikkomori. Interestingly, he wants to be an alpha, but in terms of traits, he's better off a an omega. This is an intruiging concept and I'd love to see how this plays out. +10%


 * Backstory is your usual "family is big, what to do, oh Imma follow my senpai's footsteps". It's detailed enough, but I feel like it's missing something. +10%

Faunus-ness: 25%


 * I said earlier that Vasilisa needs someone to challenger her alphaness. That person is someone like Argo. An omega that wants to be an alpha. This trait makes him stand out at least. +25%

Appearance: 18%


 * I like his outfit. It's simple enough, but has enough detail to look interesting. His hair changing is also notable, as very few OCs have their hairstyle change daily. +10%


 * Casual attire is eh. But the color variance at least compensates for the plainess. And the fact that he has an alternate casual is good too. +8%

Final Score: 86%

There's some minor bias in the fact that Argo has two traits that I like. Taking advantage of terrain and being someone in a lower position, aspiring for something greater.

Besides that, he's pretty well-written as a character. The only real flaw to deal with is his semblance, which just needs more details on it.

6.Morganite Beryl (VedranThell)

Name: 4%


 * I looked up Morganite and can't really come up with anything. Morgan by itself means Sea Circle. But I'm not sure if that's what you were going for. Beryl by itself works. Deduction for vague name. +1%


 * Fits the CNR, mostly. +3%

Weapons/Abilties: 18%


 * Okay, for the life of me, I can't find where the name of his weapon is in the profile. In terms of weapon, I'm no sure. It's creative, yes. But having the rope be the whip as well throws me off, as it has to be thin enough to be pulled back, and to have blowback as well, as well as thick enough to deal some damage. +5%


 * Reliance on a mid-range combat will screw over a lot of melee fighters who don't hold long-ranged weapons. But he's also screwed in toe-to-toe combat. There's not really much on this, and his weapon preference makes it difficult to imagine his fighting style without the bowstring going kaput. +6%


 * Jeezus. His aura is fucking brutal. I love it. Aura-enhanced arrows also make him a pretty dangerous foe in a distance. +7%

Backstory/Personality: 19%


 * OH. So that's what Vedran was talking about when he said there's a conflict in personality. It's not too glaring, honestly. It's pretty much the same as secretly bitching because your teacher told you to clean the board. Then the next statement threw me off. So... freedom? Authority? What, Chaotic Lawful? I'm confuzzled. =/+7%


 * Ooh, an Atlesian faunus. He's fucked. I'm actually interested in how his story unfolds. ...And expectations were subverted. The fact that he's in a middle-class servant-type family and he doesn't like it is kind of worth noting. It's something I want to see at least. +12%

Faunus-ness: 20%


 * Okay. This is where things get a bit long. He's confusing as a wolf Faunus. He's not an omega, that's for sure. But he also lacks the traits of an alpha or a beta. That puts him into one category.

He's a lone wolf.

BUT! For a lone wolf, he's not too bad. Instead of being an emo, he's more of an outcast due to his personality.

I know I hinted that this is the trait I don't want to see. However, it's well-written enough that I'm willing to let it slide.

What makes his faunusness better is actually the fact that his faunus trait are wolf fangs. +20%

On-the-fly edit: OH SURE. ANALYZE THE CHARACTER MAKI. THE FACT THAT HE'S A LONE WOLF IS ALREADY WRITTEN YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOT. >_<

Appearance: 19%


 * This is what I like to see. He's not just wearing a vest, he's wearing a vest with designs on it. The asymmetry of his attire (ring thingy + leather pouch) is also worth pointing out. Not a half bad design. And I don't really need to mention the fangs. +9%


 * His casual design is more cool than his combat clothes. But only because of the chlamys. Without it, he would have a very eh design. +10%

Final Score: 80%

Props for managing to do a well-made lone wolf. The only real flaw is his weapon design, which probably needs some tweaking. The whipstring thing threw me off pretty badly. I suggest the bow itself being the whip as a reasonable alternative.

Yes, I know there's a tie here. Which is why I'm requesting a 2nd judge to deal with both of them.

7.Pluto Eschaton (LiveandSound)

Name: 5%


 * Pluto = wealth = gold? Sure, the name is more inspired by Pluto the god rather than Pluto the term. Either way, it works. +2%


 * Fits the CNR, as per usual +3%

Weapons/Abilities: 18%


 * Though similar in concept to Myrtenaster, his secondary weapon helps alleviate the similarities somewhat. It feel it can be more different though. +4%


 * A fighting style based on countering the opponent is a very difficult fighting style to master. So I'm more giving praise to Pluto for learning it. On the other hand (pfft), being able to throw off your opponent with a secondary weapon is also a clever maneuver. +8%


 * Let it go~ A field effect semblance is not something that's used frequently. Its effects are very unique though, that it can cause Pluto's sword to induce cold fire effects. I'd like to see him use it in a desert. +6%

Personality/Backstory: 25%


 * Oh, so he's kind of like Port. With traits of Ruby mixed in. Not so bad. I think it's a standard that some professors are pretty smug about their achievements.


 * Backstory's a long read, but gives a lot of insight into his personality. So I'll be combining the scores of both.

Initially, the fact that he's an orphan pretty much set a deduction. Then he was in an orphanage. So that's fine. His backstory with regards to Charon is pretty heartwarming. But I feel the best part of his backstory is the fact that his stepdad isn't a dick to be a racist dick, but a justified dick; Being a soldier from Atlas dose that.

And he's a pretty cool dad by the end of it.

The conflict with his teammate with regards to his ego is also notable. With teacher-type OCs, most of the time, their teammates never get mentioned at all. But some insight on them and how it develops Pluto as a character makes it kind of good attention to detail.

And finally, the unresolved plot thread with Charon sets up a lot of things for Pluto in the future. I'd like to see a sequel to this, honestly. +25%

Faunusness: 28%

Pluto has the traits of an alpha, though downplayed. His faunus-ness is actually a key factor in his development. By not making it Pluto's key trait, it kind of lands into the more important role of being pivotal in his character development, as his traits are what made him what he is, rather than being what he is. +28%

Appearance: 10%


 * I nearly went 'eh' on the outfit as it's just your normal trenchcoat dude, but the details on his clothing adds some 'ooh' factor at least. His faunus trait being his nose looks weird from my perspective, but it's also pretty unique. His lack of casual attire is no big loss, but it leaves something to be desired. He's not a fugitive, so something casual should least be considered. +10%

Final Score: 86%

Fucking good backstory. Overall, a pretty well-written character. His weapon of choice needs some more tweaking, but otherwise, he's set.

And it ties with another OC again. Damnit.

And so that's my judging. Due to score similarities, a secondary judge for Vasilisa, and Morganite, and Argo and Pluto may be needed.