Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-26397825-20151206235105/@comment-26397825-20151228030402

Because I am absolutely terrible (and so is my work, which made me work every day except Christmas Day, and today is my first day off), here's the results. Sorry it's so late guys! >.<

Scoring System:

1) Basic Info - 10 points I really don't expect anyone to lose points here.

2) Appearance - 30 points Each part is worth 3 points, outfit is worth 6.

3) Characteristics - 30 points Backstory is worth 25 points, Personality is worth 5 points, Likes/Dislikes are worth 0 but can lose a person up to 2 points each if they really don't fit.

4) Trivia - 5 points Relationships 5 points, Notes can be used to boost your score in other sections.

5) Weapon - 10 points

6) Semblance - 10 points

7) Combat Info - 5 points Landing strategy is worth 2 points, Fighting Style is worth 3 points. Class/Position is worth 0 but can lose a person up to 3 points if it doesn't fit.

Since we have no one using the civilian section, no points are being assigned to it.

First up is Phantom, with Kalpea Nirmu.

1) 10 points

2) 25 points. You lose some points due to a serious lack of detail; what shape is his face, what style/length is his hair, what particle effects does his aura give off? Even if it's the standard glow, I want to know these things. And the outfit is very barebones...does he wear a shirt underneath his jacket? Is it entirely white, including his shoes and the straps for his goggles? Did he not wear anyting else during his six years of retirement, before he died?

3) 27 points. He's old. And from before the war. Nice. You know, as part of the pre-war generation, he doesn't actually need a colour name. You would have still gotten full points for his name after it was explained that he was born before the CNR came into place.

You lost some points because you describe his facial injury as a gunshot wound in his appearance, but it's a Nevermore wound in his backstory. Nice tie in of Mantle becoming defunct and Atlas becoming the new leaders, though that might need to change in the future as we get more information about the collapse of Mantle and the rise of Atlas. Still, you're not losing any points for that from me.

His personality is pretty bland but ties in well. A bit more detail would be good though.

4) 4 points. Not even a mention of his old team? Not even a brief blurb on how they split and went their separate ways? For shame. The only reason you get points here is because of how well you tied the inspiration into his character.

5) 8 points. Folding Frame technology is new? Eh, fair enough assumption. Though I'm a mite disappointed he didn't upgrade to folding frame technology when it came out, since he only died the year RWBY started and only retired 6 years before that. Plenty of time for folding frame technology to be developed and for him to get the hang of having a collapsable sniper rifle, even if he kept his trusty bowie knife.

6) 8 points. Sounds decent enough, and it would have come in handy when he got lost in the Mantle wilderness. The only problem I see is that it seems to be purely based on the fact that he is a sniper; it doesn't really have a tie into his personality and backstory as far as I can tell. He's not been described as patient or willing to wait no matter how long it takes to do something, just unflappable and determined, and his backstory describes him as someone who pushes on even after everyone else has fallen. Nothing about laying in wait for days on end.

7) 3 points. I can't give you points for a landing strategy if he has none, but I can give you points for his fighting style.

Total: 10 + 25 + 27 + 4 + 8 + 8 + 3 = 85 points.

Next up is Cyrania de Bergerac with Annalise Chrysanthos

1) 10 points Pretty basic, mechanical arms make it slightly interesting.

2) 27 points I know where you got those outfit designs from =3 I like that movie too. Though you're pushing it a bit with having her literally wear a tiara shaped bonnet, and her girly outfit does not suit her tomboyish nature at all. Also, there are various shades of 'white skin'. A better word would have been caucasian, fair, or pale, depending on how light you wanted her skin to be.

3) 16 points Okay, this is a doozy.

First up, those are not suitable ways to make a child not spoilt; they just sound like child abuse.

Second, a candle would not have enough time to set fire to the branch when she nocked it over. Branches are round and definitely not flat so the candle would just roll away and hit the ground before doing anything serious. The most damage the branch would have is a little bit of charring from the heat of the candle.

Third, there is no way burns and broken arms would need amputating in this circumstance. The branch falling on her wouldn't shatter the bones in her arms enough to require amputation, otherwise it would break a lot more than just her arms, and even third degree burns don't require amputation. They need a lot of skin grafts, and the bones would be pinned since they can't put a cast on her arms while she heals from the burns, but it certainly wouldn't require amputation.

I can see how the whole thing would hit her hard, so at least that's consistent, but I can't see any parents agreeing to send their child off to become a Huntsman after they just lost both their arms and having to deal with that, let alone being happy about it.

Her personality is too much; she's both a tomboy and a prankster, and a feminine girl with all the training of a princess despite not being part of high society, and just spent ages in physical rehabilitation after loosing her arms. There is no way she's going to be skilled in so many different things, especially after she disdained most of them for most of her life. It's simply too much.

4) 2 points I've already mentioned the problem with her parents attitudes. Most of the stuff you have included in her character feels like it was just because she's based off the Grand Duchess, and is sort of shoved in there without making sure that the character actually makes proper sense. You get points because of her siblings though.

5) 9 points You know, you could write the phonetic pronunctiation of the name so we can read how it is pronounced instead of just looking at it and going "Yep, that's Russian." It's available underneath the translation box in Google Translate. Minor nitpick, but that translation gives me 'Buzzing Arms'. And it's sort of just a multishot version of Roy Stallion's weapon...eh. It's a decent weapon.

6) 7 points  …Her semblance is dependent on her fear of fire, is shaped by the fire that hurt her, and hurts her at lower levels. Um.  I would have thought a better semblance would simply be fire manipulation, and an immunity to fire at higher levels, rather than making specific shields that hurt her at lower levels. Or maybe something to do with the opposite of fire – water – so that she can extinguish her fear easier. Or something. Interesting semblance, but not the best, and not the best fit personality wise.

7) 4 points Buzz Swas don't really lend themselves to a Black Widow fighting style that well, but I suppose in terms of kicks and punches and dodges it's a good visual indicator.

Total: 10 + 27 + 16 + 2 + 9 + 7 + 4 = 75 points.

And now I am taking a bit of a break. I'll be back with Vedran and Gideon's characters soonish.