Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-26397825-20150901031037/@comment-26397825-20150907040533

Fourth up: Pryftan Eurig by Cyrania de Bergerac

1)       Basic Info: 19/20 points. You lost a point for not giving a reason for his acute sense of smell, not even a medical condition. I know some people can smell better than others, but there is usually a reason. Sensitive nose would have been a better descriptor here.

2)       Appearance: 18/20 points. I’ve never heard of a pear-shape face, and all I can think of is someone with a really narrow forehead and bulbous cheeks now. I hope that isn’t what you meant. Also, you say he isn’t overly muscular but according to his BMI, he is literally only just underneath being overweight. I know muscle weighs a bit more than fat, but that seems a bit much. I like his fancy outfits though.

3)       Characteristics: 19/30 points. You don’t say why he dreams of becoming a Hunter. And eh, not sure a Hunter would go on to join the police force exclusively, or that they would then just be fired from the police force for blackmail and extortion but not be punished as Hunters. Also, what order was he expelled from? You don’t say. And how did he get away with continuing to blackmail others when Hunters would have been sent after him to take him in, as he was a trained Hunter doing illegal things and the law enforcement obviously knew about it. Plus, he makes a discount White Fang that doesn’t discriminate – selling both humans and faunus, and somehow is never caught by either the White Fang or the law enforcement. Too many coincidences and stuff going his way for no reason. Also, and AU note would have been nice at the beginning. I also like the mention of his nose, even though it still doesn’t make much sense contextually for him to have an acute sense of smell. He’s only a human after all. Kind of on the nose (hah, I made a pun) having him like the dragon mythos though.

4)       Weapons: 6/10 points. I’m guessing it’s a western dragon wrapping around the cane, though you don’t specify. Also, is it just a cane sword? Like, say Neo’s umbrella? I don’t see how Adam’s weapon comes into this, besides being a sword sheathed in something. Which is a lot of weapons. Oh, I see, the sheath is a beam rifle…right. Not really something that can be effectively used from the hip like you say it is. You kind of mixed up the form/features parts though. The form section is where you write what that form does, the features part is where you write stuff it can do without changing forms or being unsheathed.

5)       Semblance: 9/10 points. So, it’s a mild form of hypnotism. Fair enough. Though with the intoxication part, I have to wonder if it isn’t just his aura getting people drunk and making them babble, which then makes me wonder what happens if he tries it on a mopey drunk or a hysteric drunk.

6)       Combat Info: 2/5 points. Your landing strategy gets full marks, but you failed to explain how he fights at all beyond ‘wanton destruction’ when he does fight. Does he use quick draw movement, fencing style, focus on crippling attack with his sword and take pot shots with his sheath? Also, not sure how Warlock equates to a sword fighter who elementally charges his weapons, which sounds more like a Spellblade. Lost a point there.

7)       Trivia: 4/5 points. So, he’s a dick to everyone he meets. Okay. Still, no mention of his team from while he was at Beacon, or the cops he knows from working in law enforcement? For shame. 4/5.





Overall Total: 77/100