Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-26397825-20161205132101/@comment-24993958-20170113224703

Read it if I can more like it…swear to god there are spaces between everything BUT the back-story.

Speaking of I can’t help but feel your character’s life takes place in fanfic land…which is not exactly an insult…but it’s not exactly a compliment…because fanfics tend to brush off things because they don’t have to sell...let me show you what I mean.

She read Little Red Riding Hood…that we don’t know if it exists in Remnant or not and is just there as an AHA moment for the reader of the fic... In summary you brushed off  acknowledging the existence of that book.

She saves a kid from bullying because that’s what fanfic heroes do, have more righteous fury in them then the main cast composed of at least 2 people obsessed with being heroes...In summary you brushed off  a quirk that’s stronger than the one people in the main cast have.

She left home because writing parent kid interactions is hard for a budding writer so you brushed off  the parents in a way that will limit interactions with your character.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">You offhandedly mention her stealing but <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:700;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">brush <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">it <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:700;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">off <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">despite not growing up in an environment where that would be considered appropriate because.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">You <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:700;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">brushed <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;"> <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:700;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">off the fact <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">she got on the same team as her bff despite the odds of that, with no mention of how they managed to do so.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">And you <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:700;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">brushed off <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;"> her and her boyfriend having a self imposed ship name, despite it not being exactly a common thing in real life.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">On their own none of there are bad per say, i mean RWBY itself is guilty of that too (remember Ruby making a ...I think it was a Richard Nixon pose at the start of V2)...but combining everything in one backstory just…makes it feel like a brushed off story despite the obvious complexity of it.

<span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(217,217,217);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">If you read through all this but still want advice out of me, i say take OUT some of your plot elements, and focus more on the ones you have left and flesh them out.