Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-24993958-20160225194034/@comment-24993958-20160312212432

DragonNAW5 wrote: He was born in Vale and his Mom abandoned him in a dumpster. Where Bleu found him not Years more like hours after.Cross academy teacher (I forgot to type when i was going through it but Neil Woodfeltis the owner of Cross Arms Academy) Neil Woodfelt. (this explains how he made his weapons and he gets ammo from Bacon and from the Neil in the Male.

Honestly everything was there (except the the part about the owner of Cross Arms) which tellls me you only did a quick read through it and only read it once. But thank you for the info and Critique about the stats that is very helpful. ...Interesting...say, since English isn’t my first language...how about you bare with me while I do a little analysis?

DragonNAW5 wrote: ... Mars was found by a con artist ,named Bleu Ukiuki, who found him whilst running from a man he pick pocketed... Now apparently what you wanted to say, bassed on your reply was something like this:

Mars was found by a con artist named Bleu Ukiuki, who was runnin from a man he had pick pocketed. Instead we got your line, which utilizes...I believe it is called an appositive? (or maybe a parenthical statement?). Now, how they work, or at least how I thought they worked, is that a sentence MUST be able to function without the appositive, but the appositive makes the sentence easier to understand. In that line the appositive should be “named Bleu Ukiuki”, in other words, your line should work without it, resulting in this: ... Mars was found by a con artist, who found him whilst running from a man he pick pocketed... Since this is a character bio, I default all “(s)he” instances as belonging to the character IN the bio, so your line ends up sounding like this: ... Mars was found by a con artist, who found  Mars  whilst running from a man Mars pick pocketed ... But again, maybe you're right and I read that wrong, English isn’t my first language…let me assure you though, If I am mistaken, it’s NOT because I didn’t read your bio carefully.