Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-26397825-20161205132101/@comment-27966940-20170111015527

Phantomlink959 wrote: Might be the pictures, they've been known to screw with formatting.

Alright, let’s see what you got here…

Jean Talon… CNR should be something more broad than “makes me think of it” since not everyone will have the same associations; but jeans are denim which is often blue, so good enough start I suppose; probably need to revise down the line.

Symbol… elaborate, but not bad. Did you make that or did you find it somewhere?

Color preference isn’t really a misc trait or something you need to make note of. Every character has a color scheme.

May want to avoid nicknames which are the same as the names of canon characters; just to play it safe.

That’s… not really an aura effect; aura effects are unique visual effects that happen when aura is used, having hair change color like that is really more of a thing which would be semblance related (or if you’re a chameleon faunus based on Ilia; that could be semblance still though.) her semblance is active camo, so the color change doesn't really make sense for her.

You didn’t list a weight, may want to correct that.

She’s definitely not fair skinned; more of a light peach color. Fair generally means closer to white.

On the topic of the pictures; you should use a different base pose for different outfits, using the same base for all of them just looks lazy.

What does “Lived a fairly standard Faunus life” even mean?

Okay, she would have graduated Sanctum at 16-17, and she apparently spent a LOT of time just wandering between two entirely different continents hundreds of miles apart, with thousands of miles or more between the two kingdoms. When the hell did she train? How did she not flunk out?

“Since the attack on Beacon, and learning of her cousin’s dismemberment,” What cousin?

Dismembered how? What the hell is even going in? You’re missing, like, 70% of the story here; it is disjointed as all hell and makes no logical sense whatsoever.

Alright, on to the personality… Oh my. You basically just quoted how Barbara described Yang. (teach a person to swim by pushing them in the water. It’s the first paragraph on Yang’s page, with a citation)

While there’s nothing inherently wrong with that type of personality, you may want to rewrite a bit to avoid making her sound like a ripoff.

Three totally unrelated character allusions… Excuse my language, but that can lead to a clusterfuck even when a person is a leading expert in the field; right now i don’t see any Abraham Van Helsing or Legolas in her; ditch those, don’t even try to use them, focus on the Artemis portion. It’ll make your life a LOT easier and your character a lot more coherent.

We’ve been over the “my character was friends with Pyrrha” thing more times than I count but you never listen to why it’s a bad idea, so I’m going to passive-aggressively mention it but not try to stop you.

If it has blades longer than the grip it automatically stops being a staff and starts being a double-ended sword.

Generic active camo semblance is generic but functional. How does she have a used nickname?

Fair enough.

I suck with weighing characters.

Noted.

I was feeling in a hurry.

Got bullied from time to time, but generally weas treated normally.

Like Blake said. "If you can't fight, you can't survive." She was practically a nomad.

FUCK ME UP! I got it mixed up on a different template!

If you say so, but I think she ties pretty well with Legolas.

I've been feeling like I haven't been taking enough risks lately, so I figured having her as an aquaintance was 'cool'.


 * Cough cough* Amber's staff and Qrow's scythe handle

When I saw Carolina use that, I could see her a mile away.