User blog comment:WC-83/Golden Age of Dust/@comment-4830106-20130805034116

If you're referring to me as the one suggesting you use blogs, I'm flattered.

Bear with me, I'm about to go English Teacher mode for a minute...


 * Break up your long theories into paragraphs. Just makes for an easier overall read and you can organize different sections better.


 * Punctuate, please. Long sentences with no breaks irritate me.

Now that I'm done with that, I like it, especially the idea of it going from a lordship to a corporation. That said, I think you could add a little backstory as to how the Schnee Dynasty came by the Dust in the first place, and what caused rebels to storm the White Castle. And I don't think "spoiled" is a very accurate description of Weiss, but that's just me.