Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-27144409-20170705210718/@comment-25936766-20170902040351

Ok, before anything, I wanna say that it's still very annoying to read when everything is practically glued without even a small separation.

No wonder you haven't gotten decent criticism yet. It's 2 steps away from being a text wall.

That "br" thing you used while making the post? Don't overuse it like you did. Just go to visual mode and press Enter once, much simpler. Or just press Enter twice when separating paragraphs before you copy-paste it from Word or whatever.

Alright, since the Background and Personality are the biggest things, I'll focus on the rest first.

Phantomlink959 wrote:

1) CNR Explanation: Aurora has Roman origins, meaning Dawn; while Roseus comes from Rose, a flower associated with love and romance

2) Aura Colour: rose gold

3) Jacaranda “Jackie” Abate: Daughter, average mother-daughter relationship.

Notes:

4) Weapon Name: Prince Charming Classification: Heavy Melee Hand Cannons Short Description: A pair of high-caliber handguns with axe blades beneath the barrels; one fires bullets and the other is outfitted for dust.

5) Semblance Name: Haven’t decided on one yet Short Description: Enhance the mass of user or items in their possession Activation Cue: Sound of laser engraving steel Reflection of Personality: Aurora is stubborn and set in her ways, effectively immoveable ideologically.

6) Landing Strategy: Similar to Ren, using the axe blades on Prince Charming as anchors to provide leverage against a stationary object and give her time to slow down

7) Fighting Style: Aurora is a mixed brawler, while she typically pushes the attack she relies on superior agility to dodge blows more often than letting her armor and aura absorb damage. She uses her weapons primarily for melee combat, using the guns for combo attacks or to force flying enemies to come closer by drawing their attention. 1) Aurora is literally the Roman Goddess of Dawn. And also the name for Northen Lights. The latter meaning is more useful, since even someone totally ignorant of Roman Mythology thinks of those Northen Lights when someone says "Aurora".

As for Roseus......It predates Rose, actually. Roseus is latin, it comes from the word "Rosa", which literally means "Rose", as in the flower. Roseus was an adjective, referring to things that are Pink or Rose colored.

The More You Know.

2) ...What sort of color is Rose Gold? Wouldn't that be more like orange?

3) What sort of name is Jacaranda, and why in heaven's name did a woman named Aurora and a man named Callum name their daughter Jacaranda? The difference between them is very jarring.

I mean, I skimmed a bit and found that she was supposedly named after her mother's team, JCRD. In itself is fine, but ''what the hell is a Jacaranda for starters? ''A bird of some sort? That's something you could've added into the pretty-much-empty Notes subsection of the Trivia.

4) From an artistic sense, I find it weird why a PAIR of guns are called "Prince Charming", as if it was 1 single thing. It's not actually 1 weapon, it's a pair of weapons, and not even identical at that. Weren't there other options, like "Beauty and Beast" or "Snow-White and Rose-Red"?

As for the actual weapons........I'll be honest, you're saying practically nothing in that section. Ok, so both are Heavy Handguns, and one shoots bullets (which should be obvious), while the other is "outfitted for Dust".

For starters, just saying "outfitted for Dust" explains nothing. It's leaving so much out that I have literally no idea of what it means, how it works, etc. I don't even have any idea about the design at all, since there's not even a vague mention of colors.

Personally, if your "Short Description" is going to be so damn short and non-descriptive, don't bother. Treat the Weapon's Short Description like a summary of the general weapon, not a vague mention that leaves almost everything out and doesn't give a proper idea of what it is.

Nothing says the Short Description must be 2 lines long. That's only for Semblances, and only in the Semblance thread, due to the SSMASLE; Here, Semblances are not expected to be linked in the SSMASLE, so their Short Description (while it should still be short) doesn't have the strict restriction.

And more nit-picky, but the Acronym could be better. "Heavy Melee Hand Cannons". If it's a Hand Cannon, "Heavy" becomes superfluous. And "Melee" doesn't really indicate anything useful when instead saying "Axe" would carry the same message ("You can strike things with it...") more clearly (Since it also says "...Because they're axes").

5) ....Mass? I thought it was Density manipulation.

Mass and Density may be related, but you know as well as I do that they are not the same. A higher mass means something has more matter, and would thus be heavier.

A higher density means there's more mass per unit of Volume within a body, which doesn't mean an object would be heavier or bigger. It could instead imply the contrary; If you made an object smaller while keeping it's mass the same, it's density would rise because there'd be more mass every 1cm, for example.

See what I mean? Saying "Changes Mass" like you're doing now, is different from saying "Changes Density" like you more-or-less said when you posted it back in the Semblance thread. It's basically the difference between how much bread you have, and how hollow that bread is.

Now, I understand. Mass Manipulation > Weight-Shifting, while Density Manipulation > Weight-Shifting + Size-shifting. The former is simpler and easier to balance. But still.

Speaking of the threads, I'm 100% sure you already posted that Semblance in the Semblance thread. All you had to do was link, man. Ditto with the weapon, if you also posted that thing before.

6) What sort of axe blades are we talking about? Depending on their shape, and considering that "Princes Charmings" is heavier than Stormflower by design, trying to do what Ren does with it could be more difficult than you make it sound.

7) So............Fragile Speedster? I'd say "Glass Cannon" but based on what you tell me I only have a vague idea of both how much of a punch she packs and how good her defense is.

I also seriously have no freaking idea how her weapons would help her "force flying enemies to come closer by drawing attention".