Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-30530552-20170831211428/@comment-30530552-20170917033752

Alright, first up we have WC’s submission, Gwyn Marshall.

Basics: 9/10 - All of it checks out. I guess he just doesn’t like nicknames then. As for the cross thing...what’s the difference there? You don’t see other characters changing their emblems. I suppose I’ll see why later on, maybe I’ll rescind this. EDIT: Nupe.

Appearance: 17/20 - Here’s a question for you. Is the 230 lb. (I’m assuming it’s pounds, given you did not offer units and 230 kg. would be absurd) weight for the 17 year old, or the 20 year old version of him? Or has it been maintained entirely (which I find unbelievable)? By having 2 distinct ages, and weight being something that can change easily, it would’ve been wise to include both, if applicable. That said, I like the medieval look you’re giving this guy...though links to some of your references would be nice to the judges that grade you, as something for any future submissions you do on these pages.

Backstory + Characteristics: 8/30 - Okay, to set the record straight, even if it’s being called non-canon, WC, that’s still technically canon interaction, which is specifically outlined as a no-no in the rules. (See Rule 4 if you’re so inclined.) Now, a normal judge would immediately scream “OUT” and that’s what I should be doing right now. But I want to see what else you have as a 2nd time entrant, so for now you’re still in, albeit with a heavy point docking. Secondly, while the rest of the backstory is acceptable, it’s too short for my taste. Additional detail might’ve helped you retain a semi-decent score here, as this section is your most important point-wise. I do like his personality, although you seem to have forgotten to add an “N/A” or “None” to Misc. Traits.

Trivia: 4/5 - I appreciate how you personified the competition theme. A shame you didn’t explore it more in the backstory. As for your relationships, with as few people as you have they could’ve used some more detail. That, or more, since while he has a teammate in Lin, as you mentioned earlier, it seems like they haven’t spoken much at all. Or his parents for that matter, whoever and wherever they are/were. Or siblings (if applicable).

Weapon: 11/15 - Cool weapon. Not going to be questioning the mechanics of how it becomes a chainsaw sword by adding the kite shield to it too much because of a certain other broadsword + kite shield wielder in-show. Once again, links / images might’ve been helpful. Also, in terms of “probably had some help,” you shouldn’t really be saying that, since we’re supposed to know stuff about this character. Either he did, or didn’t. Make sure you keep that in mind if you submit again.

Semblance: 11/15 - While I like the Semblance, you’re still lacking some level of detail on how much energy it takes to maintain, how far it could theoretically go, and the actual strength of the construct. The reflection of personality is good though.

Combat Info: 3/5 - Not a landing strategy, but works personality-wise nonetheless. Fighting Style is short and simple, but could’ve used more detail.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:14pt;margin-bottom:15pt;"><span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#d5d4d4;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Day to Day Life (Optional): N/A - No point recovery.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:14pt;margin-bottom:15pt;">2nd Time Entrant (Consider this a gift): +10

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:14pt;margin-bottom:15pt;"><span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#d5d4d4;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">9+17+8+4+11+11+3 = 63 (+10).

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:14pt;margin-bottom:15pt;"><span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#d5d4d4;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Total - 73 Points

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:14pt;margin-bottom:15pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:14pt;margin-bottom:15pt;"><span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#d5d4d4;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Disclaimer: Don't mistake my review as attacking your character, but take it as constructive criticism. I'm merely trying to help you get your character into good shape, and I hope you find this seemingly nitpicky criticism helpful.