Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-25396609-20171207232020/@comment-27425734-20180120201032

Bajarias.josef wrote:

 Background: Born in Bijozakura, Aoki was the son of a well known swordsman, and thus, he was taught in his father's ways as he grew. As time passed, his father introduced him to the village's teacher, Aurum.

Over time, he met, Nho, Bai, Geo, Cyan and Kanto as classmates, one time, both Aoki and Cyan had a training accident that injured his right eye and scarred Cyan above his eye. After Cyan left for Atlas, he enrolled in Mistral and formed team AGNT.

I think this part could use some more detail with regards to relationships between characters. In particular, the relationship between the village's teacher, Aurum and Aoki. Why is this significant to Aoki's background? Besides Aurum's class presumably being where Aoki got his injured eye, I don't see how Aurum is important to Aoki's overall story arc.

Also, why did Aoki become a Huntsman in the first place? Did Aurum or his childhood friends play some role in this? And why did he choose Mistral Academy?

On another note, I think that a note or two about Aoki's age at each of the major events in his life would help to flesh out his character more. Right now, his backstory is a little vague and it's hard to place how his character has matured from childhood to adulthood.

Lastly, there's not much information about his first two years at Mistral Acaademy. How his Aoki changed since his first year at Mistral? Did his pride in himself affect his ability to lead his team? How did he overcome this flaw?

4) Trivia

Notable Relationships: team AGNT, as child hood friends, he's very tolerable of their antics, though he rarely, joins in, he does notice Nho's feelings about him, he just does not know what to do.

Him and Cyan are more like brothers than a friendly rivalry.

He goes well with Kanto, to the point that Cyan trusts him to keep his sister safe.

More information in this section on the interactions and conflicts between him and his team members. Even if they are his childhood friends, people tend to change over time, so I think it'd be interesting to know how their relationships have changed.

Also, if Cyan attended Atlas, I'm assuming that he moved from Mistral to Atlas. So did Cyan and Aoki keep in close contact during their time away from each other? If not, I think it would help to show why their relationship is still so strong.

Outside of this, I'm not seeing any other major issues. His allusion seems fine, and his personality makes sense. Again, more detail in his background would help to support his personality. As for the weapon, it looks fine to me, but I'm not too savvy when it comes to weapons.

I do have a question about his Semblance. You state that each time he takes a hit, the force of the impact is absorbed and released at a later point similar to Yang's or Adam's Semblance. But since the effect is described as a stack, does that mean he can deal multiple counterattacks that are each four times stronger than the opponent's attacks?