Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-24993958-20160225194034/@comment-24993958-20160303200505

DeletedContent wrote: Well here's my OC, and hell, its about time

-Name: Legere Rook

Well…it’s among your first oc’s and it shows in the backstory…you gave him every protagonist origin ever safe of “I found the magic artifact”. You have the chemical angle, the highly trained angle, the chosen one survivor angle, the misunderstood criminal angle, the vengeance angle…and those are just the ones off the top of my head…and if you want to know why that’s bad I can point you to every good superhero ever and few of them need more than one angle to work.

Baring that everything else is ok, nothing overpowered about his skillet, decent design and skillset and nicely expanded character interactions…but if all of that is icing and the story is the cake…well…

Below is a list of all the potential potholes you made while trying to Frankenstein all the angles together.

1)Basic info: Details missing on the symbol.

2)Appearance:

-Veins glow with same color?...what veins? Cause I don’t see their location mentioned andwhere.

-More details on length of hair would be nice…my money is on either shoulder or chin length.

3)Characteristics:

-Background: …sigh…well…given the personality snippet I was expecting most of this

-He was abducted for a project that failed for obvious reasons…so obvious the people that founded the project thought it would work

-they managed to slow his aging while everyone else dies? You do know that even people that develop immunities to poison still lose the years they had while developing the immunity right?

-some non mentioned people arrested those that founded the project, but never got any lead that could help them find the 4+ named oc’s of yours, despite the fact the project would keep data on their health after every experiment;

-the scientists decided to split from the subjects is contradictory, since them helping them escape implies they cared about them, but letting em fend for themselves on the street till a random teacher took em under implies the scientists decided they were not worth the effort…jerks…

-the 4 ended on a team despite Beacon and WOR heavily implying the prospect of selecting teams is randomized to promote camaraderie with strangers.

-random unexplained backstab by former mentor cause...jerk…

<p class="MsoNormal">-despite getting trounced the first time, Legere murdered the opposition the second time while having 4* less manpower

<p class="MsoNormal">-he ends up on a wanted list but somehow he’s able to moonlight as a mercenary…this doesn’t work due to you trying to portray him as he good guy in a scenario in which he answered 3 hospitalizations with a mass murder…the only mercenary work he’s getting is as an armed thug..

<p class="MsoNormal">-your note make his mass murder feat even less believable since he needed to do it relatively fast after his friends got hospitalized to avoid a round 2…so either you didn’t realize this or you are implying he was so OP he went uninjured when his 3 other teammates ended up hospitalized.

<p class="MsoNormal">-his business can’t be as legitimate as you make it cause he’s a CRIMINAL, you can’t imply he keeps things hidden when the fact he committed genocide made him WANTED.