Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-24534644-20160802001817/@comment-24534644-20160829001627

UUUUUGGGHHH I HATE LIFE. Okay. Gonna finish this now, before my Internet goes haywire again. LAST ONE. CYRANIA DE BERGERAC. OC is Eleanor Blerta. Let's go!

Basic Info: 15/15. Age threw me for a loop at first, until I remembered that Signal is a combat school, not a Huntsman Academy. Everything here checks out, although I do find it a bit weird that you made her a cat faunus of all things...but then again, they do like to eat fish. That's actually kinda morbid.

Appearance: 16/20. It's okay for the most part, though a girl who is 5 feet tall and weighs only 94 pounds is considered underweight. As in, it's not healthy. It's not by a large margin, but it's still notable, especially since you say that she's "sort of muscular". At that height/weight ratio, there's no room for ANY muscle at all. There's also no such thing as a "tinkerbell dress". There is a "dress" that is worn by a character named Tinkerbell, but there is no such classification for a clothing article. Also, I should note that an "aura effect" is not usually exactly the same as the Semblance's natural effect, that I've seen.

Characteristics: 21/30. Okay... so something that immediately stands out way too many name drops with far too little organization. I had to reread this background a total of 6 times just to get all of the family's names straight, and it still seems like you left out a bunch of them only to bring them up later in the relationships section, which only caused even more confusion. This "Lambert" fellow in particular threw me for a loop, because he's apparently a sibling who's got some sort of rivalry with Ella, but at no point in the background is he even mentioned prior to the line near the end where it basically says "oh yeah and these two are jealous of each other". As for the background itself, it's okay, although it's admittedly quite dull and has a lot of frankly pointless information in it. Like the harp thing. I get you probably put that in there for a connection to the horoscope, but it in no way has any significance or influence over the rest of her character. It didn't affect the course of her life, or affect her weapon or semblance or fighting style, or anything really. It's just there, for all intents and purposes it's nothing more than a passing hobby. Something like that should have just been idly mentioned in a passing sentence or left to the likes section, not given an entire paragraph.

Trivia: 2/5. Now you did have a lot of pieces here, which is helpful, but there were quite a few issues. First, the father and mother. Apparently, judging from their roles in the background, these two must be Hunters, or at least have some combat experience... but at no point is this mentioned, not even here in the relationships section. It's just said that Ella learned Dust and stuff from her father, her mother apparently is a healer, and the rest is hand-waved. That's not okay. The aunt and uncle both came out of nowhere, but that's not as much of a problem. The real issue is the siblings. It's fine to have a big family, that's not the issue. But if you're going to give a character 6+ siblings, then you can't just slap them all together into the same section, and then name them one-by-one in a disjointed mess, and expect me to remember who they are. Some of these siblings aren't even mentioned in the backstory, they only show up here, and for less than a sentence. If they're that irrelevant to the character's background, then why even bother putting them in? What I'm saying is that if you're going to make a big family of characters, then you need to put actual effort into making the family members at least semi-recognizeable, rather than just throwing names out randomly to create the illusion of a large group.

Weapon: 3/10. Oh boy... so you just literally made Yang's weapon, but with more types of Dust? That's not even an over-simplification, since you literally put down "Weiss' rapier, Yang's bracelets" in the weapon derivation. I'm sorry, but taking an existing character's weapon and making it able to do more stuff isn't how you make something original. On their own merits, the weapons themselves are okay, but I can't accept them when they're just a copy/paste/fusion of two canon character's weapons by your own admission. There's also the issue of how Weapons are supposed to compliment a character's inherent abilities (i.e. their Semblance), which I downright cannot see these things doing, but more on that below. (Also, that name that is "sort of true" and "something a romantic fantasy lover might come up with"? Yeah, i t's a pair of vambraces that use Dust. And they're called "Dust's Vambraces". I t's really not poetic or romantic to call something what it literally is. That's what the type/classification part is for.)

Semblance: 7/10. And we continue the trend of incredibly obvious names that are supposed to be very fitting... though with Semblances, it's more acceptable. The Semblance itself is okay, even if "fading into the background" is an incredibly vague description. Though based on how she apparently fights, and the limitations this Semblance has, I can't see how this is any more useful than just straight up hiding behind something. It's not like she sneaks around the battlefield for surprise attacks after all, she just uses Dust spells from a distance. Another person could just use a tree or a cart as cover and accomplish basically the exact same thing. I can sort of see how it fits with the personality, but it's starting to seem like you're just taking fantasy story tropes and trying to make them fit with he character rather than giving her something that actually fits her.

Combat Info: 7/10. Well, first things first, I cannot see how this girl is supposed to be a Runemaster in a fight if she can't make runes. There's a difference between making magical symbols and just throwing elements around. "Mage" is the word you're looking for. As for the actual fighting style... well, I inadvertently already covered it in my Semblance review. Anyone with Dust weapons and a good hiding spot can do exactly the same thing she does, without the need for a special hiding Semblance, though admittedly the extra precaution is probably helpful.

Overall Point Total: 71. I feel like you did try, but in the process tried too hard in some places and not hard enough in others. The result was the character turning into something of a confusing hodge podge of different things that just don't go well together or didn't make sense, or just were explained extremely poorly.