Board Thread:Speculation House/@comment-10390252-20141218201832/@comment-25555436-20141219150637

You need a better proofreader. Don't let something like "it's too dark" stop you. To not do something, which could potentially be a good step if well written, just because "It's too dark", you would be doing the same mistakes RT has been doing with RWBY!

Unless, what you've been doing so far is not dramatic or dark at all, then it would be sudden and not a good move at all. Though considering the premise, I doubt that's what you've been doing.....right?

Let me try to guess the premise of this version of the idea:

-Yang kills Jaune by accident, though there were no witnesses.

-She tries to act like normal so people don't suspect her, but RWB still sees she's...eh, not herself exactly.

-In the meantime, Yang is also dealing with the fact she just killed someone, a friend too, and goes into the Despair Event Horizon.

Sounds good, concept-wise, though I still need to see it's execution. It could be like RWBY: Sounds good, looks good, then...proves it's not so good.

As for a few things you mentioned, I think I can find ways to subvert those original ideas that your proofreader may tolerate, should you not wish to kick him out.

-Pregnancy is out.

-Ruby doesn't kill CRDL, she tries to, and injures them, but then they make it clear that they did not kill Jaune, and WB convinces Ruby to stop.