Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-24994749-20160215224136/@comment-25936766-20160513041009

WC-83 wrote: The Knight was a fair lord, but when the enemy retaliated and levelled his land, he went on a rampage across their lands. Okay, first, you need to flesh it out more. The way you're telling the tale, the transition from "fair lord" to "KILL EM ALL" is way too sudden and weird.

And second, but this is just personal nitpickyness: The "Grimm came, everyone (nearly) died" feels kind of forced, thrown in. Kinda like a Diabolus Ex Machina. Of course, legends and fairy tales do have their fair share of unexpected last-second bullshit, so it could work.