Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-3965075-20150620202833/@comment-25396609-20150715042936

Alright, first things first, you are going WAY overboard on the details. Try to pick one specific age and take a snapshot of the character at that point in time. I typically use what I consider to be 'present' based on context, my primary OC is in the same year as RWBY, so I use a snapshot of him at 17 in most cases. Narrow down all details to only that period of time.

Second, no way in HELL a dropout is going to be one of Ozpin's direct subordinates.

Third, what exactly is 'dust contamination?'

fourth, weight should only include body weight, not armor ad weapons. Also, the heaviest armor kits (full plate) weigh MAYBE 60

fifth, eye color doesn't change that much over your life without serious damage being done.

Sixth, by the time you hit 17, most facial features are fully developed, unless he had a really messed up growth curve

seventh, hair color NEVER changes that much. (also, he sounds suspiciously like Geralt of Rivia in his later years)

eighth, snapshot, dude. Seriously. Don't need to know his daily exercise routine for the last 29 years.

ninth, I repeat, isolate a time in his life and go with that for clothes

tenth, grammar is a bit wonky in the background, and you really should summarize more. background--- Even the most obssesive family wouldn't unlock a childs aura that young. My character who had her aura unlocked the youngest was at three, but only to save her from a potentially fatal injury. He wasn't even trained as a warrior, so they would have left his Otherwise they wouldn't have even considered. Brother trained in combat not knowing his semblance when the kid who shouldn't even have aura unlocked does is special snowflake incarnate. Red dust is fire, not explosive. And it's a powder, would fall right off, not to mention being BRIGHT RED. They would notice it quite easily. Almost kills brother (beaten to bloody pulp typically means they're dying), gets a slight reprimand, and decides it's his brothers fault? Not freaking likely. Already showing signs of sociopathy. Swears never to use semblance again? Seen that movie, he goes back to using it for no real reason. Brother dies at initiation(typical. The sibling you swear vengeance on always dies tragically). What kind of Grimm? 'I didn't expect this kind of pressure from being the sole heir of an aristocratic warrior family' 'killing the things that exist for the sole purpose of slaughtering human isn't honorable' Uh, yes it is. Kind of the whole 'my life for my people' thing that pretty much DEFINES honor. Pride can be dangrous, that is true, But pride is also a powerful force, one that moves you to do better, to be better. We don't even know if Summer was a weapons expert. She may have been a mage type for all we know. More importantly, why a cannon character rather than an OC? I can understand losing a teammate, it's a dangerous life, but we've seen nothing saying a team member dying would lead to disbandment. Not liking the dust contamination thing, too contrived. Nothing in cannon shows that it would be possible. Dust is raw elemental force in crystalline form, not something that could change so many physical aspects. If infused intentionally to the body, it MIGHT change the part that is infused, but only that part, and certainly not personality. That takes emotional damage or head trauma. Finishing with a song quote? Gary Stu point right there. Also everything Spirit said that I missed. ---personality--- character development is nice, but once again, snapshot it. ---weapons---