Thread:Phantomlink959/@comment-24993958-20150310000215/@comment-24993958-20150312202645

Ok so I went through the prologue and I’m a bit confused in some places I must admit…but leaving aside my confusions I have some suggestions.

Take out the repeating dialogue, scene shifts are ok, but not when they experience the exact same thing. You can have it from one of them or Ozpins perspective as he takes note of every student there and perspective switch while they are all mid air.

More visual details, especially on the characters. Just because you know how they look and I can cntrl+f your character sheets don’t mean others will or can. I’m not telling you to do info dumps, in fact I might beg you not to do info dumps, but try and slowly sneak in details about the characters like ”(color) eyes squinted as she realized everything looked blurry”.

Lastly, I was going to point out none of them met any grimm...but you seem to be using it as a plot point so I’ll wait and see what you do with that.