Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-26397825-20170730125154/@comment-26397825-20170825023133

Okay, here's the first review. VedranTheII's ''' Sorin Viciu. '''
 * Spirit wonder if Vedran knows his entry font is pale pink, and given the blood-drenched history of the allusion is wondering if that was on purpose.

1) Basic Info - 10 points Mild typo in the nickname, it’s spelled vicious. No points lost for typos though, so you’re golden.

2) Appearance - 16 points

Very mildly underweight, which given he’s supposed to have at least some muscle as a retired Huntsman I would prefer if he was within the healthy weight range, even if only by a little bit. Bump his weight up to 69kg and he’ll be within healthy weight range by enough that I could buy an extremely skinny figure that has some muscle.

His outfit is...plain. That’s all I can say about it. Is there nothing notable about it, such as a vest with a faint pattern on it, or cufflinks, or maybe a tie?

3) Characteristics - 18 points

I’m guessing you’re going with the idea that the Faunus Rights Revolution was a recent thing, but I’m fairly certain we’ve worked out that it was around the time of the Great War, just after the Faunus were granted Menagerie. That makes it more his father’s era than Sorin’s, being somewhere between 60-80 years ago.

Heh. “None of the team licked”. I hope none of the team licked his philosophy.

The situation with Caramel feels...forced purely for plot reasons. She ‘’just happens’’ to know that his father said no to helping the Faunus revolution. And then the trip home when a phone call after arriving back in Haven would have sufficed to at least learn if there was reason to worry seemed unnecessary and out of character. And then the friendship between the two feels just as forced, entirely deriving from Caramel deciding she wants a friend who is on a similar social standing after literally shattering Sorin’s world.

The promise he makes to Caramel about trying to rekindle his relationship with his father simply because she is scared of losing him as her friend comes from nowhere and seems to have no bearing on the topic at hand. I don’t see how it helps Caramel make a choice either way, though at least the promise to always remain her friend alleviates part of the issue.

His backstory cuts unexpectedly, leaving the impression that he’s still in school or only just graduated than the full 42 years he’s supposed to be.

Personality is barebones and could use expanding quite a bit.

4) Trivia - 3 points

How did Caramel become his wife and they have a child? None of this is explained in the backstory.

5) Weapon - 12 points

Interesting premise, though considering Atlas had guns in the Great War according to the WoR, I’m not sure how viable it is that it is supposed to be a progenitor to the Remnant gun. It seems more of a follower to be honest, as it deals with collecting aura in a specific location before launching it effectively, similar to an Aura Slash but different enough in application. It’s simple and it works though.

6) Semblance - 15 points

So it’s sort of like Emerald’s, but doesn’t completely rewrite what they see and he uses it like Killing Intent in Naruto. Nice. I like it. I also like the reflection of his character.

7) Combat Info - 5 points

It all makes sense given what you’ve said about his character and his weapon and abilities.

Total - 79 points