Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-27144409-20170705210718/@comment-27447621-20171105151643

So first off, There is a template up top, and it helps us out if you use it. I understand you kind of copy-pasted it from another source, but with what it looks like you included, it wouldn't even be too hard to just transfer it into our Template. Take you maybe 10-20 minutes.

But anyways, on to the character. Sorry for the big post, btw, I tend to be a bit wordy sometimes.

You're kind of contradicting yourself for his personality. Cocky, confident and humorous people are not usually too introverted. Introvert means "a shy, reticent (not revealing their thoughts or feelings readily) person. That clashes with your cocky and confident attitude points. Pick one.

And this is one part where following our template would have helped. What does the Inactive form of the Naginata look like? Where is it stored? Are there any notable designs or patterns on the weapon as a whole? Where is the Scattergun aspect; in the handle or above the blade or what? Describe it a bit.

The Semblance is nothing great, and I see you've already been briefed about the general attitude towards strictly elemental Semblances. I thought you were going to have the flames heal; did that just get dropped? If anything, you should be glad that you can do everything in this Semblance with Fire Dust, because that leaves the possibility of a different Semblance open.

"Abilities: He can turn into a Phoenix at will." No. Just…no. We not only have no indication that Phoenixes even exist in Remnant in the first place, but turning into an animal seems like a Semblance in and of itself. And I know you're going to bring up Qrow, but 1) the most we ever got was soft confirmation outside of the non-canon RWBY Chibi that he can become a bird in the first place (unless there was hard confirmation within the last 2 episodes) and 2) Even if he could, crows are considered Omens of Bad Luck, so him being able to turn into a Crow as his main Semblance with the passive effect of having crappy luck would work IMO.

His parents let him wield an actual polearm at the age of 11 with no proper training? Any explanation for that besides "Neglectful Parenting"?

How long had he been play-fighting before his dad started training with him? You say he'd been swinging sticks "before 11", and then you say "10th birthday, dad starts training with him", so when did the behavior start?

Again, I would call this neglectful parenting. "Let's start using actual weapons when you're 10 years old and haven't had your Aura unlocked yet while fighting against a trained Huntsman. Seems Legit". At least have them use blunted or wooden swords or something. And sure, his dad's careful, but accidents can happen, and his dad would no doubt be aware of this.

Was the line about him deciding that greatswords were his favorite even necessary? He switches right to using a Naginata, so it seems kind of pointless. And we see this again with the Grenade Launcher training that plays into his weapon exactly 0%. At this point it's pretty clear that either you were going to use a Greatsword Grenade Launcher for his weapon and just forgot or (more likely) these aspects will be relevant later, so if you're going for a new weapon and a surprise reveal of "Oh, and I happen to know how to use a Greatsword and a Grenade Launcher", it's not much of a surprise.

Your timeline's a tad off, as well. Operating under the assumption that the lower academies train students for 4 years (like a typical american school), Yang was 17 when starting at Beacon. Which means that from 12 to 16, kids go to Signal.

Ok, it's alright to have OCs going to school at the same time as canon characters, as long as they aren't tied too closely together. Personally I would remove the CFVY reference from your backstory, but that's a nitpick.

And there we go. Nothing amazing, and there are a few problems (see above) but I think it's ok overeall. Just use our template next time, please? It gives us more info to work with.