Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-30530552-20170401005801/@comment-30530552-20170415154146

Alright, next up we have Ahpolki Inika's character, Hugh Farran.



Basic Info: 7/10 - Alright, so….your color basis for Hugh is a small stretch, but I’ll allow it since you kinda outlined that through “making people think of it.” I could just as easily think purple or pink for hearts, but I digress. As for the last name, that’s much better in coloring, and makes the competition theme obvious. Also of note are his many occupations, which in 48 years of life seems like a lot, but this isn’t the section to judge that in.



Appearance: 18/20 - You’re giving him quite the Nordic feel with his appearance (particularly his hair, occupation, and his physique), and that’s nice. For physique, I would assume that “meat on his belly” means he’s got a gut along with his muscles? Also, cute wedding gift.



Characteristics/Backstory: 18/30 - Okay, so this guy starts training in blacksmithing at 15, you say? It might’ve been a little easier to figure that out had it been worded more obviously, considering you talked about her being 10 and his last age known was 10. Then he goes to war so he can find work, and still respects Faunus even though he was effectively fighting against them.

Since when was the last time during a major war that soldiers got lots of funds for winning or participating in a war? I’ll tell you one thing, most times in the U.S., our soldiers would go off to war, get shot at and survive, and receive next to nothing for their efforts except a pat on the back and a “well-done.” Moving past that though, it's not impossible to have it happen, and theoretically it should happen  every time, though often it doesn’t.

“Prided himself on becoming an independent black.” Excuse me, what? I’m going to assume that this refers to “blacksmith” as opposed to one of its <span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#d5d4d4;font-weight:700;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">other <span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#d5d4d4;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;"> multiple meanings. A better, less confusing term would have been “smith.” I also don’t think the SDC would ask to buy the shop...I think they would forcibly absorb it, given its current leadership tactics from Jack Frost.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:12pt;margin-bottom:15pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#d5d4d4;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">So we’ve got a badass Huntress chick. I can get behind that. Her name better be explained later on, however, since otherwise I can’t verify her CNR without lengthy Google searches. Same goes for Ualan, and Anan. Currently, for the smith I have “cloud,” for Ualan I have “valentine,” and for Ailbhe I have “white.”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:6pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#d5d4d4;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Ailhbe is a Huntress in training? Okay, how young is this girl? And more importantly, if she’s that young, then why would she go with Hugh of all things, given that he’s a middle-aged man as opposed to someone younger? I’m going to assume that she isn’t a Huntress in training and Ualan is, because in my eyes, what your portraying is not impossible, but improbable.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:6pt;margin-bottom:8pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:6pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#d5d4d4;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Trivia: 4 / 5 - You probably should have made note of the names here, since otherwise people tend to have a bitch of a time trying to find the right translation. This was particularly the case for Anan and Havald, with Havald referring to the same elements as Hugh, if I’m not mistaken. Ironically, Ferrer would work as a better surname than Farran for Hugh, given that it means “blacksmith”, although that would make his allusion basis less evident. Allusion is all good and lines up with the competition theme and his name, not gonna whine about the minimally creative element choice since I’ve already covered the naming stuff enough.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:6pt;margin-bottom:8pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:6pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#d5d4d4;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Weapon: 15/15 - That. . . . is probably the most badass weapon I’ve seen in awhile. I’m assuming his chief element of choice is Fire Dust, considering the naming and mention of it?

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:6pt;margin-bottom:8pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:6pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#d5d4d4;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Semblance: 12/15 - How long is a good while? A year? Three? Ten? Be more specific with it, please. I’m also going to ask if using Dust with this Semblance is similar to Blake having Dust in her weapon, and then releasing it as a Dust clone...so, basically, magic. I don’t think the “Metal” Dust type exists, though that too would be an interesting concept. (Where everything IS Dust.)

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:6pt;margin-bottom:8pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:6pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#d5d4d4;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Combat Info: 4 / 5 - “He’ll charge in and shatter all their bones.” Welcome to the party, Adam Taurus. Please stand by, while we process your <span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#d5d4d4;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">bull <span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#d5d4d4;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">shit. And that’s assuming whatever he’s fighting actually has bones. You gave a reason for the landing strategy, so that’s not being deducted.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:6pt;margin-bottom:8pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#d5d4d4;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Civilian Section (Optional): Recovery of 4 points - You mentioned the shop previously, and we get some more info here. The artistic license, I agree in the fact that I found nothing for it. The other stuff checks out.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#d5d4d4;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Alright, let’s start adding up our totals here.

7 + 18 + 18 + 4 + 15 +12 + 4 + (Recovery of 4 points) = 82 points. Another particularly strong submission.

Next up for judging is SpiritedDreaming with Flavio Goban.