Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-26397825-20151206235105/@comment-26397825-20151229003531

Before I go to work, I thought I'd try to judge another one. And here it is; Vedran's Beyaz Vere:

1) 9 points You lost a point here simply because of ambiguous wording for the symbol; I wasn't sure if the bird had four wings and two were outstretched and two were pointing down, or if it had two wing and the fir part was outstretched with the tips pointing down. I saw it when I looked at the notes, but it was still a bit confusing.

2) 30 points I like a good Appearance section, which is what yours is. The clothes are detailed, the shape and colours and effects are all there, and his height/weight fits his body type. Good job.

3) 24 points The backstory is very vague, and you really skipped out on mentioning his teenage or Haven years. Also, no mention of why he retired; or even that he did retire at all. Your backstory reads as though the party after wiping out the Grimm was the last thing that happened in his life so far, but he can't be retired if that's true because his old team mates didn't pull him out of retirement for one last job.

The personality is also very bland, with only a token mention of his dislike of humans and love of alcohol. The friendly nature for those he trusts is nice, but still not enough for me.

4) 4 points Very nice tie in for the allusion, I really like how well you did that. Also, puns are always fun. Pity you didn't make any mention of relationships whatsoever; not even a mention of what team he was on as a youth. You get points for allusion explanations, and that is it.

5) 10 points Nice weapon. The note about the lock for the trigger is a nice tie in for his backstory as well. Took me a moment to realise what a splitting maul was - we call them block splitters here :)

6) 9 points Nice semblance. He's like an earth bender from Avatar. Not sure how it ties into his personality though.

7) 3 points The landing strategy is good, but the fighting style is not so much. It doesn't tell me how he fights, just that he's a globe trotter. A lot of that information would have been better off in the personality or background section, to fill in some of the points you missed there. There's some useful parts in the fighting style though, so it's not a complete loss.

Total: 9 + 30 + 24 + 4 + 10 + 9 + 3 = 89 points