Evil Plans/Transcript

In a space of pure whiteness, the giant blocky title and a certain rose emblem drop from the sky to the ground, where the four miniaturized members of Team RWBY pop out from behind it to smile, wave and adopt poses for the audience while an unseen speaker announces the show as: "RWBY CHIBI"!

In the Beacon Academy kitchen, Ruby Rose struggles to open a jar of pickles.

Ruby: Urgh! Open up, jar! Release my tasty pickles!

Sun Wukong strolls over confidently.

Sun: Need some help?

Ruby: (sighs) Fine, but only because I'm starving.

Ruby hands Sun the jar.

Sun: Let me show you how a real man handles this.

Sun struggles for a few moments, but is unsuccessful in opening the jar.

Sun: They sure make the lids tight on these plastic jars.

Ruby: Aww, I guess that means no pickles for me.

Sun: Why don't we ask Yang for help?

Ruby: No! You never ask Yang for help with jars!

Sun: Why not?

Yang Xiao Long comes bounding in.

Yang: My big sister sense is tingling! What's that? A jar of pickles?!

Ruby hides the jar behind her back.

Ruby: Ohh, who said anything about pickles? I don't want any pickles.

Sun: But you said you were starving!

Yang: I knew it! (grabs the jar of pickles) You dare to make my baby sister hungry?!

Ruby dives out of the way and tackles Sun clear of Yang.

Yang: You're going down, jar!

''From off-screen, plates, bowls, potted plants and Zwei go flying around the kitchen, as a roaring, rumbling sound is heard.

Yang: Face... my... fury!

A loud gunshot from Ember Celica is heard, and the lid of the jar comes rolling over, settling in front of Ruby and a very stunned Sun.

Yang: Here you go, sis! All you had to do was ask.

Ruby: Yeah... Thanks.

Yang sticks her hand in the jar to grab a pickle, but her hand gets stuck inside.

Yang: Oh, you just don't know when to quit, do you?

Ruby: Run!!

Sun: (screaming)

Ruby and Sun run away as Yang grins and brandishes her fist at the jar.

''Ominous operatic music plays in Cinder Fall's dorm room. On a whiteboard, under the title " Ultimate Evil Plans ", blueprints of Beacon Academy and Beowolves are pinned up, along with the words "Chaos = Yes Please!", " Hugs = No!" "Grimms = Lots & Lots!" and "Puppies = Probably Not".

Cinder: (evil laugh) My evil plans are all coming together!! Now, we just have to make sure nobody discovers who we really are!

Emerald: Then... Maybe we shouldn't have the evil plans out in the open like that? (gestures to the prominently labelled whiteboard)

Cinder: It's fine! (waves a hand at Emerald dismissively)

At that moment, Ruby and Nora Valkyrie burst into the room cheerfully and start prance around.

Ruby: Hellooo~ new friends!

A shocked Cinder and Emerald hurriedly stand in front of the whiteboard of their evil plans.

Cinder: Not evil!

Ruby: Uhh, what?

Cinder: Nothing! What do you want?

Ruby: We came to invite you to our BFF party! (holds hands with Nora) In which we invite new people we barely know to become our BFFs!

Cinder sticks her tongue out in disgust.

Emerald: (sarcastically) Of course you do.

Nora: Hey, what's this? (points towards the whiteboard)

Cinder: Get away from there!

Cinder jumps and flips the whiteboard around, slamming it down on Emerald's head in the process.

Cinder: It's nothing!

Nora: Really? 'Cause it kinda looks like some elaborate scheme.

Cinder: Well, it's not evil, if that's what you're thinking.

Ruby: Then, uhh, what is it?

Cinder: It's a... recipe! For a cake. For charity. For, uh...

Emerald: Kittens?

Ruby and Nora look at Cinder and Emerald skeptically for a moment.

Ruby: That... sounds... amazing!

Nora: Kitten charity?!? (Ruby and Nora high-five)

Ruby: I knew you guys were BFF material! Oh, you're so nice!

Nora: And totally not evil!

Mercury Black saunters in, casually holding a rocket launcher of some description.

Mercury: What up, evil dudes? Got the Kitten Killer 9000 up and ready to...

Cinder scampers behind the whiteboard and Emerald stands frozen in shock.

''Mercury sees Nora and Ruby standing in the room and stops in his tracks. He looks at them in stunned silence for a moment before slowly backing out of the room the way he came.''

M: O-kay...

Ruby: (completely unphased) Anyway... See ya later, besties!

Ruby and Nora skip out of the room.

Emerald: (turning to Cinder) They're messing with us, right?

''In the Beacon Academy kitchen, Ruby cheerfully puts a cake into the oven and brushes her hands in satisfaction. Weiss pops out from behind Ruby and leans over to her.''

Weiss: What are you doing?

Ruby: Just makin' a cake.

Weiss: Yourself? That's ridiculous. Why don't you just have your cake butler bring you one?

Ruby: (thinks for a moment) Cake butler...?

Weiss: Uhh, yes? That butler in charge of cakes? Of all the butlers, I like him the best.

''A thought bubble appears by Weiss' head. Inside, the cake butler dutifully produces a pink cake topped with a cherry.''

Weiss: You do have one, don't you? We had four back at Atlas.

Ruby: (sighs) Can you just watch my cake for a minute? I'll be right back. (walks off)

Weiss: I don't really do the whole cooking thing? Actually, I don't spend much time in the... "food room"...? at all.

Ruby: It's called a kitchen, Weiss! Just watch the oven.

Weiss looks at Ruby's cake as it bakes.

Weiss: Alright, oven. Don't start any trouble and there won't be any trouble. Hmm, I wonder what all these buttons do.

5 MINUTES LATER

Ruby walks in to find the kitchen drapes on fire and thick black smoke emanating from the oven, while Weiss runs around helplessly in circles.

Weiss: Run away! Run away from the fire!

Ruby quickly uses a fire extinguisher to put out all the fires.

Ruby: I was only gone for five minutes! What happened!?

Weiss: Since when are drapes flammable?

Ruby: Since always, Weiss! Drapes have always been flammable!

''Ruby walks over to the oven and sees that her cake has been burned beyond recognition. She reverently places a sheet on top of it.''

Ruby: (tearfully) Goodbye, my delicious friend. You never had a chance.

Weiss: I warned you, Ruby. This really is your fault, if you think about it.

Ruby: At least help me clean up this mess!

Weiss: Exactly what do you mean by "clean up"?

Ruby seethes with anger, then douses Weiss down with a spray from the fire extinguisher.

Weiss: (shrieks)

Ruby: (sarcastically) Ask your cake butler.

''Ruby walks off. She throws the fire extinguisher back from off-screen, nailing Weiss in the head.''