Thread:Ragna the Bloodedge/@comment-10544474-20140506072150

Day by day these logs come closer and closer to being placed out. I guess, this is the only way I can vent right? Well, in reality, I guess it's a form of sympathy. That I hope someday, somebody will see this and try and comfort me with open arms. I just don't know what I want. Being lost right now is a thing to me, and knowing that I can't be around everyone is painful. I've found new groups, but do they really give me the happiness I need? I'm sated, but, am I happy? True happiness to me is being able to get through this, and learn; however, I can't. I'm not learning, and I'm not any happier than I when I first got banned. I don't expect to be unbanned any time soon, I just...I want to be able to talk to everyone once more. To be able to see your faces, to hear you talk, to see you act idiotic at times, but is that a fate I want to live? A fate where all I do is watch and wait. Time is never an object to me. It's the only friend I have in this deep point of darkness. Hopefully, time will mend this broken heart, even though it's been two months already. I can't get over her, I seriously can't. She's always on my mind from the start of the day to the end of the day, and even though she treats me like a friend, I feel different. She treats me as if I'm nothing, she treats me as if I'm just nobody to her now. Everything we had, it's just a memory. I push her further and further away to escape everything I hated about her, but when really, all I want to do is be with her. My heart to hers, her arms around me and mine around her, her smile...I've messed up several times, and now, I'll never have those things again. I'll never be living in sunlight in those days. Now, all I can do is push her away, saying sorry when I go to far, and none of my actions make it better. Nothing does. All I can do is just live. Live in agony of this life. I'm sorry Ara, Elesis, Hanji, Yuno, Petra, Ragnaka, Lambda, Noel, or Yoko, or whatever you want to go by these days. I truly am, but, nothing I can say will affect you now. You've moved on from that life and on to a new one. As for me, I want to live in the past over and over, even if it costs me my life. I'll be happy then, than I'm now. Thank you my...I can't...Thank you for being there for me when I needed it, and I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to cause you pain and trouble.

~May 6, 2014. 12:21 AM~PST~ 