Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-24573226-20160623204034/@comment-28704817-20160817002529

HazelQuill7445 wrote: Wow, you certainly gave a lot of thought to this and had a story in you to tell.

I think it relies heavily on trope and that it neglected RNJR's actual mission, particulary since there's no mention of what they do to acheive it once they arrive in Mistral. It's a nice way to individually reunite Ruby, Weiss, Blake, and Yang back together. Having Yang's rage turn her into a dragon is cool, and reminscent of C. S. Lewis. Jaune's Semblance comes out of nowhere since he's been given zero attention in the plot so far.

How is Yang supposed to hold a letter or push anyone when she's got no arms?

Once the story turns into Fruits Basket after openly borrowing from Naruto it doesn't feel original or fun anymore. Also, too many mysterious figures.

I'd wondered if the whole thing was going to end up as just a Bumbleby story at the beginning, and yup, it did.

So, I guess those are my thoughts. You did a good job as far as rising action and completing a plot line. I think a Bumbleby fan would enjoy this. Now that you mention the Yang letter thing, I decided that Yue will read her the letter, and Yang will headbutt him to break free. I guess you're right about the Naruto borrowing part. I'll try to think of something. I'll have to think of a way to implement Jaune's semblance earlier in the story, though. I'll also have to think of a way to implement RNJR's actual mission some time as well.

I'll change the letter part.