Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-25343309-20150430230909/@comment-24993958-20150531124847

Madninja324 wrote:

1)  Shiroh Lee 2)  Lux Nostrum 3)  Malachite Tessa 4)  Grenadine Serena 1) Well I’ll give you props for not doing the jumping orphanage cliché, and instead portraying a bad orphanage in a more realistic manner. Not much else I can comment on since his fighting style is so basic…you didn’t even let him use his tail in combat.

2) Shorten the pause interval on her semblance, it is nowhere near powerful enough to warrant a 15 minute reload time compared to the stuff we see on the show.

3) Might want to hide the info about her past…if you do plan on writing about her than anyone that read that has been utterly spoiled…I’d also redesign the mechanics to your semblance a bit so they can be more…gamey, but it looks fine as long as setting up the field has an aura cost.

4) Better explanation on the face please? Saying her face is attractive but not pretty is far to objective, it implies others might find her face attractive but not the rest of the world…which doesn’t work because everyone has a different idea on what that would look like. Her semblance also kind of makes no sense… according to World of god, semblances are tied to aura, they are a “more tangible projection of one's Aura”, you can’t use something with an active effect and NOT have it cost aura…and the one this is a bit of a nitpick but her personality, back-story, fighting style AND semblance do not warrant her having a Joker card as a symbol; her bouts of rebellion where still within her parents expectations, her personality is neither funny or unfunny, sad or happy and her fighting style is completely straight forward, she’s a Jack of diamond as far as I can tell and doesn’t give off the impression that it’s likely to change soon.