Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-25396609-20171116191014/@comment-27447621-20171203042015



I mean, I subscribe more to the "tinker until it clicks" style of writing, but I can try. We're looking for ways to add dimensions to the character as a whole, right? Well I've got a couple suggestions.

Note: these aren't all you can do, and these aren't the be-all-end-all, but these are some things to work with.

First thing to mind is, as Elynwyn said, give the character something else to work off of besides raw vengeance. What you actually want to end up adding is up to you, but a few suggestions may include giving her a lieutenant of some kind (or something) that she interacts positively with, if she's the head of this bandit tribe.

And/or maybe give her an outside hobby, something she does when she's not wreaking vengeance on her foes? People have to unwind sometimes. Everything you've listed about her as a person, from Personality and Backstory to Likes and Dislikes all bounce back to retribution, revenge and justice. What else defines her?

Second, let us feel for Invidia a bit. As it is now, there are hints of this in the backstory with the insinuation that her friends are abandoning her. I mentioned why them just not being on the same team may not be big enough, but it can be played with to make it work. Maybe Invidia's friends grow away from as their time at Beacon goes on, leaving her eager to prove her worth to them by becoming the best. Maybe she's spurred on by some other force to distance herself from her friends to train, only to look around later and realize she's alone. I don't know exactly where you want your character to go, but letting us feel for her and with her may help flush her out a bit.

Now both of these have to be done in moderation and in a way that fits the character, but that's what I can think of at the moment to give your character a bit more presence.

Does that help?