Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-25396609-20150530162910/@comment-25555436-20150606180212

Next....is Maki's OC, Isolde Goldstein (so Norse). First time I read her, she sounded like she had a good chance at winning, but had a fatal flaw that could mark her defeat. Let's see if Maki fixed that.

1)Basic Info:

-Ice Battle, Gold Stone...great, we got a norse Bruce Lee now.

-Aristocrat....is that how they call assholes these days? If so, I should probably update my profile...

-I will assume that "golden runes emanating from her body" is just a bunch of golden words that float around her, considering all Aura seen so far as been shown as "glowing" or at worst "burning" in appearance.

-A golden cross? Like the Christian Church back in the Reinassance? ...that explains everything.

-A good-looking body too....this isn't Beatrice, I hope.

-Wait wait wait..."The Traitor of Humanity"? By the WF? You know, that nickname can mean she betrayed Humanity, which...should actually please the WF. Is she allied with the WF? (Reads background) Oh, she is. (Total score: 19 pts).

2)Appearance:

-Well damn, she's tall. Is she half giraffe, by any chance?

-Blonde, hip-lenght, tied with a ribbon....oh I see now. She's not based entirely on Beatrice, she's also based on that Kitsune from Touhou.

-So she's like Cinder, using a Dust-imbuded dress? Interesting... that phrase on her outfit though. It sounds so emoish...it sounds like a little girl trying too hard to be dark and edgy. Though a bit hilarious in hindsight for me; I've played Dissidia Final Fantasy, and there, Discord did come from Harmony....kinda. Hard to explain. Still, good enough for me.

-Here's one thing I don't understand...you say she wears the accesories in combat, but doesn't in casual moments to "save time"....shouldn't it be the other way around? Wear these accesories when just walking around and not wear them to save time when going to fight? (Total score: 19 pts).

3)Personality and Background....oh great, you did my "4 walls of text for background" style. Thanks man, you just made my job take so much longer...

-Good, you did fix that flaw. I remember it used to say that she was good at heart, but by changing it to "apparently nice" you just brought back the coherence.

-....You made a good job at a Villain OC. If she wins, I got the perfect Victory Fanfare for her.

-Mmm...so an ambitious, arrogant lady that puts on a "Bitch in Sheep Clothing" facade to deceive others and get what she wants, following a "End justifies the Means" belief of extremes so high even Mordin felt more sympathetic, yet acts all bratty and mad if her plans fail for whatever reason. Can't say it's the most original kind of character....but among RWBY OCs, I feel satisfied when saying she is among the most creative. (Personality: 15 pts).

-....I always wonder why rich parents are so damn stupid with raising their children most of the time? No wonder his wife left him.

-....WAAAAAIT A MINUTE. She comes from a rich family, and she had more street smarts than educational knowledge (which, in your own words, she was not very talented in)? What? Even spoiled brats are educated well-enough. I really find that aspect about her somewhat hard to believe, considering her background.

-...So she wants to start a mother-fucking way, For The Lulz? Seriously? ...You know, I find it weird-but-interesting how she went insane and decided to become a sociopathic troll of probably Hazama-proportions (Blazblue). Would make a good villain, though her lack of a good motivation and reasonable explanation for going insane will make her very unsympathetic. (Background: 18 pts).

4)Combat info: If she's like Cinder, it should be simple enough.

-Spellblade? Was it so hard to say "Rune Knight" or "Magic Knight"? (For the n00bz: A spellblade or magic knight is a combination of warrior and mage, or rogue and mage. Armor and magic are not as strong as a warrior's or mage's, but the class makes up for it in pure versatility. Normally a jack of all trades).

-......You have got to be kidding me. The "landing strategy" part refers to, say, if the OC is falling down a great height, what would it do to recover and land safely, like the guys and girls did back in Emerald Forest. Explaining that she does the obvious and walks out of her ship after reaching an airport doesn't count (especially since there's no real strategy in that) is not Landing Strategy. As such, this part stands null (LS: 0 pts).

-Alright, so a fancy rapier cause it looks elegant. Which....does nothing, apparently. Alright, so a set of 5 daggers, each with a different kind of Dust, plus an almost-useless rapier. Can't say it's the most creative weapon(s), but at least she has versatility. And men like that.

You say the runes on her dress act as "conductors"....which sounds pretty unnecesary. For starters, we know Dust can be imbuded in clothes, but we don't know if there's something that amplifies the Dust's energy and can be imbuded in clothes too. Second, we have seen often in the show that you don't really need a conductor of any sort to perform "high-tier spells" with Dust, all you need is focus, Aura and imagination. You don't need a conductor to make hailstorms or big cones of ice using Ice Dust, you just need to focus and use your Aura for it.

So...why the conductors? Even if they existed and could be used, their use seems pretty unnecesary. Especially if she's as strong as young Hunter students, cause Weiss didn't need a conductor to freeze the Nevermore's tail with a big ass ice cone. And she's a young Hunter student. (Weapon(s): 2 pts).

-Semblance: So manipulation of light. Alright, I can see how that can be used to make a laser-of-sorts. Focus enough light and you can burn things to a crisp. However, here's one thing you forgot. You say it works better in dark places because there's no impending source of light, which is true.

But it also would be much weaker, because if a place is dark, it means that the only source of light is either very small, or lacks intensity. Which means, there's too little light to manipulate in said cases. This means that, unless she's always bringing a lantern or is willing to waste some of the Dust in her Fire or Lightning daggers, her Semblance would be less effective in dark places. (Total score: 6 pts)

-Fighting style fits her. She's a Manipulative Bastard, not a Destroyer of whatevers. Though the way you describe it sounds much more like a Swashbuckler or Rogue than an actual Spellblade. Hell, you said it yourself, she can't rely too much on her spells because it takes a lot of Aura and Dust. She depends more on evasion and ripostes, which is what Swashbucklers/Rogues focus on. (Fighting style gets 5 pts, but as it contrasts with her given position/class, she loses 2 pts).

5)Trivia:

-Mmm...being detached from her father because of his whoring and bussines affairs, it would explain why she was never raised better. (+1)

-Based on Eris, goddess of discord and strife who caused a war because she didn't get what she wanted. Fitting enough. From the way you described her, she also has a good apple too... (+2 pts).

-That theme song is cool, though I feel it doesn't quite fit her. Sounds more like for a military commander's during an actual war than for a Manipulative Bitch that wants to start chaos and massacres from the sidelines. But part of it does fit her, being a villainess. The title doesn't fit her much, however. As it is cosmetic, no points here.

Total Score: 19+19+15+18+0+2+6+5-2=64.

Ambitious, like the OC. Aimed high, and personality/background wise you did a good job. But similar to Spirited, you didn't put enough effort into the weapon/Semblance section.

Now, let me take a small break to try to copy-paste something for the first time...