Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-27082610-20160612040111/@comment-27447621-20160615014119

@Sentry

So, I figured; screw it, I'll post my review of your characters now. I went through your characters as they were an hour ago, and here were the questions and problems I saw with Orianna and Nechi. If I didn't address it, I thought it was pretty good.

Overall these are pretty good characters. I'm looking forward to seeing Rozi and Kanachi.

The thing I would like more of is background and a bit more personality on all counts, because I feel like I want to get to know these characters more.

Now, if you've made edits to your post that fix these problems, just ignore what I have to say.

 Orianna Welkin

So, I only vaguely remember this conversation, but I need a reminder. How does the talons-for-feet thing work? does she have claws on the ends of her feet in place of toes? Does she have full-on talons in place of feet? Can you elaborate on that? I know we've done this before, but I don't remember how that worked out, I'm sorry.

For Aura color, "Electric Blue" may be the phrase you're looking for

For face, just describe her facial shape. Look up face shapes on Google, and you should find 6 basic face shapes, Round, Square, long/oblong, heart, diamond, and oval. pick the shape or shapes that fit best the way you envision the character, and put them there.

If she has special shoes, why would her formal attire need to cover her feet if she's wearing shoes?

If she 'plans to go to Aegis", and she's 18, why isn't she at Aegis already? I thought Aegis was to stand in place of Haven, Beacon, Atlas, or Shade Academies, or did she only just find out about Aegis?

A flying character manipulating lightning is dangerous. Lightning as we see it is a 2-way trip, a bolt comes from the clouds to it's target and a bolt goes back to sender, meaning that manipulating lightning as we see it would be dangerous for anyone. I'm not saying you need to change it, but those wings need to be REALLY good at channeling an electric charge away from the user, or Orianna's Aura will take quite a few hits.



 Nechi Mafirati

If he was raised north of Atlas, why wouldn't he go to the Atlas academy?

I think the weapon's short description should describe the size, shape, dimensions, etc of the weapon itself, could you go more into that? I know it's a flail, but can you describe it a bit?

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<p class="p1" style="font-weight:normal;">Overall, I think those are both pretty good characters, though I do have to ask; if these two are on the same team, I don't see how Orianna is going to be able to go to Aegis; her 250-pound Polar Bear Teammate would have to bring himself up to the floating school; if he doesn't do his share of the work he can't get in. Something you may want to give some thought to...

<p class="p1" style="font-weight:normal;">Again, Ignore advice on things you've already changed and tell me what you added and I can give you my two cents on those.