Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-25936766-20170228175626/@comment-25936766-20170314035133

First of all, so I don’t forget:

Basic Info=10

Appearance=10

Backstory=20

Personality and dis/likes=10

Relationships=5

Rest of trivia=5

Weapon=10

Semblance=15 ->Reflection of Personality=5, the rest=10

Combat Info=5

First: Maki Kuronami and Noche….Luningning……Looneengneeng….

'''1-Basic Info=10pts. '''

Nothing really wrong here…..but now I understand what they meant when they said that words sound cool except in your language. “Noche”….really doesn’t sound as cool to me as it might sound to you.

I’ll take note of the nickname….Nolu. Which I assume was meant as some sort of mix of her 2 names, but in practice it sounds more like some Hawaiian stuff.

Also, with the team’s name….since you guys at times love to pester people with “most cases of X are Y, so all X are Y” arguments, I’ll let you note, all team acronyms so far are in English. All English words. Funkie, Auburn, Stark, Ruby, Juniper, and so on.

I’ll ignore that shit because it kills creativity, but just noting.

'''2-Appearance: 8pts. '''

-“Physique bordering on malnourished”….but she’s 22.2 in the BMI calculator. Almost 4 points away from underweight. She’s at the “normal, healthy” level.

-The dress….”from red to teal, left to right, starting from the front”…..from what I understood, you meant that it starts to fade into teal starting at some point in the front? Also ohmygod straw sandals, first time I see an OC with them since almost forever.

-For the working outfit….you say “farmer’s hat”….define “farmer’s hat”. A farmer’s hat for me is a straw hat. In fact, as a future note, “farmer’s clothes” for me is basically Luffy’s entire outfit down to the exact same colors.

I’m no expert but I’m sure farmers in different countries didn’t all (always) wear straw hats.

--- --

'''3.1-Background: 11pts. '''

….To be honest, I’ve never had the…highest valoration for Filipinos. I’ve seen people stereotyping them as idiots everywhere, and while I WANT for that to be false, so far I haven’t seen one that has proved them sufficiently wrong….

-…And your Noche is no exception. I could tolerate everything up to the Creep, with the “met a Creepy Creep, TRAUMATIZED” somewhat less, especially since kids actually traumatize far less than adults can (long term). But going to the forest ANYWAY in spite of the increasing Grimm activity, and almost getting killed by doges afterwards, was just stupid.

Especially since if she was traumatized by a Creep, which she found in the forest, the logical following response (for a traumatized kid) would be for her to not go to the forest again, out of fear of finding another Grimm.

And her parents grounding her for just 1 month afterwards, also stupid, but I guess “sympathy for the victim” was partially in place.

-The “reasoning” behind her becoming a Huntress is also…somewhat weak. “I don’t want to run away anymore”, fine….but it doesn’t mean “I’ll become a Huntress”, it just means “I want to learn how to defend myself”. It might work for a kid, but there’s the fact her father agreed….

Some progression could’ve helped; first she goes to a combat school to learn how to fight, and after graduating decides to continue all the way. Feels more…logical? Reasonable?

-Around her father’s death, alright, she cut down a dozen mook Grimm in angrish….and not a single mention of her mother.

-…Wait a moment. Are you telling me, that until Tsubaki told her, Noche had barely any idea of what was going on with stuff involving the “Faunus Rights” (which I assume means White Fang?)? And she never noticed because her trait could be easily hidden? What, did she never mention her race at any moment in all her years in Mistral? In Higanbana?

…Actually, what does having an easily-hidden trait have to do with being (un)aware of what’s going on with anything involving “Faunus Rights”?

And then she starts using detached sleeves to show her feathers “as a token of their friendship”….even though she seemingly didn’t care much about such things before, and doesn’t need to do that to show that she cares either.

-…Wait, how did she go from “got on an airship” to “stranded in the middle of Vale”? Not all ships were shot down by Roman, not all ships had the AKs go crazy inside them. Some actually managed to leave, you know…

First you tell me “she’s on a ship”, then you tell me “she’s in Vale somewhere”. There must be a middle segment.

-“Tsubaki and Aurus were killed by haywire Atlesian Knights and Paladins”…now I see why they lost the first round.

-I find it interesting how you mentioned when she developed a “hatred for Grimm” and “for Atlas”, yet apparently she never developed anything of note regarding Crowley. Like when he abandoned his allies, instead of standing and fighting, maybe saving one of his teammates. Because deserting during a crisis is fine, right?

This isn’t Tales of Xillia for that kind of apparent silly forgivement…

Also, a small note: At times the background veers more towards “Personality” instead of actual background.

'''3.2-Personality: 10pts. '''

Personality is fine, though what you placed in her Misc. Traits section….does not improve my pre-stated opinion.

That said, the bits in her backstory, like how she loved the forest, or how she was a forever alone by choice amongst the other kids, would’ve been much more fitting here.

'''4.1-Relationships: 3pts. '''

-There’s….astonishingly little about her father, considering how important he (well, his death) is. No mention about their relationship. Though at least there’s some about the mother…scolded her for every little thing…yet only for 1 month after she did commit a major infraction that could’ve killed her. Seems legit.

-Her relationship with Aurus was also developed in the background, though after reading this I can only draw 2 conclusions about the others: 1) Noche barely gave a damn about Crowley, and 2) Her relationship with Tsubaki is close, deep, emotional, significant… and shallow. (Really, by virtue of race? Not anything else?)

Some more matter about Crowley and Tsubaki, or at least Noche’s relationship with them, would’ve been better. Tsubaki herself feels like a dot in a Cartesian plane.

'''4.2-Trivia: 5pts. '''

-Just a note: “Bosque” = Forest. “Selva” = Rainforest, more specifically. Though at times it’s used as a synonym of “Jungla” (guess what it means), and depending on the case, of Bosque.

-I assume Crowley has nothing to do with Alestier Crowley? I assume Nester isn’t supposed to allude to Nestle?

-Atelier….that’s the game where girls powered up by undressing, right?

-You know…you should’ve given the name Lambana to Crowley. Really. Wasted chance for perfect irony.

5-Weapon: 3pts.

–Okay, first of all, I know next to nothing about PSO2…I can’t understand Japanese and SEGA is full of assholes who don’t want to release the damn thing in English, so I haven’t played it. So I got 0 idea what the hell is a Talis.

-…A gun mechanism…to shoot Spells? …What? How the heck does that even work, how is that even possible? Weiss at least just uses her weapon to aim her Semblance and Dust tricks if not focusing the Dust on her blade.

And if she can perform Dust Spells…why the heck would she need a gun mechanism to fire them? Just “Wave hand, whoosh, fireball”, and done.

-I don’t quite get what you mean by “Dust Amplifier”, but I imagine it’s similar to Illya’s lightsaber-drill-whip thing, in that it produces some sort of Dust laserwhip? Or is it something like Weiss’s Myrtenaster’s blade?

-“An entire Dust vial’s worth in a single battle”…what do you mean? Fighting 2 mooks is a battle. Fighting a dozen is a battle. Fighting a Goliath or a Taijitu is a battle. They may have varying difficulty, but they are battles nonetheless.

-Can use 1 Dust-in-crystal form, for a high-level spell…but one-time use, wasting the Dust completely? Sounds just plain noobish, and not a problem with the weapon, but with the user. We know people can use Dust in crystal form to perform spells, and we know that just like with powder-form Dust using a high-level “spell” with one, won’t leave it wasted in one go.

Or are you telling me she always, always, ALWAYS, goes all Megumin on her enemies anytime she grabs one?

6-Semblance: 8pts. (out of 10, remember)

–The Grudge……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….you serious bro….?

-The ability in itself is fine, but the limitations just make me say “what?”. Why can’t it be used in the air, why can’t it block shots, why do Aura users take less damage…the bit of the “Paladin Punch shatters shield” would be gradually made null through training.

-Mmm…T1 reflects back twofold, that’s 200% of the original damage. T2, if used on an ally, that reflection is decreased by almost 60%....as in, now it reflects 140% of the original damage? Or 60% of 200% (IOW: 120% of the original damage)?

-Reflection of Personality: 3pts. (out of 5) …I know Semblances can be based on just 1 aspect of the character’s general personality, but…”Bears grudges” > “Counter-shield” is…missing something in the way.

-….I’d like to know how “Curses whoever bring harms to forests and mountains” led you towards “bears heavy grudges”.

Total: 11pts 

7-Combat Info: 3pts

-Wait…skid through a tree or building? ….Skid? ….THROUGH?

-Wouldn’t it be a better idea to use Lightning at long distance too? I mean, a lightning bolt is fast and relatively accurate as a spell. More than Wind at least.

-Wait…”her blade gains properties when Dust is infused on it”…is that what you meant by Dust Amplifier? So, something like Myrtenaster?

That makes the idea of Fire Dust making it become similar to a fire shortsword make sense….not so much the idea of it becoming a laserwhip with Lightning instead of just a shocking blade…….and the idea of Wind Dust making it invisible makes 0 sense to me. I mean, for starters, it’s WIND, not light.

Or did it mean that it produces a second “invisible” blade? Which doesn’t entirely make sense to me but it’s at least higher in the scale.

-So, in the end…..she is Megumin…

10+8+21+8+3+11+3 = 37+27 = 14 + 50 = 64pts. out of 90. 2/3.