Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-25396609-20171116191014/@comment-27447621-20171121155332

Ngraceland wrote: So here we go, first pass. Need some feedback

1) Basic Info

Name: Sapphire Black

Ask and ye shall recieve.

First of all, if you're using this character for a story or something, the surname of "Black" may not be the best idea, because people might see that and think "Oh, so she's related to Mercury?" And if that's not your intention, that may not be the best thing. If you're not doing anything with this character, that surname should be fine.

Emblems are just one color. It sounds to me like you're using at least two; one for the shadow and one for the cape background.

Generally, it's a good idea to include at least a paragraph or two on the character's backstory, rather than just 2 sentences. What led her to becoming a volunteer soldier? Why is that phrase written on her glove, and who wrote it there? She seems to have been in combat before (what with the burn and lightning scars), what was she fighting for then? At what age did she become a volunteer soldier? What happened to her real family? These were all, at least in my opinion, questions that should be answered. And even if there were no questions, a flushed-out backstory helps develop the character as a whole, at least in my experience.

Your Weapon and Semblance look all right to me, but I am inclined to ask a couple questions. One, as a soldier, why didn't Atlas teach her how to fire a standard-issue Atlas Military Rifle? And two, does she do anything for close-range, or does she subscribe to the Green Arrow school of close-range combat i.e. 'smack opponent with bow'?

How long had she been a Soldier before she was kicked out? I find it a bit tough to believe that a 15-16 year old is a) trusted enough and b) skilled enough to lead a recon squad of supposedly older and more experienced soldiers.