User blog:Runato/Considering Taking a Break.

It's just me considering it right now, not actually leaving at this moment.

There's been so much drama for me, both inside and out. There's been those times where I was happy to see it, and the next, looking away or becoming really angry or sad with it. I get jealous, I get envious, I get fears, I make lies..

I have my problems with stalkers, following me wherever I go cause they love me or stuff like that when I don't have that same kind of feelings, and trying to blackmail me with the guilt of their suicide or their friendship.

I don't want to feel like I'm monitored every single step that I take, I want to be able to speak openly in chat.

I don't want to feel ignored all the time, I just wanted to chat friendly whenever I PM you.

I don't want to feel dumb cause I can't make a piece of artwork, or I'm not as good at a video game as others, or I can't make as good of an OC Profile as anybody else.

I don't want to get angered just cause of something like a video game, even though I've practically dedicated my entire life to them.

I don't want to feel envious or jealous of somebody else cause they just simply talked  in one conversation with somebody I care about, and I get afraid of losing them at all.

I don't want to be afraid of speaking my feelings out and then have that person's image of me get screwed up because of it.

I don't want to bow down to this pain, not at all..

I have my problems with taking people's words to heart lately when they try to cheer me up, cause things happen repeatedly that make me into a skeptic.

It was like that with one of my exes, a vicious circle of repetitive pain, just endlessly repeating itself over and over again. Come back to her, get hurt again, leave, come back, get hurt, leave...

What do I do? I stood up to this same pain many times before, and I guess my mental tolerance is very low compared to others, cause it's just repeating over and over again to the point where my mind is near the breaking point. I want to stay, maybe my mood will get better instantly like it has been before whenever I made "exile blogs" like this one back when I joined.

Will anybody even notice this blog to begin with? That's actually something I'm curious about..Please respond if you do then....I'll just be sitting here on my chair contemplating.