Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-24534644-20160802001817/@comment-24534644-20160824052031

Aaaallllrighty. Next up on our list if victims is Maki Kuronami, with their OC Marron Lancaster.

Basic Info: 14/15. Oh joy, another wolf faunus... lol jk. No points taken off for that, I actually think you found quite a clever way to tie in the theme to her faunus heritage without breaking the faunus rules. Everything checks out here, but the one point that got docked is because I can't for the life of me figure out why this chick is named Lancaster. So far as I can tell, all possible meanings of the name have absolutely nothing to do with theme, or wolves, or scorpions, or anything really. The first name followed the CNR protocol, so no worries there. It's just that last name I can't make sense of. Would've been better if there'd been an explanation for it down in the Notes section, but as it is... meh.

Appearance: 20/20. Oh jeebus, belts. Belts belts and more belts. Can't have enough belts. Exaggeration aside, I like the look. There was that initial urge to look away from the wolf faunus with a ton of red in the design, but it passed quickly in the wake of recognizing an actual reason for it and lack of edginess. All the details check out. You did forget to put down anything for the Work Outfit piece, but seeing as multiple outfits beyond the basic one are optional anyways, I won't dock points for it. Just remember not to do that in the future, for the other contests that aren't lenient on that sort of thing.

Characteristics: 27/30. Uuummm.... okay. So, for the record, "Background" does not equal "entire life story", XD. Seeing as she's a student, you were really just supposed to where she came from, what her family life was like, and how she became a Huntress. Things beyond that weren't necessary at all. I certainly won't dock points for it (after all, I'm no stranger to going overboard in the Background section myself sometimes), but just know what we don't need THAT much detailed play-by-play information.

Now as for the background itself, it was good, but there were some things that bugged me. Now I'm not sure how things are for faunus in Vacuo, but I can't imagine they're great in comparison to the rest of the world. I assume this might be why there is such an emphasis on the family needing to find work. That being said, I can't help but find it odd that a restaurant was chosen. It's far too easy in my mind's eye to visualize people seeing a faunus working at a human-run restaurant and thinking "ugh, not going in there, might get dog hair in my food". That's pretty minor though, just a personal observation. Another thing is her being an apparent perfect genius in school what with near-perfect grades and then top-tier performance in combat school. Again, this is minor, as there are always cases of kids performing much better than their peers, but it would have been good to mention any particular reason why she excelled so much as opposed to saying "she just does". Her personality fits the chesen theme and the character archetype well enough, and it's interesting in its own right. The Like/Dislikes, though, do absolutely jack-all for th character. Really, you couldn't think of anything besides foods for the Likes? That would make sense if thematically she were obsessed with food, but her only relation to food is her pre-student occupation, so it comes off as weird and random.

Trivia: 5/5. Relationships look good. Again, the point of the Notes section is to add points to other areas, so try to remember that in the future.

Weapon: 8/10. A bit simple, but simple works. Personally I have difficulty envisioning how the pistols "combine", but other than that they seem good. Having the pistols be so poorly-suited to her early on also seems like a very odd choice. There's always the opportunity to improve them, yes, but "improve" doesn't necessarily require them to not be optimized appropriately from the get-go. (Another thing, you mentioned Wind Dust ammo that triples the impact power at the cost of reduced lethality. You do realize that a bit part of a bullet's lethality comes from how hard it hits something, yes? If the impact-strength of a bullet is enough to, say, break bones, that makes it pretty darn lethal.)

Semblance: 7/10. Considering this the theme here is Scorpio, I was surprised that the Semblance had nothing to do with poison or corrosion or anything like that. I find the Semblance itself to be very interesting and potentially useful in a variety of scenarios, though I'm pretty certain that "overhealing" doesn't result in the body internally exploding... Furthermore, I don't quite see how the Semblance fits the character. A big part of Semblances is that they should match or reflect part of the character's personality in some way. Yes, she's loyal to her friends, but the same can be said of a huge number of OCs, and loyalty does not necessarily denote being a caretaker. If there was indeed a connection to her personality, it should have been explained in the Notes section of the Semblance.

Combat Info: 7/10. For the most part it's good. A slight issue with the landing strat is that, even with handcannon recoil, she'd still be hitting the ground pretty hard (they can't have the same level of recoil as something like Crescent Rose after all). I'm also not a fan of the "only uses this one ability of theirs as a last resort because it's OP" device, even if it does apply to a reasonable degree. In general, it's a very poor excuse, both practically and story-wise (if you're in a fight for your life, and you have this ability at your disposal that can give you an easy win, you shouldn't wait until you have no other options to use it. And if the writer has to put this limit on the character because the power is too strong, then that power shouldn't be there in the first place). Nevertheless, I DO understand not wanting to go around wantonly blowing up peoples' body parts (still iffy on the logic behind that), so it gets a pass. The real downside here is saying that she's unskilled fighting against Grimm... which happen to be the one thing that Hunters are SUPPOSED to be fighting against. I understand that her fighting style is tailored for people with rational thinking minds, but she's a Huntress; she's expected to fight these creatures, and she's expected to adapt her fighting style for them, not other people.

Overall Point Total: 88. The character is good, and there's plenty of info, but IMO it needs some touching up and in a few areas.