Thread:Lambda-11/@comment-10544474-20140101080338

Ragnaka, I don't want to start this New Years Day off bad, but I just have to say this. This is the only way I can relieve myself of my pain and guilt in our relationship. I'm sorry, but everything I say from now on is true. Ragnaka, every time we talk, you kill me. You kill my heart every time. It's because of your skills in every thing. When we first dated, I was happy because I finally met someone, and all I wanted to do is make you happy. That was my goal. As time went by, I found out that you were smarter and better than me in many things. You're smarter than me in school, better than me in gaming, better than me in physical activity, better than me in drawing, and you even have skills I don't even have, the one I can name now is coding. Your grades are always As. You never fail to pass, and you never falter from your best. I'm different. I get Cs and Bs and As sometimes, and I'm never trying my best, because that's me. Yet, that's my mentality. You have the mentality of your best at all times, and it kills me how we're so different. When we game, you're better than me. Your fingers are faster, your senses of rhythm are better, and you just do everything faster than I do. You always kick my ass when we play against each other, or when we play on the same team, you always prove top dog over me every time, and I thought I was a good gamer, but I'm wrong. I'm shit. I started rock climbing a few months back, it was during the summer, and when I started off I loved it. I'm starting to get good at it, well, I'm doing V1s now if I can. Then I look at you, and you're tricking, you're doing things I can't do, and it shows to me that I'll never be near your level. I took art class when I was in 7th grade, and I think I was okay. Yet, I never had great instinct to draw. My last project was just to draw anything in pencil, and I drew the cover of Okami. It was simple and easy, because the design was basically paint brush, and I drew it in pencil. Then, you showed me your own drawing, and I knew there was a distance between us. Your instincts to draw are better than mine, and all I am is just a shit artist. Then, we have computer tech, specifically coding. This is a skill I don't have. I don't even know what's coding. How do I code? What do all these numbers mean? And you're able to answer these questions for me. I always thought that Grif was the best at this kind of stuff, but throughout the time we've spent together, I want myself to believe that you're on his level or maybe even better. Was Flora right in thinking that you were Yoko...I don't know, you could be lying to me this entire time, but I won't know until I actually see you. Then, there's the fact that I have to deal with and it's just you're rich as shit. Ragnaka, you're living the good life, and you practically have everything you need. You're great in everything and you practically have everything you need...And then I look at myself. I have no great skill. I'm not efficient in anything, and I always end up failing one way or another. To me, you're a beautiful princess who lives without fault, and I'm just a lowly, ugly peasant, trying to survive on the crumbs of society. Then, there's the fear I've had for a while. A fear that you would be given power in chat. Power of a chat mod. I don't know if you would get it some day, but you seem like you know it. Yet, does this mean that I myself will be happy knowing that you're a chat mod? No. If you were given power, I wouldn't know. You'd be better than me once more, and you'd have the ability to put me down whenever you'd feel like it if I ever made you sad or angry. Even if that never happened, I wouldn't know. I feel like people change if they're given power. For you, I don't want you to be given any power. I want you to stay as you are. I don't have a big reason to support this, but only "It's how I am." Ragnaka, you're a stronger, better, smarter person that I will ever be. I'm weaker, worse, and a less intelligent person than you. Sometimes, I wonder if you really do love me. I wonder if you're sometimes better off dating someone else, and it kills me. ...Do you hate me? Do you despise me in any way? What do you hate about me? ...A few days ago, someone told me in chat about how shit I am. I don't remember the exact words, but to me I was just basically told I'm shit. They told me when you would realize that I'm just a shit person, and would just dump me. When I look back on that argument, I realize that he's right. I'm shit. I'm a horrible person, and I sometimes say to myself, "I don't deserve to even be living". It hurts so much, knowing that I'm so different, and everything I do is just antagonistic. It hurts so much knowing that we're so different, and yet we're in love. We're in love...We're in love...Ragnaka...I love you. I love you because you make me happy. Everytime we talk together about things, you know what to say to me. You make me happy, whenever we're not talking about games, coding, school, physicality, and even art. When I hear your words, you make me happy. When I see your face, you make me smile. When we kiss, I want to lay in bed with you until the end of time. Ragnaka...That moment when you did that...I thank you over and over...I want to be able to do things that will make you feel happy, pleasured, enlightened. I want us to be connected and tied together. Your arms around me, my arms around you, your lips against mine, my lips against yours. I want to be with you forever...But then I look back at everything that's different about us and you kill me. Ragnaka...I'll love you forever. I'll wait until you come back to L.A. and when we meet, I want to do everything with you. I'll live with these pains of mine day after day, waiting for you, because I love you. Please...I just want to know that you'll love me, and never leave me. If you've lied to me before, please tell me the truth now. I don't want to be treated like the others, I want to be treated in a special way. I don't know, but I just wanted to be given benefits from you. Call me selfish, but it's because you're the closest person to me. If I could spend the rest of my life with only one person, it would be you. Ragnaka, as long as you're standing beside me, I don't care about anyone else. I love you. I trust you with my entire heart and its yours. You're my entire world and I want to spend eternity with you. Don't leave me...Please... My new year's resolution is to make you happy, even if it means that I have to increase my pain infinitely, I'll do it, as long as you're happy. Happy new years, Ragnaka. I love you. What about you? KVBy1YfIz3Y  