Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-30530552-20180502010142/@comment-30530552-20180528150810

Speaking of the first entrant, our first entrant is first-timer Erintheviolist with her character Emmy Lee Goldwin. Here's how you did.

Basic Info - 8/10 Points - CNR’s in order, though I feel like her emblem could’ve been described better, despite the presence of the necklace (with what I assume is her emblem) visually depicted. Interesting team name (had to look ahead for it and look up what “Edelweiss” was). As a general note, to keep things fair for non-artistic folks, your drawings will be treated closer to recovery or extra points for certain sections, if applicable.

Appearance - 20/20 Points - All of it seems in order. Drawing really helps.

Backstory - 14/20 - Okay, so we’ll start with the first part of it. While the actual sequence of events makes sense, one normally does it as a general description of their life and not the play-by-play that you did, so that’s gonna cost a couple points. I also have a few questions: was there actually any reason for that White Fang attack (for purposes of my information, not the inhabitants)? What happened to the boy she protected? (EDIT: You explain this later.) And if Elly is a trained Huntress herself, did she manually drop her Aura to teach Emmy how to do the wound healing? If not, there’s an inconsistency there. We’re also not aware of what Haven’s actual initiation process is, so it’s as good as any interpretation, but still feels a bit outside the realm of possibility. Overall, it’s pretty solid and runs smoothly in terms of sequencing, just how it was written was off.

8/10 - Personality’s in good order, though I feel it could’ve used slightly more detail on how it actually affects her. Dislikes are a bit nonspecific, but pretty standard and make sense for her.
 * Characteristics Overall - 22/30 - Not bad.

Trivia - 3/5 - Faunus with two traits are not canonically possible as of this point. This would be more of an issue if Dorian was the character in question, but it does answer an earlier question, so I’ll overlook that for the moment. Next question...what war exactly would Willy have served in…with the current timing of the series and their presumed age of 17? I also assume at the end there you mean that Emmy thinks Starlett’s a bit cuckoo, but it’s unclear. The superhero allusion is, thankfully, quite clear, so that salvages this a bit. This portion could’ve used a bit more detail in terms of the relationships. Some of the other information (like allusions and such) are intriguing. CNR for other characters could’ve been mentioned, but I’ve found something for most of them, so you’re fine there.

Weapon - 9/15 - How she uses it makes sense, although I’m not quite sure I understand how it transforms to fit inside a small backpack (you probably could’ve mentioned the backpack in the appearance section too). I would also think it’d be extraordinarily heavy, so...while the show doesn’t hit that aspect as much, her shoulder should probably be dead by now.

Semblance - 14/15 - Ability makes sense and is (for the most part) properly balanced; simple but effective. Ties into the character allusion and personality as well, which is nice.

Combat Info - 4/5 - I’m not sure how “behind-the-scenes” machine gun fire and rockets would be, but I digress...for the most part it’s all in order here.

Day to Day - +2 Recovery Points - While the section itself doesn’t earn you any extra points, two of your drawings were useful in visualizing the character (your drawing of Emmy by herself, and the one with her weapon; Semblance was easy enough to visualize), so you will be earning points for those. I won’t offer more than that to be fair to everyone else.

8 + 20 + 14 + 8 + 3 + 9 + 14 + 4 28 + 22 + 12 + 18 50 + 30 = 80 points + 2 Recovery = 82

Total: 82 points As a first time entrant, this is a very good score to start, so no matter how this turns out, you should be proud, as you didn’t even need the buffer points for first-timers with scores of 70 or below.