Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-25229725-20150128010644/@comment-25857155-20150209072738

Ninja, you have the same issues with the rest of your team KROW. They are overdone, for the most part. Your characters are not ones with whom most people can relate. Emotionally dark and angry, emotionally empty, evil bitch, and one who's ok at best. Not a good foundation for a team. Your characters seem to be angry at the world for no good reason, and half of them are experimented on by an organization you haven't explained at all. I'm not trying to tear your characters apart, just trying to bring you down to earth a bit, y'know?

Also, they ALL have some kind of tragic backstory, and let that rule who they are now. Yes, my characters have a bit of darkness in their own histories, but nothing that bad, or at least not that they reacted to that badly. Take Celeste (previously Kayla; I changed all the names to fit the CNR - good job on that point, btw!). Despite growing up in an orphanage and having her Faunus ears mutilated and later surgically removed, she remains a cheerful individual, and is in no way afraid or angry at Humankind for doing it to her.

Point is, your characters follow only emotional responses. Even your brainwashed, emotionless assassin (Blade and Soul, anyone? Or perhaps, Noir?) follows emotional-based reactions. You make no mention at all of key points of your characters' personalities, like what they are interested in or what drives them to do what they do. How do they act in various situations? How do they compare against the other teams? How are their semblances limited to be realistic? Why do most of your OC team members have at least two weapons, when almost everyone else only has one weapon or one matched set of weapons?

To summarize, stop trying to make "cool" characters, and start trying to make interesting and believable characters. Most people, when they see an OC, want to see someone they can actually picture being in Remnant in the place they are written, acting the way they are acting, for the reasons they do so. Think, "what would Monty have made of this?"

On a side note, it still hurts my soul to write anything about Monty in past tense.