Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-25857155-20150213020036/@comment-24857712-20150215014430

JayHart wrote: Yeah, Baja, it sounds like you tried to cram an entire OC team into one overdone character. Tone it down a lot. If you need references for good character builds, check the old OC thread - there are some good ones there, and examples of bad ones (the list of which currently includes yours, no offense). I also realize it can be difficult to write someone who is in a different age group than you, but 14 is a bit young for college, which is what Beacon is after all, and it has been made clear that Ruby is something of a special case. If you're going to have him be 14, you may want to leave him at Signal for a while, y'know?

Yeah, that whole voice thing sounds like a semblance of its own. Also, where the heck did this ridicukous-seeming Ripper Project come from? It's too much, man. You didn't even explain who did the project to TRY and make it passable. Also, regardless of what DNA a Faunus may have, we have not seen a single Faunus with aspects of more than one animal. Oh, speeking of Aspect, we were referring to any Faunus traits they may have - clothing goes in the Outfits jurisdiction, I believe.

We're not trying to tear you apart or say you shouldn't write - far from it. We - well, I at least ;) - want you to write more.  However, you need to write more believably.  Yes, it's fantasy/sci-fi/fiction, but you can at least try and follow the rules of Remnant. hmmm you seem to be right,i'm a bit lazy to explain but i based the Ripper project from the cases of Jack the Ripper himself and Raiden from  Metal gear Rising.His Ripper appearance is based from Tokyo Ghoul's Kaneki ken while he also goes nuts.His Fire is almost never used though and his weapon is much harder to use but Carmine just learns by instict so what i mean by dual wielding is that Carmine has a habit of literally throwing his scythe at an opponent,while  he's going to recover it he'll have to depend on his CQC and a side arm,that's when the 7 shot comes in.oh and i'm also trying to balance Blood as well,by giving it a scene where it breaks.The reason i gave him the name Carmine is because i wanted my Oc team to literally mix with the real cast in my fanfictions.The sound tho...it's just complicated,it's not actually a semblance though but it's more of an after effect of the Project.Oh and the reason he's 14 and in Beacon........he looks like a 17 though and is sensible enough for leader duty(despite his dslike to it)

Actually i based my oc's  around me With Carmine representing my loner nature,always haunted by the past,(although the cruel dad part was not real of course) emotionally sensitive but he can make a good friend,the familly i based was real (i'm the youngest,but as said above my dad wasn't cruel)

So if you need you can ask more questions,i don't mind it helps