Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-25396609-20160319212213/@comment-24993958-20160329193733

Malcolm Neill wrote: Okay i will revist his backstory at a later date and make changes, Changed it Ok, so round 2...and this time I'll be as thorough as i can.

Malcolm Neill wrote: -Name: Giada Fabeldyr (Fake Name: Vert Dracos)

Non story problems:

Double...make that triple  faunus  traits sort of violate canon. No canon faunus have 2 or more traits from their animals…and no, Blake’s eyes don’t count; all big eyed character in RWBY has oval pupils, Faunus or otherwise. Pick the tongue or pick the eyes or pick the skin, and drop the rest.

Speaking of…no to the dragon scar. For one, a scar is a mark left on the skin after a surface injury or wound has healed…this is NOT something he can get by accident to resemble a dragon. For another, you probably meant birth mark, which is even less likely than someone taking a knife and drawing a dragon on someone’s back.

Story problems:

…clean up the grammar here would you? Provided I’m reading this right…well things sort of went like this:


 * joined the white fang pre crazy at 7 with his sister;


 * sister got mad when the WF got mad and tries to kick her brother out of it on their first lethal mission;


 * the bro misses the memo he’s going to a lethal mission (since he tries to be a hunter later because the wf where nice guys)…one has to wonder what was he even DOING there in the first place, unless you think Adam was going to send him there as a meat shield…during the mission he get’s shot in the shoulder and falls on his head;


 * sis drags him out thinking that the wf and the schnee will think he’s dead…I’m assuming she was low ranking enough they just assumed she died as well otherwise this has no hope in hell of working;


 * gives her unconscious bro to 2 random parents that were conveniently impotent and talked them into lying to his bro that she was now part of the violent side and would murd…ok how much of a naïve dumbass do you take your oc for?

Unless I’m reading this wrong he was so blissfully unaware he didn’t notice the gradual change of the wf, and you expect someone like that to be so naïve he would trust 2 random strangers words that her sister is evil? He’d run towards her the first chance he got and ask her to explain herself, brutally ruining her sisters plan and likely get them both killed.