Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-26397825-20161030235452/@comment-26397825-20161107083716

Well, first up is Arkantos95 and Cobalt Luminos.

1) 10 points Lol. 'Make' Typo on the gender. I just imagined someone sitting there trying to make up their own perfect gender every morning.

2) 20 points I'm...not certain on the aura changing colour like that. I mean, Pyrrha's turns black when she uses her semblance, but when she's just focusing it it's the standard red that we know she has. Ah, checking lower tells me it is the activation cue for his semblance. No points lost then! ^.^

3) 20 points Whereabouts is this Guild based? Obviously near Vale, but you don't say whether it was in the Kingdom or outside it's protective reach. Oh, here we are, in the extended section. War-era fortress. Rightyo, no points lost for that. The bandit clan attack on the fortress sounds alright, including the injury to his father,  but what about the aftermath? I would assume that from such a large bandit attack that then went on to attract Grimm the fortress would be seriously damaged, but there's no mention of the Band moving to a new fortress or struggling to rebuild that one whilst also repelling any recurring attacks or Grimm incursions that would normally occur in the aftermath of such a battle.

Do they only accept jobs from the one percenters? It seems a little odd to me that you specifically point that out in the backstory, but make no mention of perhaps accepting jobs from the lower income earners elsewhere.

He doesn't like combative people, but runs a mercenary guild? That doesn't make much sense. Do you perhaps mean he doesn't like argumentative people instead?

4) 2 points A bit more expansion on the relationships would be nice. Does he adore his wife, or do they argue a lot? Does he still get on with Ammaranth, or have they split since the days of sparring matches and no longer talk? Does he feel proud of his daughter, or does he want her to change her ways before he'll let her inherit? Also, there is mention of multiple children in various sections, most notably the weapon section, but only one child is listed. What about the other child?

5) 14 points Heh. Perfect reason to make a weapon; because you like them. Fairly standard weapon, suits his age. Perhaps you could list the types of dust he likes to use with it, though.

6) 14 points I remember this semblance. I still don't see any problems with it. Would be interesting to see at least a few dust interactions though.

7) 7 points It all makes sense given the other information. No mention of the dust he uses though, or how he incorporates it into his style.

Bonus Halloween points: Well...I guess he is a cat. Cats are things people dress up as for Halloween? 1 point

Honest Question: What is he a prodigy in? I see a mention of him having great aptitude for the arts of war and diplomacy but...that's extremely vague. And only great aptitude? I have a great aptitude for gymnastics being naturally flexible, but I'm not a prodigy at it as it requires more than just aptitude. I'm left honestly confused as to how he's a prodigy instead of just a guy who had very good tutors from a young age and studied well. -10 points.

Total: 78 points