Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-25396609-20161001000406/@comment-25396609-20161013025938

Blaine Arktos Clancy by Cyrania de Bergerac

1) Basic info

Nothing wrong or especially breathtaking, but I’m going to give you an extra point because i have a dirty mind and find the tongue thing hillarious: +1 point

Subtotal: 10/10

Overage: +1 point

I assume you meant honeycomb, because hexcomb is a type of cardboard: -1 point

Outfit is incredibly boring, could have made up for the plain-ness with some accessories or unique style: -1 point

Subtotal: 18/20

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">3) Characteristics:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">-Background:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Boring, pretty typical adoption story: -1 point

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Still super boring and generic: -1 point

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">No given time frame for any of this, how old the two of them were, etc: -1 point

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">No name for the school, influential teachers, or even information about how they specialized?: -1 point for lack of information

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">No information about their initiation: -1 point for lack of information

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Work well how? Do they complement each other? Overlap skills enough to overpower the enemies? Contrasting skill sets?: -1 point for lack of dynamic or personality

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Docking one more point because he never undergoes any form of character development or hardship: -1 point

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">You’re banking way too heavily on the source story without giving any originality or innovation to the formula: -1 point for lazy writing

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Pretty much word for word the personality of Winnie the Pooh in the books: -1 point for lack of originality

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">11/20

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">4) Trivia:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">-Notable Relationships:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">No interpersonal conflict to speak of at al in the teaml, no real information on his teammates personalities or any real idea of how they interact: -3 points

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Generic parents, only exist to have him be adopted and play no real role in the backstory other than as a plot device: -1 point

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">-Notes:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Using a resturaunt as an example of why robins are associated with the color red instead of just mentioning that they have a red breast: -1 point

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Side note: robin redbreast just means the birds in general, it’s not a character; it’s the birds.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Subtotal: 5/10

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">5) Hunter Extension:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">I) Weapon:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">This is the most boring axe weapon i have seen in my life. No gun feature, no dust, and it doesn’t even have the advantage of being a standard issue axe for pure badass points.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Actually, it’s not even an axe with a handle that puny; heck I don’t think it qualifies as a hatchet since it has two blades.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">It is almost literally nothing: -7 points, would be more but i guess you could probably kill a beowulf with it if you tried hard enough

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Subtotal: 8/15

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">II) Semblance:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Pretty simple ability, bit limiting as he can’t use it to protect himself at all.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Semblance is fine and all, pretty basic but functional; just one problem. He knows what dust does, and it is apparently pretty helpful for him to use it, so why doesn’t he carry any?: -2 points

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Subtotal: 13/15

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">III) Combat Info:

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Nothing in here redeeming, or any more damning than the rest of it: no change

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Total: 66

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Point adjustment: +1

<span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#cccccc;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Final score: 67

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Come on, Cyr, I know you can do better than this.