Thread:CarusELumen/@comment-15108745-20130926222759/@comment-15108745-20131006142017

Hey man, I wouldn't be asking for help if I was going to get offended by something like this :)

Oh and if you want to record something, I would like a suggest a program called Audacity. It's free and I think it's pretty easy to use so there's no need to worry about reading through a bunch of tutorials just to figure out how to record.

A lot of the problems you pointed out were already things that were in my mind but something I just pushed to the side and chose to sort of "ignore" because I couldn't think of anything better. This is especially the case the with last Ruby verse. I was aware that we used "one and only" for the chorus, but that's all I could think of. This is also the case with the "pistol whips" line. If we could change "ninja fast" to somethig that matched "pistol whips" then maybe the lines would work. Or just change that set of lines completely.

Concerning the rhyming throughout the song in general, I tried not to limit myself by making a whole verse rhyme consistently at the end of each line. This is the case with the last Ruby verse. The first and third lines are related as are the second and fourth lines. So it's a kind of alternating ABAB rhyme scheme. There are also a lot of places in the song where the rhymes are internal. I sort of took a cue from Eminem who doesn't always have straightforward rhymes to his song and likes to mix things up and internalize some of them.

As for the White lines, they're actually not broken up the way they're "supposed" to be. I wanted to keep each line in this set of lyrics at 4 beats to a line just to help me when I rap it out and the way the White lines are structured, that required the breaking up of the lines so that the rhymes aren't very easy to see. If you want to know how the rhymes are structured, this is how it would look:

Here's Weiss Schnee: she's white, see?

And all kinds of icy.

Singing of a mirror

when a giant appears to kill her

and cleave her body in two,

but she's ain't havin' any of that so what do she do?

Now the rhymes are at the end of each line.