Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-24534644-20170630004409/@comment-24534644-20170728041115

And now to wrap this up. The last character is Nigel Mulberry, from Cyrania de Bergerac.

1) Basic Info: Pointing this out, he name Nigel does not descend from the Latin word for dark. The Latin word for dark is tenebris. You're thinking of niger, which means black. Even then, the name Nigel has nothing to do with the word niger in terms of origin, it's simply commonly associated with it. The difference is somewhat trivial, and the name still passes the CNR, but try to do some better research next time. 9/10

2) Appearance: Pretty sure "dark olive" isn't a skin color, at least not according to the graphs I'm looking at. There's olive, then there's brown, then there's dark brown. Is he brown? Then say that. "Dark olive" makes me think his skin is green or something.

His faunus trait is... a spinneret? That's...extremely unusual. Although I suppose no more unreasonable than fangs with venom sacks... Honestly not sure if this flies on the nonsense radar, but I'll say it's okay for now. Although you have to realize there is no logical way someone with a human body can suspend themselves with thin strands of silk the same way a spider can. Spider-Man has spoiled children everywhere in this regard. 18/20

3) Characteristics: When someone says "skills to survive in the world", sewing and knitting are not the first things that come to mind. Even if the intention was for him to follow in the business of domestic service, a better way to phrase that would be "skills to thrive in the workplace". On that note, how does one go from living a life of comfort, service, and leisure without any sense of danger, to "I want to go kill soulless eldritch abominations for a living"? It's a pretty sudden shift in prerogative.

The backstory overall is decent, but isn't really fleshed out at all. You mention some characters, say he got along with them, and then move on. It works, but it's not really interesting when you go through those things so quickly. Personality is okay, likes and dislikes are good. 25/30

4) Trivia: If this Sir Justin Rullian was so important in the direction his life took, why is he not here anywhere? Where are his parents, who contributed to his upbringing? Why do you only mention relationships with his 3 teammates, who's combined characterization here sums up to "They're friends, they hung out, he still remembers them"?

And unfortunately, you pretty much cheated by using two allusions instead of one. You don't see canon characters drawing from multiple allusions at once, there's no reason to do it here. Plus, the references to each individual allusion are slim at best. The only thing this charater has that references Little Miss Muffet in any way is the fact that he's a spider faunus (and likes cheese?), and the only reference to the Mulberry Bush rhyme is his last name (and liking cold early mornings?). So not only did you use multiple allusions, the rhymes themselves have nothing in common and the way who handled integrating them into the character was lazy, all things considered. References don't have to be extravagant or obvious, but some more effort should be made (like how Ruby wears a red hood and is addicted to cookies because Little Red Riding Hood was delivering cookies to her grandma, or how Yang is constantly being depicted fighting and kicking the crap out of bear-themed enemies.) 1/5

I) Weapon: Longshot...I'll tell you what, that's a longshot of a pun. I admit I cringed ever so slightly. In itself, the weapon is good, although I have considerable difficulty imagining how a polearm turns into a crossbow... Also, how does a Gravity Bolt work? It can't work in the same way Ruby's shots do, because those send her flying in the opposite direction. 12/15

II) Semblance: Synethesia: A perceptual phenomenon in which stimulation of one sensory organ or cognitive pathway leads automatic, involuntary responses in a second sensory or cognitive pathway.

...what does this have anything to do with the Semblance you describe here? You don't make any effort to explain the name, so I'm forced to assume you just picked it because it sounds cool. As a whole, the Semblance seems pretty situational and redundant, especially considering that Huntsmen are supposedly able to detect Aura levels and strength in other people already. But something like this can be useful in the situations you described, at least. 11/15

III) Combat Info: I'm going to swallow my pet peeve once again about how there is no feasible way someone with the body of a human can "bungee chord" off a thread of silk, because I know people are just going to point at Spider-Man, even though comic books are literally the antithesis to logic and science. Another thing to point out is that you can't get rope-burn from silk. They're two completely different objects, and rope only causes burns because it's made of rough material. Silk is like, the opposite of rough. Why do you think people wear silk clothing? 4/5

Point Total: 80

The biggest issue here is that you tried to use two allusions, which is essentially breaking the rules, and didn't have much to draw any connections to those allusions. But there's also a lot of weird design choices, and several things that just are worded strangely or don't make sense even in context. Add in the lack of information and charaterization in places, and... well, it needs improvement.