Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-26397825-20180301023156/@comment-26397825-20180320031306

Sorry for the delay in judging, my parents came to visit for the weekend. Here's the next character, Maki Kuronami's Gergios Vakhtang.

1. Basic Info - 10 points

It all looks good to me, though I hope you explain that nickname somewhere.

2. Appearance - 18 points

He sounds tired. He looks tired. He’s a tired old man before he’s even old. His outfit matching his physical state (scarred, tired eyes, unkempt) is a nice touch.

3. Characteristics - 21 points

Ajax...is he name for the blue liquid window cleaner? Because all I can think of is Francis from Deadpool lol.

What kind of fighting did he do to end up in juvy a few times? In my experience, kids that fight get suspensions and punishments but not prison time; that’s reserved for the kids who actually break laws such as stealing or going on drunken rampages.

“The second came by without issue.” The second what? Second semester? Second year? I’m assuming the latter since that’s a pretty dangerous mission to be sending firsties out on.

Honestly, you wouldn’t really need to pull many strings to pin the blame on Georgios - it can easily be spun as premeditated murder aimed at the family, leading the men and children into a trap. My question is how old he was when this happened; you say he’s been on the run for years but it can’t have been many. They graduate at 21/22, and he’s only 26 now.

The backstory also cuts off a bit abruptly, with no hint as to if he’s gone to ground anywhere such as Vacuo where it would be harder to find him.

You never did explain the Pale Wolf nickname. I am disappointed.

Personality is at least consistent with the backstory, though it feels a little stubby. He could do with a little more fleshing out on things like his sense of humour.

4. Trivia - 5 points

Brief but informative for every member of his story, so it’s good. I thought I recognised the Beleygr and Ivaldi names.

5. Weapon - 12 points

Can he use the spikes when in flail form as well, or is it just the smooth ball head in that form? It’s simple but it works.

6. Semblance - 13 points

I like the semblance, it’s simple but requires a bit of thinking to use effectively instead of being obviously aggressive. And it also reminds me of one I made, which is not a bad thing. This one reminds me of Lubrication, which removes friction as its base ability. Sort of like the opposite to Friction, really.

7. Combat Info - 3 points

Why doesn’t he use the flail like a grappling hook, throwing it at a branch or whatever and swinging to safety? That makes more sense than smashing everything in sight. Otherwise it all looks good.

Total: 82 points

He's a good character, but aging him up a little might help make it seem like he didn't graduate just to run headfirst into trouble, with no time for the 'enjoyment of freedom' that you mentioned.