Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-25396609-20150910235150/@comment-25396609-20151017155856

Tenevhrael wrote: And done. There might still be problems with the semblance and I tried to shorten the backstory and cut out unnecessary fat, might need to give it a second pass to make sure. Should be much more workable now. You need to explain how the hell he wound up being rased by criminals when his parents died.

Having Ozpin take a personal interest in him is a bit questionable, and the only reason I can think of for someone being in Beacon when they are alost 30 is if they are already a graduate and working towards a more advanced degree. Honestly with his implied level of skill he is better off without. Maybe instead of that angle (which is leaning pretty close to Gary Stu/special snowflake conditions) go for something else. His backgroud might make for a good P.I type character, as would his weapons of choice and overall personality.

Large issues with personality. Friendly and outgoing combined with dark side while dealing with criminals is one of the personalities often reserved for Gary Stus. The way you portray Ozpin is not even remotely close to how Ozpin has acted in the show, as in horribly out of character for him.

Need to tie semblance to his personality, as we established long ago that the semblance is related to the persons personality at time of activation and influencd by parents semblances.