Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-26397825-20160602003704/@comment-26397825-20160615035925

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 * Spirit gives a sad sigh.

Well, Jaune's OC is disqualified right off the bat due to not using the template, not following the theme and having been submitted to the 27th OC thread, which is the previous thread. Sixth rule guys:

6) Characters, Weapons, and Semblances can be re-tooled, but must not have been submitted to the 2 most recent versions of the OC thread, Semblance thread, Weapons thread, or any previous contests. Semblances and Weapons posted to the Semblance or Weapons threads during the time of the contest will be disqualified (so you get 0 points for that semblance/weapon).

On to the next contestant then. ACWeapons with Haiiro Yosei

1) Basic Info - 10 points A nickname would be nice, but as I am one of those people who doesn’t have a nickname in real life I won’t dock any points for them not having one they respond to. Also, something I must admit…I was typing the character’s name and accidentally typed Hairy instead of Haiiro. You didn’t lose any points for it, I just felt like I had to share my fail with the world.

2) Appearance - 24 points Her body weight is literally just within healthy weight range. I’m glad to see her physique matches it. Hair is….non-descriptive. No hairstyle? Burned skin…sunburnt, or does she like to play with fire? No scars mentioned anywhere though... Outfits are very simple as well, though at least they’re easily visualised.

3) Characteristics - 22 points

Backstory - 16 points

Sudden aura is sudden on a kid that hadn’t unlocked it. Not even a mention of ‘it unlocked itself from the stress of the situation’, which I would have accepted. Dick firefighter is a dick; even if the kid is a lost cause part of a firefighter’s job is to pull out the bodies of people so they can be interred properly, not left to be found by the clean-up crew. Do you mean she had an existential crisis from the fire on the value of her own life and whether it would have been better to die in the fire? That’s a bit sudden and out of nowhere, as nothing in her backstory suggests any sort of negativity surrounding her race beyond one dick firefighter who she probably wouldn’t know about as she would have been half-delirious at the time from pain and lack of ability to breath properly.

Why is she angry at the White Fang when she meets them? Did someone tell her that they set the fire? Because that isn’t mentioned anywhere in her backstory, and she was inside the building so she wouldn’t have seen the people standing outside throwing dust bombs. It would make more sense for her to accept the White Fang’s help, be content with them, then find out that they were the cause of the fire and for her anger to grow from there.

Personality - 7 points

Which Faunus did she admire? Her parents? Personality makes sense within the context of the backstory, though contempt for those around her and an inferiority complex don’t mesh that well in my opinion. Contempt means she thinks they are worthless and beneath consideration, but then feels as though she is worth less and beneath the very ones she has contempt for. Disdain would be a better word, as it means she thinks they are unworthy of her respect or consideration, but doesn’t mean she thinks they are beneath her.

Likes/Dislikes - -1 point

Wait, she likes baths because they soothe the burning? She’s still burnt, 5 years later? I mean, it happens, but why weren’t her burn scars listed in the physical traits? If they’re deep enough to still burn after 5 years, then the scars really need a mention elsewhere on the sheet as well.

4) Trivia - 3 points Lack of detailing on the parents relationships is disappointing, but the notes on the White Fang redeem it somewhat.

5) Weapon - 9 points Does the pistol straighten out for the melee mode, or is it literally just a serrated knife with a gun shaped handle? Other than that question, it’s pretty straightforward. A good, simple weapon for a small-time mook. 6) Semblance - 6 points Soooo….she creates copies. Do the copies do anything, like propel her away from their position like Blake’s do, or attack anything like Sun’s do, or take hits for her like a shield by jumping between an attack and herself? They seem sorta useless without dust, and dust only makes them explosive or…turn into vapour? What kind of vapour?

Basically, I know what it does, but I don’t know what it’s used for.

7) Combat Info - 4 points Sounds pretty solid. It all checks out except one thing; does she switch the knife between hands while she’s dual wielding, or when she’s only using the one weapon? In which case, why? She has another weapon which can provide ample cover and surprise attacks, switching hands for the knife and not pulling out the second weapons sounds a bit silly to me.

Overall Total: 78 points