Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-24993958-20151106142232/@comment-25479664-20151107205022

VedranTheII wrote: DeletedContent wrote: ...If you think anything needs to be changed, please tell me in a polite and calm manner (I really appreciate good constructive criticism)... The fact you felt the need to post that worries me…

Species: Human (genetically engineered from birth, like 47 from the Hitman games) Concern intensifying

Well Let's hope you were honest about the constructive criticism part...ok here goes

-cnr is for colors, not symbolism, the rook can be white or black (usually), that’s how it fits the CNR, that’s what needed to be said there.

-physical traits has details that repeat in appearance, use physical traits only for stuff you couldn’t find a place there, like a scar…you know, something DISTINCT.

-misc traits are for DISTINCT items you can’t find a place to fill on his outfits, take the excess out

-aura effect misused. Didn’t mention aura color or anything remotely related to it. The green stuff is his aura? Congrats, you just went against canon by having it act differently from any other canon character in the show.

-personality is split into 2 spots, it’s section and notes…pick one and dump it all there

-back-story has an overwhelmingly high likelihood of going against canon. Penny, a creation of Atlas mind you, is being monitored and being kept under wraps for being Remnants first aura producing robot. Your character on the other hand was allowed to go to an academy, a publicacademy, despite being one of 4 surviving pieces of an experiment…so not only does the group that made him have to be filled with scientists with no prior affiliation to Ironwood and the military, they have to do experiments somewhere he couldn’t see or find out, all the while being mismanaged enough they had to let them go to a public academy, while manned enough to do that experiment…either that or the man in charge of the project got lobotomized post experiment because that is nothing short of a dumbass maneuver…either way, Ironwood not finding out about him and his two semblances, and taking him into his custody…you know… like PENNY, really isn’t helping make this backstory any more believable…honestly it almost feels like you just copy pasted the story from another game while loosely trying to tie it to the universe…wait did I just say 2 semblan…oh why me...

-2 semblances…what do I even say about this…you don’t even have the decency to make him a split personality, you’re just like “Nope, my character needs to be the most AWESOME of awesome, one semblance is for kitty cats, mine will have TWO”…like how do I eve begin to explain why this won’t work to you…did you bother to watch the show? Did you forget that part about auras being a manifestation of the soul? About how semblances are an active use of aura? A character literally cannot have 2 semblances because he has ONE soul…and there’s another reason Ironwood not going after him doesn’t work. The reason Penny is a big deal was cause they made an artificial aura generator…your character not only is that, but you gave him 2 semblance…hell even having one officially invalidates his existance now that i realized that...

I don't see how the character's nerve system glowing could be against what we've seen so far. I mean, Yang's hair glows bright yellow whenever she enters her aura state, and almost all character's eyes glow during their aura states, so couldn't his nerves glow as well?

The difference between him and Penny is that Penny is actually an AI/robot, whereas he is an actual organism, just one who underwent heavy genetic modification while still in a fetus state. That means that, unlike Penny, he's TECHNICALLY a human, just basically a clone (a lab-grown human being, or something like that, but he still has squishy human guts and all of that).

I might actually take out the multi-semblence thing later if you still think it's OP (I nerfed his 2nd semblence a little bit, so that its pretty sub-par when compaired to his primary semblence/ any natural semblence). Also, I didn't realize

I still can't think of anything for the CNR

Would stubble be considered distinct? I'd call it pretty destinct, but I'm not sure.

I fixed the whole "escaped experiment" thing by making it so it was actually an illegal experiment being carried out by unknown parties (the authorities never knew about it origonally [until it failed acutally], so they couldn't track him down). I know it's sloppy, but it's also temporary, so don't get your pants in a twist over it.

Did add more aura stuff.

Thanks for the help, and it's all-in-all been much more useful than alot of the other stuff that some players have told me about, relating to the OC.