Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-25396609-20150910235150/@comment-10301320-20151017050414

JayHart wrote: Looks decent to me at a glance, but I'll admit - the background/personality section was TL/DR material. I would suggest breaking it into shorter paragraphs for easier separation. (8 hours into a 12 hour shift; not finding reading to be as easy a job as normal.)

Cool, yeah I definitely need to shorten it down, I did a rush job and called it finished after about 4 hours when I lost myself on a tangent. Will cut it down shortly and either edit the post or just post again.

Phantomlink959 wrote: Semblance is... questionable and does not really fit the name, on top of being horribly overpowered.

I honestly thought that it's horribly underpowered. Doesn't work on Grimm and it doesn't copy the aura/semblance of the target/s. Isn't be able to copy the opponents abilities that get boosted by semblance (i.e Yang's strength through damage, Ruby's speed). Name could be changed, I'm thinking either Heist, Appropriation or Raid. Just to clarify he doesn't permanently gain their physical stats and he doesn't add it on top of his already existing ones, so at best he's at peak Human/Faunus physicality (if the absolute best opponents to copy from are around). He also has nothing fancy beyond that so things like Glyphs would grant the edge against him.

Phantomlink959 wrote: Weapons are pretty standard handguns, then again we now have a flintlock and cutlass in canon, while i have several characters using simple weapons as well.

Yeah...I'm not very creative with RWBY-style weapons, the best I could do was make them double-barreled handcannons, with slight bladed edges to allow a bit of versatility.

Phantomlink959 wrote: Trying way too hard with the name, and the name meaning sin is... A touch on the gary stu side, maybe find something else with similar sound and different meaning.

The idea was kind of to make people think he was a gary stu from a first glance (long coat, bishie black hair, the name meaning Sin etc.) but then to make him not that at all in function. Sin and burned both have connotations to black that was why they were chosen, everything else pointed out in the entry was pure coincidence.

Thanks for the feedback, I'll get a revision out and think on what's been pointed out.