Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-26417457-20190922000524/@comment-43897075-20190922021431

Going to be blunt. Terrible. None of the characters in this story are considered "In character" from the little bit I've read.

Gather what you know about certain characters, make a list, and stick to that list. Something like: What would a reserved and quiet character (Hazel) do during a dinner setting? Not speak unless spoken to. That's the one out of hundreds of examples in this story.

Why did Cinder pluck Emeralds eye out? There was no reason, and was one of the most random things I've ever read. And Emerald is completely, 100% fine with being half blind not 5 seconds after its happened?

Mercury doesn't smoke. Or vape. Or any of that.

Way to much swearing. In fact, there shouldn't be any at all. There are literally countless ways you can work around swearing, but you chose to ignore them all.

Mercury calls Emerald a "thot"? Seriously?

I'm convinced this is a "gag story", where you end up creating a story with no effort involved. No restrictions, no consideration, just whatever pops up in your mind you jolt it down. Doesn't matter what comes to mind, no proof reading, nothing.

1/10, couldn't finish a fifth of it.