Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-24993958-20160402201256/@comment-27450328-20160412100834

SpiritedDreaming wrote: Kaptainbradukk wrote: Alright, here goes my first OC team, with the first member, Mikel Maurus. I've posted him on a previous thread and made a few necessary changes. The rest of team MARS will follow  Black auras are frowned upon as of this moment. No canon character has them, not even Blake the black cat ninja where that color would actually fit. So we are going under the assumption it isn’t a thing on Remnant for now. Also, aura is one colour in the show, and one colour only. Ruby's is still red despite the Silver-Eyes thing. Pyrrha's was still red, despite having some of Amber's mingle in it. Aura changing colour is not something we have seen either, so until it is shown in the show, we suggest avoiding having characters with multicoloured or colour changing aura.

And visual effects, such as the black outline when we saw Pyrrha's semblance in effect, doesn't count as that's a visual effect. It's to show us as the viewers that something is happening and is not something that is actually visible to the characters inside the show.

The backstory is beyond confusing. He lived with his parents and friend isolated in the mountains, but what about his friends parents? And where did the other brother come from when the house got raided? And why would anyone go out of their way up a mountain to raid a house? I know you say it will be explained later but so far it feels like you want to build him up to some hero of destiny that needed protecting or that the house was guarding an ancient power, which I’m really not comfortable with.

I’m also not a fan of you skipping over how 3 kids that lived isolated somehow survived without food or supplies in the city, an environment they never had to deal with...and can not for the life of me see the wisdom in splitting up even if they did have all the money in the world. Alright, thanks for the review, now time for clarifications :

- I will change the aura thing to something more canon, maybe just reddish with a darker tone when full berzerk

- For the friend, he was found by Mikel's parents in a nearby village who have been raided as well a few years before

- Mikel's younger brother have been here for the whole time, I just forgot to precise it. Thanks for pointing it out

- The Maurus family is NOT related to any ancien power/weapon of any sort, but for clarifications, I'm gonna say that it is not uncommon for villages or isolated houses to be raided. So no ancien prophecy, be reassured

- They live in the mountains, but not on the top of the world, without any links to civilisations. The family house is just a hour or two from the nearby village, so quite an easy targey

- I let the survival part skipped because nothing really happens there : they find legal/illegal jobs, steal some common military equipment... Sure, the adaptation period may be interesting to develop though. I'll take that in account for the story

- The moment where they split up is only 6 months or a year before he beginning of the story, so Mikel and his friend are both 17 at the moment, so it is not like they are 12 or something. It is due to the fact that the friend (he seriously need a name) found a job in a city where he can putt his knowledge and his semblance (reading an object's memory to a certain extent) to the service of the local overflowed militia. The brothers went to another big city to follow an unsuccessful trail. They were going to reunite in a short amount of time

- I know it may seems over the top that some teenagers get to know the underworld and survive, but they were raised outside the kingdom. "If you can't fight, you can't survive (Blake Belladona)".

Anyway, thanks for the review, I see that I've kept a few important points in the shadow, I'll take that into account. Anything else ?