Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-6863431-20150103062825/@comment-209421-20150114041032

Thanks for the feedback, guys. The fight was the one section of the story that I was iffy about. The reasoning for Jaune's words comes later on, because there is a point plotted where he seems to become fully conscious, despite the fact that he's bleeding out from punctured kidneys and has taken on the colour of his personal arc (Jaundice). I could rationalize Ren a little bit more with frustration that Nora critically injured Cardin in the name of revenge or something like that, keep him a little bit more "zen master" - easy enough change, helps bulk out the space between the two fights.

Aura being less OP was mostly a rush sort of thing, but that advice would really help me drag the fight out a little bit more, especially with Berserker Yang, a side of her you won't see for a long time after this chapter. Pyrrha probably DID scream out one of those things, but remember - Yang just got snapped out of a berserker rage to see a friend of hers dying at her feet. I don't think she'd be particularly focused on what the scream is saying, only that it's there.

I'm really glad that you guys like it, and that the majority of the characterization is spot-on. I haven't really done much first-person work recently, so getting into the head of a female character is a little bit of an achievement for me. I'll try to fix up those issues, then upload it to FF.net. Only question I have for you is whether or not you think the mini-scene with Weiss and Neptune works or not. I don't mind it, but I feel I need another opinion on it.