Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-25396609-20171116191014/@comment-33816423-20171202023632

To bring back a couple points I made previously that you ignored:

The seemingly random usage of a Japanese phrase, which doesn't exist within Remnant as a language.

The lack of a tie to himself on the semblance. Just tying to an allusion doesn't count. You need to tie to personality, beliefs, experiences, just some defining feature of him.

And for some new points I'd like to bring to light:

The inclusion of an AU into the backstory. Its not in very good taste.

This one is personal preference but I greatly dislike calling the team Sapphire.

Also for a bit of proofreading you consistently call him Jace within the first part backstory. I'm assuming that was a previous first name for him, being as there's no note of him changing his name.

Writing wise the relationship seems sort of forced in my eyes, I would personally make it more gradually known until that point.